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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Silly squabble with DH

48 replies

pippypoppybumbum · 21/12/2020 06:58

Just a moan really. Do let me know if I am being a picky arse! I have been up loads with our small baby and DH on nights. He comes in when I am up with the baby and when I'm talking he puts his arm around me and then burps in my face. Like against my face. He did it without thinking. I said ewww that's disgusting and try wriggling away from him. He initially says sorry, I said you don't just burp in my face, and he says I don't need this I'm going to bed. He angrily said I know you've been up with the baby but I've worked my ass off all night and I don't need this blah blah and storms off. I know this sounds petty but he's so incredibly touchy and loses his temper a lot. I am sick of it! He's finds offence in nothing and goes nuts. It's like treading on eggshells, even his own parents have said they tread on eggshells. would you want burped in the face? I won't begin to tell you about his arse!!
I know this all sounds stupid and funny, I suppose I'm just going through a lot of doubt just now and I believe he is narcissistic too. Everything is about him poor me etc. He turns everything I mean everything around to be about him! He's insulted, he's treated badly, he's the victim etc.

OP posts:
pippypoppybumbum · 21/12/2020 13:05

Just want to mention that why should both parents be in the kitchen and miss the kids opening presents? I prioritise my children. Not that the baby can open any yet lol. X

OP posts:
Shoxfordian · 21/12/2020 14:35

He sounds shit. Make this Christmas your last one with him. What steps can you take to divorce?

Colourmeclear · 21/12/2020 15:00

If he knows his selfishness upsets you and he does nothing about it then it is intentional. He could change, get help, try harder, apologise, talk to you with respect. If he's doing none of those things then he doesn't care and expects you to just put up with because you know what he's like. That's not going to change, can you see another 5 or 10 years of this?

Nanny0gg · 21/12/2020 15:05

@pippypoppybumbum

I guess my point is he makes me feel bad for doing something completely natural.... wanting to get away from someone burping in my face. He also farts constantly. It stinks.
He's a disrespectful pig
Nanny0gg · 21/12/2020 15:07

Surely you're all in the room for present opening and cooking comes later?

Bence69 · 21/12/2020 15:27

He sounds like a complete arsehole! Hope he chokes on the turkey!

Rebelwithverysharpclaws · 21/12/2020 15:28

This is about him being disrespectful. I bet he secretly hates women.
Also what father would not want to watch the kids present opening.
Start saving your money OP. When you shop by the cheapest of everything for him. Sell whatever you have bought him for Christmas and give him some indigestion tablets instead.

pippypoppybumbum · 21/12/2020 17:07

@Bence69

He sounds like a complete arsehole! Hope he chokes on the turkey!
This actually made me laugh! Thanks I needed that I'm a bit emotional x
OP posts:
pippypoppybumbum · 21/12/2020 17:09

@Rebelwithverysharpclaws

This is about him being disrespectful. I bet he secretly hates women. Also what father would not want to watch the kids present opening. Start saving your money OP. When you shop by the cheapest of everything for him. Sell whatever you have bought him for Christmas and give him some indigestion tablets instead.
I need to seriously skrimp and save. I need a plan. I need money. I have none it all went on the house. I used to be the bread winner but gave everything up for him to do a new career now I'm completely reliant on him. Haha indigestion tablets so funny. Honestly I'm just having a little cry so this has a actually calmed me down.
OP posts:
pippypoppybumbum · 21/12/2020 17:11

In previous years he has been in the kitchen missing the kids opening and playing with new things. He said I'm crap in the kitchen so I now have no desire to cook or help him.

OP posts:
AgentJohnson · 21/12/2020 17:14

Rant away but it doesn’t change that your children’s primary relationship role model is between you and this disgusting snowflake.

If this isn’t the type of man that you’d want your DD to have a relationship with, why is it acceptable for her mother? Think about it.

ReggaePerrin · 21/12/2020 17:23

He sounds like my ex, OP. He used to burp in my face, especially when he'd been eating something I don't like. I eventually asked him why he did it and he said "Because I'm a bully and I want you to suffer". That was quite near the end. There was a lot more besides, as there is for you too. He too was always the victim, it's part of their act.

When you're speaking of your husband you quite often say he 'unintentionally' did something. Are you so sure? They are very good actors/liars. Abusers want to get their victims away from their normal support networks like friends and family so that they are reliant on them and feel unable to get away when they realise life's not as good as it once was.

