Why is he with me?! Dating someone with completely different financial situation

[Lilyane]

I’ve been seeing a man for 3 months now. He works in finance in central London. Has his own house. We bonded a lot over our children (we both have a sons same age). Because of lockdown and all that we haven’t been on many proper dates. Just at his or my place and went for a walk few times. However, I can’t see what sees in me. I’m a single mom on benefits having completely different life to him. I live in tiny flat through housing association and work in retail (I’m also 15years younger if that makes any difference - hoping one day my situation improves). From what we talked about all his previous relationships were with women doing even better than him - his ex wife has her own law firm and owns few places...
I am getting little worried what happens if we ever want to for example live together as his standard is so different from mine. Also what happens when places open and he will want to start going restaurant and places. I don’t want him to be paying for everything, but can’t afford the dates he is already planning for us when it’s open.
Can relationship with two different financial situations work ? Any advice how to overcome like not feeling enough. I can sense that he really likes me but self doubt is getting to me.

It's standing out to me that you bonded over your sons. Make sure he is not a sex offender into boys. Or he could just be using you for sex in lockdown. Would he bring you to a work event if it were not for covid? These responses are serious, l know, but better to be safe than sorry.

This thread makes me really sad op. There's no reason to think you aren't enough. Money is money. There is no reason to think he's using you. I'm sure you are a lovely person, maybe he wants something different to his marriage? Who knows but he's with you now. Everyone is always so quick to drag everyone down and give you a million reasons why he would only want you for his ego and everything else when in actual fact he might want you, you know, just for you.

Perhaps money just doesn’t matter to him, and he really likes you as a person? I work in a professional job and the man I am dating has a minimum wage job (in which he works insanely long hours, much harder than I do). I couldn’t care less - he’s a lovely person, we have loads in common and he treats me brilliantly. In contrast, my last partner was LOADED (string of properties abroad, etc). He was a narcissistic prick who broke my heart!

I just don’t think money matters to a lot of people. Things like shared attitude and values, similar tastes and interests etc, are much more important...... And income has no bearing on these. Or, it shouldn’t......

I do have some friends who will only date men with a similar or higher income. Personally I think that is shocking in this day and age.......

It could be all of the awful things everyone has mentionned. Or maybe he just likes you and you have a good time together.

Just be sensible OP and protect your own interests, while being open to the relationship. Communicate with him and see what he says about it.

It could be because you are younger but it could be many other reasons. If you are attracted to each other and enjoy the time you spend together, congratulations and have fun.

I'd say ringfence everything that you'd need if he was abruptly abducted by aliens one day.

Don't give up your flat, don't get reliant on him financially, & for the love of jeff be bloody careful about contraception.

Then enjoy it! If it looks like getting more serious in a year or two, you have tricky convos ahead, but absolutely no reason you guys can't date & enjoy each other's company.

Agree that you need to be organising low cost dates, as well - walks with a cup of tea & a bun in a cafe, pizza & Netflix or whatever you'd like to do with a boyfriend who had a similar income to you.

If he's expecting to be wining & dining you at his budget level every time, it sets up a weird imbalance.

If he's so financially secure then your financial situation won't be an issue, I guess.

You are just as worthy as a person so don't think he's better than you or let him call the shots.

Enjoy your relationship and treat it like you would any other.

@samyeagar

Your post was really nice to read.

No one knows him - not you, not anyone here either, but I understand why you're suspicious. I think I would be in your situation too. The age gap could indicate he's always after a younger women. If he's after younger women in particular, don't be surprised if he swaps you for a younger model one day. I'd be a bit concerned about the power dynamic between you too.

All you can do is hold him to a high standard like you would any other man and make it clear you are capable and independent. Also try to set a date or time in your mind when you'd like to start introducing family members so you don't end being strung along and find out a year down the line you were the other woman.

Take it slow, be yourself and you'll soon find out what he really wants from you.