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Original poster

Men asking women out

60 replies

inuet · 21/12/2020 15:02

I was talking to a straight single male friend about dating. His argument was that single men don't want to ask women out because they fear rejection and accusations of harassment. He feels men have no self-esteem and loads of them stay single for most of their lives. I maintain that many single straight women do want to be approached respectfully by men they are attracted to. I acknowledged there is a difficulty for the approacher who may not know whether or not the person being approached wants the attention. That is where gracefully accepting no for an answer comes in. Any thoughts?

OP posts:
Whatwouldscullydo · 21/12/2020 18:18

Shame they cant pick up on "get off the x box and play with your child" body language as well as they can a hip wiggle or hair flick...

Krazynights34 · 21/12/2020 18:26

@Whatwouldscullydo
Brilliant!!! 🤣🤣🤣

Lizzie523 · 21/12/2020 18:30

I fancy the backside off a guy at work and I am pretty sure he feels the same from his general behaviour and things he ha said. He also asked me to go for a coffee one day after a work thing. But he is a total gentleman and I reckon he would think very carefully before making a move. He is attuned to me too and is very respectful of women.

I am planning to leave next year so that may help things. We have stayed in touch all through these lockdown but I sort of feel the frisson we had going was wrecked by the pandemic. I think maybe the chance has passed. But we have friends in common outside work so we'll see.

DoWahDiddy · 21/12/2020 18:53

@Polyxena

She wiggled her hips? In what way? That's weird behaviour.

I can’t believe this is a sentence I’m about to type, but have you really never seen someone wiggle their hips in a flirty/jokey way? Do you live in a convent?

Certainly women have done that to me in a jokey way in a nightclub when I was younger or women that I know have done that when having a giggle. But to a stranger during the day? What are your views on builders wolf whistling at women? It's the same thing but in reverse.
willsa · 21/12/2020 19:02

It's completely OK to flirt and still turn down a date. Flirting doesn't mean someone owes you a date. Sex doesn't mean someone owes you relationship.

It's only when man(or woman) doesn't take no for an answer that the harassment starts.

willsa · 21/12/2020 19:04

@DoWahDiddy you have problems Confused

Febo24 · 21/12/2020 19:07

I'm definitely thinking.... Sandi from Grease.

Was it electrifying?

willsa · 21/12/2020 19:08

Most of the time that women don't like whistling and crude remarks by builders is because of Intimidation. Yes - being scared you know!

But here we have yet another male telling us that he also has it tough... You clearly understand f all about it!!

DoWahDiddy · 21/12/2020 19:39

@willsa

Most of the time that women don't like whistling and crude remarks by builders is because of Intimidation. Yes - being scared you know!

But here we have yet another male telling us that he also has it tough... You clearly understand f all about it!!

Don't remember saying I have it tough! Was just saying the behaviour is the same. Some women enjoy being wolf whistled at. Here's an article about Anne Robinson and how she enjoys being whistled at:

www.telegraph.co.uk/news/2016/11/17/i-love-being-wolf-whistled-at-says-anne-robinson/

I get some women can feel intimidated by men's advances. Likewise, some women like the attention. Women are not the same. I enjoyed the attention Ms Wiggle Hips gave me, however, some could say her behaviour was inappropriate. That's the point.

GimmeSammy · 21/12/2020 19:42

I just keep refreshing to see how you would wiggle your hips.

willsa · 21/12/2020 20:06

I enjoyed the attention Ms Wiggle Hips gave me, however, some could say her behaviour was inappropriate. That's the point.

@DoWahDiddy You are derailing the thread and also contradicting yourself. YOU clearly liked the attention you were receiving. To the point you started frequenting her place of work and having long conversations (if I remember correctly from the previous threads you were mentioning this woman on). She enjoyed the attention, flirtation but does NOT want to take it further or go on a date with you. Now get over that fact!! This is the illustration of someone who just can't let it go.

I didn't say that in all situations male to female attention is unwelcome. I said that when it crosses the line, it's usually unpleasant because it's rude and/or intimidating. You just don't get it!

I have a current police case against a man who was constantly stopping me when out and about and asking me out for a date with him. "No" only lasted a few days. It was so regular that I suspected he must be following me. He was never threatening, just flirty and actually incredulous that I didn't want a date. Police have taken it very seriously and I have a pocket alarm now.
I bet he can't see he's done wrong!

Raidblunner · 21/12/2020 20:17

Shame really your just never going to win when on one hand your labelled a 'Cocky Munter' or a 'No Prawn Dick' on the other. Damned if you do and damned if you don't!
If your to nice then your labelled as 'pathetic' and finish last.
And then there's the women that like their bad boys until they're sick of being shat on. Its a fucking wonder anyone ever gets or stays together!

