I’m feeling awful, horrendously guilty, as I’ve hurt my mum. Due to Covid we have had a tiny wedding ceremony. It’s a second marriage and we had our dc and two friends as witnesses. We are intending to have a full wedding blessing and party next year when hopefully things are better and we can celebrate with everyone. We did have a bit of a celebration together in the pub. Unfortunately my mum found out - my fault entirely- I shared a pic that I thought was private and unfortunately my settings were not completely private and another relative told my mum. We are Tier 2 and Mum is tier 3 so it wouldn’t actually be within the law for her to attend a wedding reception anyway. Mum is crying and devastated. My brother texted saying that I am disgusting and he never wants to see me or my fat husband again. He said ‘no wonder your daughter slices her wrists.’ My teen dd has self harmed in the past and we are getting support from CAMHS. I try to give her a stable home with us. Brother does have aggressive tendencies and I try to avoid him, but that was obviously hurtful.
Mum has a history of becoming drunkenly abusive, particularly at events where she isn’t the centre of attention. She didn’t tell my grandad’s children from his first marriage that he had died and so they missed the funeral. At the funeral, one of her friends gave a eulogy that was all about how wonderful my mum was.
At a different event, she got so drunk that she started screaming and shouting and went off in her car!! I had to prevent her taking my dd with her.
She doesn’t see her grandchildren v often - maybe once or twice a year and she shows no interest when she does. She doesn’t babysit and offered no support even when I was a single parent and really really struggling.
She didn’t come with me to my wedding dress fitting because I wanted to bring my dds and friend (before Covid hit) and because I wouldn’t drive 40 minutes in the opposite direction to prick her up so she didn’t have to drive.
She wasn’t a great mum when I was a kid. Stepdad was violent, which she knew and did nothing about. She had affairs and used to bring me along as cover when she met up with these men. She has many many hangers on who adore her and she’s spent a fortune on surgery to look beautiful, but when I was struggling and the dc were small, she never came to see me - even though she lived 5 mins away.
When the rules were changed, I took the opportunity to tell mum that the wedding was postponed. I intended (and still do) to invite her to the blessing and party. But I just wanted to get married without worrying that she would get drunk and abusive, or make it all about her. I was going to tell her in person that we had a small legal ceremony. But now she’s hurt and she’s told all her friends how terrible I am. I’m on honeymoon but am just so devastated and guilty. I can never take this back. I’m meant to be having Christmas dinner with her 