Argh, help me put of a pickle please

[BloodyFreezingOutHere]

It's a pickle of my own making and I feel like I've been a bit of a twat.

I split up with my boyfriend about 3 months ago and, about 3 weeks later, I stupidly signed up to pof. I did it mainly to prove to myself I wasn't missing out on anything and that my decision to remain single from now on was the right one.

Anyway, a guy messaged me and we got talking and met up. I'd had a test since splitting with my bf and had no other bubble, so we bubbled.

We've seen each other several times over the past couple of months. I've stopped over a few times and he's invited me to Christmas dinner. He's talked about me meeting his friends etc. It all seemed pretty harmless and nice enough.

But last week, I bumped into my ex. It made me realise that I'm not over him or actually interested in this man at all and he was just a distraction really. I'm not one for messing people about and I need to end it. It's not fair and I don't want to fake an interest in someone for the sake of it. Besides, he's said a few things that mean I wouldn't want to be with him long term. Neither would I want to be with someone if they were having these thoughts about an ex/me.

I need to break it off with him. Part of me thinks that I should do it now otherwise I'm going to be making excuses not to see him over christmas. He already invited me over to dinner this evening and I just pretended i hadn't seen the message until it was too late

My friends say I can't dump him him just before christmas. I've never done this before. And I don't know what to do for the best. Or what to say to him.

We get on really well and there is a spark so pretending it's something to do with that would be weird.

Any suggestions?

What is with all this talk of blocking!? He hasn't done anything wrong, you're dumping him - blocking is such a hateful thing to do, only for men who are harassing you. I would do it by text then give him the opportunity to talk over phone or in person if he wants (kind thing to do). Think how you'd like to be treated if someone was dumping you and do similar.

Good lord, if a woman posted someone dumped and blocked her there would be cries of what an asshole. Of course you don't just block coldly like that. Treat people as you want to be treated.

Be honest and kind, but make it clear you arent feeling 'it' and for that reason don't want to meet his friends, etc.

Did you do it OP?

You wrote

This really is a case of my head and heart just aren't in the right place and I don't feel comfortable dragging it out over christmas
either.

So these would be true, heartfelt words to use when breaking up.

Hope it went well.

Had you tried to keep a brace face, getting together over Christmas, that would have been terrible in you, you wouldn’t act the same to the guy, he’d know something was up and be upset/on edge. Being honest is best thing and not drag it out.

Yoga yes, that's what I'm going to say I think. It's the truth after all.

For clarity, I didn't 'meet' my exbf, we had both gone for a walk in the park and bumped into each other. We had a chat. In the open air. As is allowed.

I'm not hoping to reconcile with my ex as I ended it but it did make me realise that I'm not ready for anything else.

I hadn't considered blocking him. There is no need to. Unless it becomes necessary when I would.

I'm going to send a message. I'd be happy with a message after a couple of months. But no I haven't done it yet because I'm a wuss

Do you know what you will say?

Your friends are wrong about waiting til after xmas to dump him, that’d be much worse IMO!

Do it this morning, op, get it over and done with.

I think you'd be doing the best thing by ending it now. Nice, polite 'it's not you it's me' message along the lines of what you've written and don't block unless his response is out of line.

Thing is, he now has a few days to process it before Christmas. Most of us are aware to some extent when someone has changed their mind about being with us. So if you wait and make excuses, he might spend Christmas wondering what's going on anyway. A clean break is kinder. Also, you can then relax.

I'm going to message him.amd just say that I've had a really lovely couple of months with him.

(Because I have. He's been nothing but kind and respectful. Is a great cook and a very attentive lover - ahem.)

But that it's not right for me. My heart and head aren't in the right place for a relationship. And it's nothing he's done wrong.

I think.

I think our lifestyles would be incompatible under normal circumstances and that covid restrictions are currently masking this.

Like many people, covid has left him with a lot of time on his hands because his work has been severely reduced. I think he's had two days work since I met him! Whereas my work is harder and more stressful than ever. It's just a complete mismatch! And, if I'm really honest, I'd rather spend my free time taking care of myself.

He has acknowledged that my work is incredibly intense and he appreciates the time I take out for him but (and this sounds awful) but he is right. My work is exhausting and stressful and I just dont have the capacity to prioritise a relationship at the moment.

So maybe that too.

He keeps asking when he can see me over christmas and all i can think.of is sorting the garage, cleaning the house and getting ahead of myself regarding working the new Year!

These are all valid reasons to back off from a fledgling relationship.

Very valid reasons. Let us know how it goes.

Good luck, I hope it goes well. I think he will respect you much more if you are just honest with him. And who knows, you may get together later on when everything has calmed down a bit and you've had some space and time.
No need to block him, I don't get why people are saying that.
You don't live together, no kids, so I do think you need to just be honest and let him know, christmas or not.