DoWahDiddy · 21/12/2020 20:20

@willsa

You're projecting. Hope you're not insinuating I'm the type not to take 'No' for an answer? That is what this thread is about, men being to scared to ask women out. I'm over the rejection, was just using it as an example then PP commented on it and it expanded into hip wiggling!

Sorry for your current situation. I do get it, I had a partner who was raped and saw the psychological damage it done.

Ceriane · 21/12/2020 20:28

Tell him not to worry. Just get chatting to people and if it feels right, ask them out for a drink or a coffee. He won’t get accused of harassment for that surely, it’s just human nature, as long as he’s respectful and doesn’t push the issue if someone says no.

Clymene · 21/12/2020 20:31

@Ceriane

Tell him not to worry. Just get chatting to people and if it feels right, ask them out for a drink or a coffee. He won’t get accused of harassment for that surely, it’s just human nature, as long as he’s respectful and doesn’t push the issue if someone says no.
Exactly. It's really not hard.

If she says no, she's not interested
If she says she's really busy, maybe another time - she's not interested
If she says she's really busy this week but how about Tuesday next week - she's interested

willsa · 21/12/2020 20:43

@Clymene has it right.

@DoWahDiddy it's just that you seem incredulous (and keep on mentioning it on this forum) that a flirty woman didn't want a date with you. That, coupled with "some women like the attention and wolf-whistles" is a slippery slope.

You ask out a woman (flirty or not) you like, she says no, you leave it at that and forget. That's an emotionally balanced reaction.

willsa · 21/12/2020 20:47

There was a man in bushes in the park wiggling his hips at me. He had no pants on. Was definitely suggestive. I think I missed the signs he wanted a date. I wasn't close enough to see if his cheeks were flushed and his pupils dilated. Grin

itsoffical · 21/12/2020 20:49

@willsa Grin

itsoffical · 21/12/2020 20:50

There's not many people I've been close enough to see if their pupils were dilated, and I've been round the block a few times!

DoWahDiddy · 21/12/2020 20:58

@willsa

it's just that you seem incredulous (and keep on mentioning it on this forum) that a flirty woman didn't want a date with you.

I made a thread about it months ago, yes, as I was confused. As far as I can remember I don't keep mentioning it although I fully accept I may have used it as a metaphor to answer in other people's threads.

The way Ms Wiggle Hips and I left it was she suggested we could be friends and go for coffee. I'm like, 'Nah'. I'm over it.

Wibble01 · 21/12/2020 21:01

I read an article a few years back by a man late 20s /early 30s explaining how his dating life had changed with OLD as basically he'd been too shy to just ask ladies out but Tinder and other sites has took that uncomfortable aspect away.
Having met my long term partner before OLD had really took off and coming out of it the other side I associate a lot with what he said. As a quieter person I have to say the advent of OLD has made it a lot easier. Without it I think Id have really struggled given lack of opportunities between work/kids and then the awkwardness of approaching women.
I do understand why they say you meet a different type of man with OLD. Presumably though it must work for some women in a similar way?

DoWahDiddy · 21/12/2020 21:29

@willsa @itsoffical

I missed those responses about a man in a park with his pants down, dilated pupils and flushed cheeks. Made me laugh!

Women did used to use belladonna to dilate their pupils to make themselves more alluring. Fact! Those come hitherto eyes are something men pick up on.

Same thing with pink blush makeup on cheeks, what do the pair of you think that's all about?!

See, these are all the things they teach you in psycho-stalker school!

FifteenToes · 22/12/2020 01:45

@inuet

I was talking to a straight single male friend about dating. His argument was that single men don't want to ask women out because they fear rejection and accusations of harassment. He feels men have no self-esteem and loads of them stay single for most of their lives. I maintain that many single straight women do want to be approached respectfully by men they are attracted to. I acknowledged there is a difficulty for the approacher who may not know whether or not the person being approached wants the attention. That is where gracefully accepting no for an answer comes in. Any thoughts?
You can gracefully accept no for an answer and still feel it as a rejection.

Of course your friend is right. It's never pleasant to approach someone you like and find out they don't like you the same way. This is not a new thing.

Of course you're right too. Some men are ridiculous and out of order in their capacity to impose themselves when they've been told a woman isn't interested, and need to learn to sod off.

Iminaglasscaseofemotion · 22/12/2020 01:54

Her pupils would dilate

Fuck me you must have been close to her face to notice something like that. She would blush while talking, but had the confidence to stand outside the window infront of other people and wiggle her hips in a sexy, suggestive way?

ClareBlue · 22/12/2020 02:45

You want to try the walk across the dance floor in front of all your mates to ask the girl you fancy for a dance in front of her mates lined up against the wall. Or have those days passed?