You feel bad enough now, I'm sorry to say that will only get worse. Don't let him know any of your thoughts or plans, grey rock him when he starts goading you but most of all keep yourself and your children safe Flowers

goingtosnow · 21/12/2020 17:39

I feel for you, OP.
I'm in some ways a similar situation, had a good job but moved for his job so i gave mine up to be at home with young kids (to be fair i was happy with this). Now however I'm completely reliant and really struggling to find a job.
DH does not burp in my face but instead he would leave the toilet door open after he's been for nr2 and not crack a window or put the ventilation on. Sometimes i would step in the house downstairs and it completely stinks. In the past i have asked him not to do that and every time he got upset and was insulted and i ended up being the bad guy... so now i put up with it and quietly open windows (so not to insult him by insinuating that his shit stinksHmm)
I realise now how ridiculous this all sounds having written it down Confused unfortunately that's just a minor issue

soopedup · 21/12/2020 17:40

Gross.

pippypoppybumbum · 21/12/2020 17:43

@ReggaePerrin

He sounds like my ex, OP. He used to burp in my face, especially when he'd been eating something I don't like. I eventually asked him why he did it and he said "Because I'm a bully and I want you to suffer". That was quite near the end. There was a lot more besides, as there is for you too. He too was always the victim, it's part of their act.

When you're speaking of your husband you quite often say he 'unintentionally' did something. Are you so sure? They are very good actors/liars. Abusers want to get their victims away from their normal support networks like friends and family so that they are reliant on them and feel unable to get away when they realise life's not as good as it once was.

You feel bad enough now, I'm sorry to say that will only get worse. Don't let him know any of your thoughts or plans, grey rock him when he starts goading you but most of all keep yourself and your children safe Flowers

This is a real eye opener for me because when we moved here my mum said that she felt he was trying to take me away from her and everyone. He said himself he is a bit of a loner and just wants to be left alone. I'm no young spring chicken. I have to seriously think if this will be the best thing for my children. I do it all for them. I have hardly a penny to my name and little equity in the house. This is so daunting for me but I need to decide. He seems so different now in comparison to before and just after we married. I find myself struggling to find anything nice about himAnymore.
OP posts:
pippypoppybumbum · 21/12/2020 17:48

I have never claimed a benefit in my life. I make 20K but my take home wage is a crappy £1200 ish a month. Would I be entitled to any benefits? Childcare is £53 per day it would literally take up all my wage as I have 2 but I assume my husband would have to contribute.
Thanks all this has been a real eye opener for me x

OP posts:
ReggaePerrin · 21/12/2020 18:17

@goingtosnow In the past i have asked him not to do that and every time he got upset and was insulted and i ended up being the bad guy... so now i put up with it and quietly open windows (so not to insult him by insinuating that his shit stinkshmm) I realise now how ridiculous this all sounds having written it down

That's because it is ridiculous. Any decent person wouldn't want to inflict the smell of their shit on anyone else but your husband actively tries to. And then gets offended that you don't sniff it up in delight. Mine was the same. You say it's a minor issue but is it the only one?

Pippypoppy I think Women's Aid would be helpful for you. Abuse doesn't have to be physical to warrant their help. You don't have to go through all this alone, it's very daunting, especially when he has isolated you for your family.

Babysharkdoodoodood · 21/12/2020 18:19

If your mum's coming for Christmas Day, why don't you just take the kids and go back with her?

pippypoppybumbum · 21/12/2020 18:24

@Babysharkdoodoodood because she lives in a tiny one bedroom flat and I would have to take the kids. X

OP posts:
goingtosnow · 21/12/2020 18:38

Reggaeperrin
What i meant was this is a minor issue compared to other issues we are having Sad it's not great unfortunately

category12 · 21/12/2020 18:56

i think 5 years and under is a "short marriage", so you should have a claim on the marital assets.

You can check out what you're likely to get as a sole parent using the entitled to website, and there's a child maintenance calculator on the gov.uk websiite.

Arrivederla · 21/12/2020 19:21

After 7 years of marriage you will have a claim on marital assets especially as you said (I think?) that you put down most of the house deposit. Did you live together before marriage? If so, those years may also be taken into account.

You definitely won't be leaving the marriage with nothing. I would prioritise getting legal advice here.

Good luck. Flowers

MummyShah369 · 21/12/2020 23:25

This situation stinks, however you need to look at the long term you just need to leave the old fart... Perhaps leave a stinky nappy next to him to give him a smell of his own medicine...
Make a plan get out if you can't stand him this will rub on to the kids and it just leads to bad smells...

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