He doesn't listen and calls me crazy

[Notanybody]

This seems to be the pattern now.
Try talking to DH about an issue or something that's bothering me but he's learned this stock response. I'm often called "crazy" and "unreasonable". This seems to be his go-to response now before he even tries to understand where I might be coming from.

It's now making me crazy and unreasonable. He obviously doesn't respect me or my thoughts and feelings. Emotionally, I'm a bit of a mess.

There's no hope for us is there?

Is there an issue that is coming up over and over?

Various issues really.
Lack of affection, lack of quality time, chores (the same issues like leaving disgusting cloths hanging over the taps and leaving the sink full of stagnant water and food- I become emotional after asking him over and over again not to do this), the amount of time he spends on hobbies.

He becomes so stubborn that there is no softening or penetrating his thinking at all, I lose my temper, he calls me crazy.

It does sound like he doesn’t respect you. Firstly by continuing in habits that are not pleasant to live with and secondly by calling you crazy. I’m not surprised you’re an emotional mess - when people you trust walk stomp on your feelings it’s hard not to be. I don’t think there is much hope OP, sorry.

He isn’t going to change and neither are you, so one question - do you still want to be with him in 5 years time ?

He doesn't respect you and isn't interested in what you have to say. Listening to you means engaging in a conversation and potentially considering that his behaviour is impacting on you. He doesn't want to do that.

He's slowly breaking you down OP

What do you want to do?

He's not respecting you & it's not surprising HIS BEHAVIOUR is making you crazy! Ask yourself if you can actually see DH changing & if you really want to stay with him if he doesn't. Good luck, but know your worth.

Throw out the cloths.

Divorced him and use 'constantly calls me unreasonable' on the list of grounds for divorce.

• divorce

I've seriously asked him why my thoughts and feelings are never valid enough to be heard...
But that is apparently not true either, I'm imagining this also.
Nowhere to go with that is there really! 🤷‍♀️

How long has this been going on?
How long have you been married or together for?

Do you think you're crazy? Do you think your feelings are valid enough to be heard?

Respect your own feelings about this, not his. Don't sway towards his 'truth'. Spend as much time as you can with people who also respect your feelings, and no, there is no hope. He's being emotionally abusive. You don't even want hope. You want singledom or a totally different partner.

It's called gaslighting.

Its emotional abuse.

He does know how he is making you feel and that his behaviour is wrong. He just doesn't want you to know he knows and that his behaviour, is deliberate.

He’s gaslighting you.

It’s abusive. You need to consider your options.

Men like this never ever change. Ever.
He has a choice about how he treats you and he has made that choice very clear

You have choices too OP and I can assure you you are NOT crazy

Have you tried doing it back to him?

Yes it is gaslighting, yes he knows what he's doing but he thinks it's fine to control you in order to make life easier for himself

id say you were right, the relationship isnt going to go anywhere with someone like that

It’s a Groundhog Day relationship OP but I’m not gonna jump on the bandwagon of slating your DH (despite him deserving it) because ‘groundhog day relationships’ are (removing coercive control situations...etc) very much split fault!

You: I’m not happy about X
DH: Urgh you’re always having a go aren’t you?
You: tearful IM FED UP, you don’t listen to me!
DH: You’re crazy I’m sick of this!

(Repeat to INFINITY, always the same issues you have, always the same response from him)

The first time this happened it was shitty of him but the hundredth time this happened well by that point you’re kinda as bad as he is!
You keep hitting him over the head with the same issues, he keeps showing you very VERY clearly he doesn’t care, is not willing to change and doesn’t respect you. So what are you hoping to achieve? Why are you still doing this dance? At this point you probably are extremely irritating to him. I don’t mean to sound harsh I’ve just watched this situation play out a million times and I always think WHY? Why are you still engaging with them thinking anything might change? X

It doesn't get better. I divorced over this sort of thing, amongst other things. In my case I started to dislike the person I was becoming and felt like I was ageing too quickly with the stress and exasperation. It's no way to live, and since divorcing I feel like me again and am very happy. No regrets.

Ask yourself, am I happy? Can things improve? Do I want to live like this forever?

If not, think about cutting your losses. Nobody wants to encourage anyone to divorce but life is too short to be miserable with someone who doesn't give enough of shit to care about your unhappiness, especially when they are the cause.

He isn't listening to you or your needs. Its actually really disrespectful

I couldnt put up with that, I'd LTB, get your ducks in a row OP

Stop trying to communicate whatever it is and act upon the fact that he won't listen.

Bit different because it's my parents but I"m processing the fact that they do not want to hear me, and have so many strategies to not hear.

I will stop trying to be heard and keep a distance now.

I knwo that's harder when it's your ''partner''

Op, I suspect he can't handle any perceived criticism or is able to compromise which is why he reacts as he does. He uses tactics such as deflecting, blaming and name calling to shut you down.

Does he ever agree to hear your issues?

Yes, go on to you tube and google defense mechanisms. You.will realise you are pushing water uphill trying to be heard.

Try kati morton 12 defense mechanisms