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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Sexually harassed by friend’s boyfriend

93 replies

Rosemary26 · 22/12/2020 11:25

I had a very sour experience with a woman I considered to be a friend almost two years ago, and recently she emailed me out of the blue acting as if she wanted to talk and catch up.

We lived together for six months back in the day to help each other out with rent. I thought everything was good between her and I for a long time, until her boyfriend started to make passes at me. One night I was in the kitchen making myself a late dinner after I’d gotten home from work and this guy crept up behind me and put his hand down the back of my pajama bottoms. I was shocked! I flipped out instantly, telling him to never come anywhere near me ever again. No wonder I had never liked him. He gave me the creeps. Having been sexually abused in childhood, and having experienced men (men in relationships with people I knew, no less) being inappropriate toward me throughout adulthood, this really messed me up. I was scared of what would happen when I told my friend what he’d done, worried she’d react the way others had and choose to believe whatever he said, but I knew that I had to tell her. So I did. Exactly what I was afraid of happened. She grew cold toward me after he denied it all, she iced me out, and shortly after that I left and gave up communication.

In the recent emails she spoke about missing me and how she hoped we could spend time together again. She finished with the sentence, “I’ll try to convince M. (that same boyfriend) to let you visit here again.” Hmm
I responded briefly, wishing her Happy Holidays, and I didn’t mention anything about him or visiting.

This is what she wrote back: “If how far you went out of your way to not even type M.’s name is an indication that you still have a problem with him then it's probably not a good idea to have you come here. I always enjoyed hanging out with you and everything but I don't need any extra stress or drama in my life.
M.will always be in my life and he means more to me than anyone so if you have a problem with him then you pretty much have a problem with me.”

Um. STILL have a problem with him? Yeah, I do. I don’t wish to have any further contact with her, but this, her basically blaming me for what he did, really troubles me. Has anyone experienced anything like this? If you have any ideas about what I can say in response to try to get my point across please share those with me. I get that she’s going through her own issues, but...this burns.

OP posts:
Sssloou · 22/12/2020 17:03

Wow impressive. Good for you. So strong and powerful. I hope you can relish and hang on to that feeling.

Windmillwhirl · 22/12/2020 17:12

Yes, I pretty much do have a problem with you seeing as I told you your boyfriend assaulted me and you chose to not only ignore it, but also think I'd be ok to be in his company again. I told you the truth. Goodbye and good luck.

She is vile.

Windmillwhirl · 22/12/2020 17:15

Apppogies op, just saw you replied. Well done!!!

AlwaysCheddar · 22/12/2020 18:02

Bloody well good for you op, I’m proud!!!

Jenifirtree · 22/12/2020 18:31

Definitely block them both now though op. Neither has anything worthwhile to offer you.

Sillysandy · 22/12/2020 18:36

Op that is a brilliant reply. Well done.

Lookslikerainted · 22/12/2020 18:39

I’m so sorry for what’s happened to you

MzHz · 22/12/2020 18:56

Damn!

Sexually harassed by friend’s boyfriend
MzHz · 22/12/2020 18:58

That’s told her! Bravo @Rosemary26!

2020wish · 22/12/2020 19:04

Unfortunately I had a similar thing happen to me with my best friends boyfriend. Not sexual but very serious and went I told her with proof I was surprised and hurt when she completely cut me off. She’s married to him now and I miss her dearly but it’s been about 7 years now and she also reached out but nothing has ever been mentioned regarding her husband and nothing will ever be the same again. But I’m applaud u for ur reply! Well done! She deserved it

WildfirePonie · 22/12/2020 20:51

Well done, great text OP.

SimplyRadishing · 22/12/2020 22:19

Bravo rosemary Flowers

dangerrabbit · 22/12/2020 22:49

Well done!👏

Honeyroar · 22/12/2020 22:55

Well done. She deserved all that.

Ritasueandbobtoo9 · 22/12/2020 23:14

Perfect response!

youvegottenminuteslynn · 22/12/2020 23:16

Your response was fanfuckingtastic OP Thanks

RubyViolet · 22/12/2020 23:23

Bravo ! Well done.
Now you get on with living your life without these awful people.

ilikemethewayiam · 22/12/2020 23:41

@Sillysandy

"You are the one who made contact with me not vice versa. Your boyfriend sexually assaulted me. I have no interest in convincing you, he and I both know what took place. I have more than a problem with him. I will be blocking you now and have no wish to hear from either of you again."
Perfect response!
Yeahnahmum · 22/12/2020 23:42

You should have just ignored her original message . Delete it. And her and never look back

BlueThistles · 23/12/2020 00:21

Bloody brilliant OP.. I do love a happy ending.. what a cheeky deluded cow she is... good on you.. I bet you feel much better getting that off your chest. 🎉🌺

pickingdaisies · 23/12/2020 14:01

Hell yes!!!

IMNOTSHOUTING · 23/12/2020 14:12

I'd probably just block her to be honest. Whatever you say she'll interpret as you either irrationally disliking her prize of a sex pest boyfriend or you being jealous because of your infatuation with the idiot.

IMNOTSHOUTING · 23/12/2020 14:13

oops missed your update. Your email was brilliant OP (I wouldn't have been able to write anything so calm) and glad you've blocked her.

MangoBiscuit · 23/12/2020 14:22

Awesome job OP! Well done

blisstwins · 23/12/2020 16:30

@AlwaysCheddar

I’d ignore her from now on and leave her to it. She’s stupid.
This. Just be done with her.