Silly squabble with DH

[pippypoppybumbum]

Just a moan really. Do let me know if I am being a picky arse! I have been up loads with our small baby and DH on nights. He comes in when I am up with the baby and when I'm talking he puts his arm around me and then burps in my face. Like against my face. He did it without thinking. I said ewww that's disgusting and try wriggling away from him. He initially says sorry, I said you don't just burp in my face, and he says I don't need this I'm going to bed. He angrily said I know you've been up with the baby but I've worked my ass off all night and I don't need this blah blah and storms off. I know this sounds petty but he's so incredibly touchy and loses his temper a lot. I am sick of it! He's finds offence in nothing and goes nuts. It's like treading on eggshells, even his own parents have said they tread on eggshells. would you want burped in the face? I won't begin to tell you about his arse!!
I know this all sounds stupid and funny, I suppose I'm just going through a lot of doubt just now and I believe he is narcissistic too. Everything is about him poor me etc. He turns everything I mean everything around to be about him! He's insulted, he's treated badly, he's the victim etc.

He sounds like a catch

I wouldn’t like that either! Why do men think this behaviour is acceptable or funny ? I really don’t like the other type of noises they think is acceptable to just do and laugh either! I find it a total turn off !

My ex did that and it used to REALLY piss me off- it’s the principle of it IMO- absolutely zero respect for you when he does that. It’s just plain disgusting and I wouldn’t find it funny either @pippypoppybumbum.

Gross

He wasn't even trying to be funny. He's just quite gross and thinks this sort of thing should be ok. But I think it's disgusting. And then he plays the victim every time. Everything is always about him. 😡

I guess my point is he makes me feel bad for doing something completely natural.... wanting to get away from someone burping in my face. He also farts constantly. It stinks.

Sounds like he doesn’t respect you at best, and/or is emotionally abusive.

It doesn’t sound stupid or funny, his behaviour is awful!

What are his good points?

@doser I'll need to keep an eye on that because he has the potential to be emotionally abusive but without intention. That's because he only thinks about himself so he won't think about the affect his behaviour has. Additionally he lacks empathy. When I was pregnant I cried saying that I don't feel he has any interest in this baby and I feel so alone. I was arranging and preparing everything on my own. He didn't even give me a hug. I think that was because it was about him.

You need to clear the air with him and tell him that he is suffocating you. His little stink parades won't be tollarated perhaps by him some interesting Xmas present that elevates the aroma in the home.

@Windmillwhirl it's funny you ask that because I was trying to think that some time ago. We don't laugh, he's not fun he's not interested in socialising. I guess he's hard working, driven and has amazing will power. Likes to keep fit etc. That doesn't really help our relationship much though.

@MummyShah369 I've told him I hate it over and over. I sleep more in the spare room (which we will convert into the baby room soon) because I can't sleep due to the smell. Even though we are practically in separate beds every night he still doesn't think I'm serious. It's so gross.

By the way I told him what to get me for Christmas because I wanted something for me for a change not something for the house or something he can get enjoyment out of too!

So how do you see him and your relationship in the future ?
Do you think his behaviour is ok and you’re happy with it, or do you think you won’t put up with it for another 5, 10, 15 years ?
I ask because, I’m my experience, their behaviour becomes irritating and resentment sets in.
What positives does he bring to your relationship ?

We're fairly childish in this house, and I'm far from prudish. But that is disgusting! Doesn't sound like that's really the problem though. You both know it's disgusting. His reaction to you disliking it is worse. Going nuts because someone doesn't like you burping in their face? That isn't a normal sort of reaction. Saying "Sorry, I won't do it again" and not doing it again, is a normal reaction.

He sounds like bad news.

It sounds like you’ve been trying to ‘manage’ him. It’d be better to put that energy into getting out of the relationship.

@MangoBiscuit I hear what you're saying and it's good to have some perspective on it. He goes nuts because he immediately thinks poor me I don't need this me me me me me! He doesn't stop to think if he's being unreasonable or think if his behaviour is acceptable.

@Dozer. I've been considering this but honestly I think he's inadvertently got me into a situation where I'm dependent on him. I left my work so he could start a new job and career in a different country in the UK and went from being financially stable to reliant on him because there's no work for me in this area. I did try for years writing letters constantly etc but got no where. People would respond saying you sound great but we have no positions available. So now I'm in a low paid job. All my savings went on a deposit for a house. I don't know how I would get out with two kids. I don't thrown it's possible and I have no where to go.

Think*

I think if you have proof your savings went down as a deposit you would get that back once sold. He sounds bloody awful and I doubt he will change.

@yearinyearout I don't think he will change too. I keep wondering if I'm being unfair or hard on him. Is it as bad as it sounds?! Well I suppose I'm being truthful and honest. However I guess I am putting some emotion into this post. I don't have family around. All one moved abroad. My mum is 2 hours drive away and I haven't lived here long enough to make any true friends. I have friends about an hour away but can't exactly move in with them. They have their own families etc.

I suppose I need to decide what I want. Do I live with this or get out. I will need to live with it for a while at least because I'm currently on maternity leave and I need to recover financially.

Jesus that's vile. Find a way to get out OP it's clear you want to. This relationship doesn't have staying power.

I remember my father doing similar to my mother. It was a total lack of respect. He was also emotionally abusive. She FINALLY divorced him after we practically made her when we were teens. These men are disgusting, selfish, entitled pigs. Honestly don't waste good years on him. Sit down with a pen and paper and make a plan.

How long have you been married for op? It could affect the divorce settlement.

Only 7 years married. Not long enough?

He just got up. Started talking about Christmas lunch and getting the turkey on Christmas Eve. I said because you're working in the afternoon why don't you think about a simpler lunch so you're not slaving away in the kitchen and missing Christmas with your children. Now you won't believe what he said. He said well if people made decent food and not crap I would t have to. I was like what you mean me? I am a crap cook? He said well I'm always left people don't help me. Again I was like are you talking about me? On Christmas Day only my mum tends to visit. Anyway I didn't get an answer he said why are you having a go at me I just got out of bed and you're already having a go at me. I had a really really busy and stressful shift last night blah blah I don't remember the rest to be honest. I think a part of me has gotten into the habit of ignoring it. Then our 3 year old said she needed the loo and As I was trying to wean our baby he took her to the loo and that was the end of that.
WTF? That's because I stuck up for myself ..... well sort of..... if he's going to throw insults I want it clarified if he's talking about me. I mean it must be me right? Hmmmm .....