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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Domestic Violence next door

39 replies

Longdale · 23/10/2007 19:50

I'm starting to think the house next door is cursed. When I first moved into this house it was empty and then this wierd couple moved in...the woman (in her late 40's, early 50's) would throw stones at my window and chase cats around her garden...then one day the police arrived and a few minutes later, an ambulance and the man was taken away with a huge bandage around his neck...she's tried to slit his throat.

Anyway, they moved out. Then this other couple moved in and they were even worse...constant arguining, shouting, screaming...he would kick her out and blast Eminem songs through the window at 2am and 3am whilst she stood shouting and screaming on the doorstep. Occasionally we would hear him beating her up, one time he chased her outside and dragged her across the garden by her hair before beating her up in front of a load of workmen (which went down like a lead balloon) and then one time he beat her up so badly that an ambulance was called and she was taken away on a stretcher.

They moved out.

Then another couple moved in...the ones that are there now and at first they seemed fine but now I'm hearing the odd argument and a couple of weeks ago I heard an argument spiral out of control and she ended up screaming and crying and he was shouting "I dont care" as she screamed...seemingly in pain.

Today it happened again only this time it was obvious she was being beaten up, she was screaming, shouting "sorry", crying...he was shouting and balling at the top of his voice, telling her she was crazy and it was her that was the problem...she was the reason he had turned nasty etc...then something which really disturbed me...their 2 year old started crying and he made the woman sing "wheels on the bus" really loud and she was crying all the way through and clapping her hands really loudly as if she was being forced to do it...I was scared just listening to it so god knows what the child must have thought.

My first instict was to keep out of it but because we've had so many violent families next door I fear I'm getting "used to it" which really shouldn't be the case.

Should I keep out of it or...what would you do?

OP posts:

satine · 23/10/2007 19:54

God, what a nightmare. But personally I wouldn't be able to ignore it. Could you have a word with her when he's at work? Invite her and her little one round for a coffee? At least she'll know that you're on her side. Even if she says she doesn't want your help, perhaps your concern will make her realise that it's serious. And that she has to do something for the sake of her child.

policywonk · 23/10/2007 19:56

Please don't ignore it. Call the police next time you hear anything like this.

ibroughtcake · 23/10/2007 19:58

OMG, please call the police if you hear this again, even if she doesn't press charges I think the police do anyway these days (not sure on that so don't quote me!)

How awful

constancereader · 23/10/2007 19:58

phone the police
I have done this, it is the only option.

FluffyMummy123 · 23/10/2007 19:59

Message withdrawn

carolcoles · 23/10/2007 20:00

Call the police, you'd never forgive yourself if something really bad happened to her or the child and you'd not done anything. Tricky one though!!

chankins · 23/10/2007 20:03

Yes I agree, I would definitely call the police if I heard that from my neighbours. Not a nice position to be in for you hough. And how strange this is the third time its happened in that house !?!

curlywurlycremeegg · 23/10/2007 20:04

Difficult one as I haven't heard what is going on but my gut instinct is to call the duty social worker as exposure to domestic violence is child abuse and although this mother may be in no position to protect her child someone needs to

mamazon · 23/10/2007 20:06

what are you doing here? you have just witnessed a women being assaulted a child being placed in danger.

call the police now and demand they send someone round to check she is ok.
then tomorrow go and knock and ask if she is ok. tell her you have overheard their arguments and that you are there to help her if she needs it.

SeaShells · 23/10/2007 20:06

NO don't stay out of it, please. When things turned nasty with ex-DP I would wish with all my heart that a neighbour/anyone would help me. No one ever did. Once it all came out and the police became involved, my neighbours talked to the police and said they'd heard it happening many times

edam · 23/10/2007 20:08

Please call the police. Before it gets any worse. This child and woman need your help.

Elizabetth · 23/10/2007 20:08

Call the police. Lundy Bancroft who is always being quoted here says one of the reasons that violent men get away with it so much is because nobody is prepared to step in even though they are witness to it.

I disagree with reporting the woman. It's hardly her fault that she's got a violent bastard as a partner. Imagine getting beaten up and then losing your child on top of that.

mmelody · 23/10/2007 20:12

Call the police. If it was happening outside a house you would not think twice about calling them. You can remain anonymous. Please don't stay out it.

curlywurlycremeegg · 23/10/2007 20:12

Elizabeth, she won't (shouldn't) have her child child taken away from her for this and if the police are called social services will be involved anyway as it is classed as child abuse, like I said this woman may not have any option in keeping her child safe but this child does need protection

JodieG1 · 23/10/2007 20:13

Definitely call the police next time, that poor woman and child Can you speak with her alone at any point? See if you can help?

mamazon · 23/10/2007 20:13

Elizabeth? why would she lose her child?

who said report her?

please read teh posts before makign statements like that. it was recommended that tehy call social services as that child has been caught up in the middle of a violant incident. she will be terrified and could well have been placed in danger herself.

social services will be able to discuss teh mothers options with her for escaping the domestic abuse. she will be informed that by staying yes she is placing her child in danger.

but of course she wouldnt lose her child (unless, in the extreme mother stays and continues to be violantly abused and does nothing)

MrsLynetteScavo · 23/10/2007 20:15

You can't ignor something like this when a child is involved. I agree it's a good idea to invite the woman around for coffee.

You really don't want to spend the next few years listening to this going on next door, do you? Personally I would phone the NSPCC and ask their advice tommorow morning.

curlywurlycremeegg · 23/10/2007 20:15

mamazon, thanks, thought I had maybe been a bit vaugue in what I was saying, wouldn't want anyone thinking I was saying it was the woman's fault

JodieG1 · 23/10/2007 20:15

Just realised you just heard it, call police now.

IndulgeMePlease · 23/10/2007 20:23

Please, please call the police. Ask for your local Police Community Safety Bureau - they will have specially trained Domestic Abuse officers who can put the woman in touch with her local support networks, and even if no charges are pressed the address will still then 'be in the system' and any future call-outs might be responded to more quickly, or other agencies working with the family can then be alerted to look out for further signs of abuse, eg Health Visitor, Probation (if involved with the man?) and Social Services.

It's strange, I'd come on Mumsnet to escape thinking about DV - I'm just applying for a job working with victims, and then just randomly (on Facebook) viewed the saddest video I've ever seen about a 3 year old American girl who was killed by her physically abusive stepfather. It's sadly still so much more prevalent than it needs to be, but you have a chance to play your part in stopping an awful situation becoming any worse. Good luck and well done for caring enough to act.

IndulgeMePlease · 23/10/2007 20:45

Have you made a decision about what to do Longdale?

YeahBut · 23/10/2007 20:47

Call the police.

mamazon · 23/10/2007 20:51

i am worried my posts seem harsh.

basicly i spent years being hit and not being able to call anyone. he would smash phones to pieces if i tried to get to them....we went through abuot 2 a month.

i longed for a neighbour or passer by to hear me and call someone.
they never did.

AitchTwoOh · 23/10/2007 20:52

you should call the police i think, it sounds awful. you don't happen to live next door to the Overlook Hotel, do you?

LoveMyGirls · 23/10/2007 20:57

I would and have phoned, I was in a DV relationship and can remember scrambling for the door only to be hit on the head and dragged back in when i finally made it outside i screamed and screamed for help and passers by ignored me. For the person being abused calling the police themselves makes thigns worse but if someone else does it then it's not their fault and they may get the help they need.

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