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Original poster

Argh, help me put of a pickle please

38 replies

BloodyFreezingOutHere · 21/12/2020 20:37

It's a pickle of my own making and I feel like I've been a bit of a twat.

I split up with my boyfriend about 3 months ago and, about 3 weeks later, I stupidly signed up to pof. I did it mainly to prove to myself I wasn't missing out on anything and that my decision to remain single from now on was the right one.

Anyway, a guy messaged me and we got talking and met up. I'd had a test since splitting with my bf and had no other bubble, so we bubbled.

We've seen each other several times over the past couple of months. I've stopped over a few times and he's invited me to Christmas dinner. He's talked about me meeting his friends etc. It all seemed pretty harmless and nice enough.

But last week, I bumped into my ex. It made me realise that I'm not over him or actually interested in this man at all and he was just a distraction really. I'm not one for messing people about and I need to end it. It's not fair and I don't want to fake an interest in someone for the sake of it. Besides, he's said a few things that mean I wouldn't want to be with him long term. Neither would I want to be with someone if they were having these thoughts about an ex/me.

I need to break it off with him. Part of me thinks that I should do it now otherwise I'm going to be making excuses not to see him over christmas. He already invited me over to dinner this evening and I just pretended i hadn't seen the message until it was too late Sad

My friends say I can't dump him him just before christmas. I've never done this before. And I don't know what to do for the best. Or what to say to him.

We get on really well and there is a spark so pretending it's something to do with that would be weird.

Any suggestions?

OP posts:
LouiseTrees · 21/12/2020 20:47

Maybe tell him you don’t feel right in yourself and need some alone time. Then break it off after Christmas. But beware.. what if you have no chance getting back with the ex

Aquamarine1029 · 21/12/2020 20:51

I disagree that you can't break it off before Christmas. He isn't a charity case, ffs. You can end a relationship any time you choose to and no justification is necessary. Just end it tonight and block.

Original poster
BloodyFreezingOutHere · 21/12/2020 20:54

Thanks. Getting back with the ex isn't really the issue.

It's just not what I want I think I'd rather be on my own.

OP posts:
Original poster
BloodyFreezingOutHere · 21/12/2020 20:56

Just end it tonight and block.

Should I wait for a reply?

OP posts:
NC866 · 21/12/2020 20:59

Are you planning to spend Christmas Day with him? I’m not sure whether it’s best to end it before or after Christmas (awkward timing!) but when you do I’d just be honest that you’ve realised it’s too soon for you to get into another relationship as you haven’t fully dealt with the last one yet. Good luck!

NC866 · 21/12/2020 20:59

Don’t just send a message then block him, that’s horrible and no need for it. He deserves to be able to respond, he hasn’t done anything wrong to you

Gazelda · 21/12/2020 21:07

End it tonight by phone. Not text.

Then block.

It's the decent thing to do, and will make it easier to put behind you while you deal with your feelings over your ex.

Sarahlou63 · 21/12/2020 21:10

Just say something along the lines of "I'm sorry but this isn't working for me, I know it's shit timing but it's not fair on either of us".

Original poster
BloodyFreezingOutHere · 21/12/2020 21:13

I wouldn't feel comfortable with blocking him. He hasn't done anything wrong. We haven't fallen out.

This really is a case of my head and heart just aren't in the right place and I don't feel comfortable dragging it out over christmas either.

I've never finished with someone for this reason before. It's usually because they've done something and I feel justified in ending it. But not because my head isn't in the right place?

OP posts:
Afishcalledwonderful · 21/12/2020 21:15

It's never a good time to dump someone so I would just get on and do it now - you will feel so relieved afterwards. I've been in your shoes and I've been ok the receiving end too. I'd take the ex out of the equation; you're just not ready for a relationship which isn't your fault and it sounds like there are some little red flags waving already. Don't suffer over Christmas living a lie.

Afishcalledwonderful · 21/12/2020 21:15

on not ok!

CodenameVillanelle · 21/12/2020 21:16

Jesus Christ what's with the instant blocking?? You don't need to block someone just because you've ended things with them, only if they are likely to be a twat about it.
Just finish it now. Don't leave him dangling.

Aquamarine1029 · 21/12/2020 21:17

I never said to end it by text. I definitely wouldn't do that in this situation. Either in person or over the phone if seeing him in person isn't possible. Tell him what you've told us as to why you're ending it.

CodenameVillanelle · 21/12/2020 21:18

Ending by text is fine for a 2 month thing

Original poster
BloodyFreezingOutHere · 21/12/2020 21:20

Yes, there are some little flags waving.

OP posts:
Marmozet · 21/12/2020 21:21

Just give him a call now and get it over with. You'll feel so much better and plus you're potentially overthinking this.

Original poster
BloodyFreezingOutHere · 21/12/2020 21:22

I think by text is fine for a couple of months.

If the message was respectful, I'd be ok with it.

OP posts:
Marmozet · 21/12/2020 21:28

Send a text but don't block him after sending.

Original poster
BloodyFreezingOutHere · 21/12/2020 21:28

You'll feel so much better and plus you're potentially overthinking this.

That's very true.

I'll do it later. I'm watching something with my kids at the moment.

OP posts:
pumpkinpie01 · 21/12/2020 21:41

What things has he said that mean you wouldn't want to be with him long term ? Can't you use that as your reason ?

Original poster
BloodyFreezingOutHere · 21/12/2020 22:10

What things has he said that mean you wouldn't want to be with him long term ? Can't you use that as your reason?

I think there are potential lifestyle incompatibilities really that are currently being masked by covid/lockdowns.

OP posts:
category12 · 21/12/2020 22:15

You don't need to give in-depth explanations, Just message him something like "It's been nice getting to know you a bit but I've realised it's not going to work out between us, so best end things here. All the best".

ALittleBitConfused1 · 21/12/2020 23:54

I wouldn't worry about dumping him too much. I doubt it's serious, you've only known each other a short while. Let's face it people shouldn't really be dating anyway so id be more worried about the fact that if he was so happy to bubble with a relative stranger who else has he been seeing. Clearly covid rules are not top priority, especially as you're now considering Breaking your bubble with him after a meeting with your ex to either of you so i'd be more worried about catching covid than breaking his heart.

Hawkins001 · 22/12/2020 00:09

With all due respect, your ex must be an ex for a reason, is it worthwhile to cease contact with the new person ?

blisstwins · 22/12/2020 00:31

@NC866

Don’t just send a message then block him, that’s horrible and no need for it. He deserves to be able to respond, he hasn’t done anything wrong to you
Agree. Why would you send a message and block? Seems cold and cruel.