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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Can anyone help interpret this weekend for me..?

54 replies

TheLightsOnTheTree · 20/12/2020 21:18

I know the answer is no, not really. Not without knowing the people involved! But I'd love some third party opinions please.

About 13 months ago. I met a man. We dated for a few months and I broke it off. Largely because of stress at my work, stress of lockdown, some stuff he was going through that meant he was a bit distant and so I'd got it into my head that he wasn't that into me and ended it. He agreed with it at the time but his voice was shaky at the end of the phone call.

Anyway, he asked if we could remain friends. I agreed but didnt expect anything to come of it. We kept in touch for the the first 3 weeks but didnt see each other. He initiated all contact and, tbh, I was surprised to hear from him. Then we started meeting for the occasional walk in the park. It was really nice. Not awkward, no reference to the break up or us having ever been together. Just nice.

Technically, we are stil in a bubble so the other week, he came round to mine for a bit, we went to a local pub that was doing christmassy food and mulled wine from the car park and it started to feel a bit 'different'. Tbh, it felt like a date. And, when we hugged and kissed goodbye at the end of the night, he kissed me on the lips rather than the cheek. Well, a peck on the corner of the mouth anyway. It was a real 'something there that wasnt there before' moment.

On Friday night, I went round to his for the evening. He cooked and I made mulled wine. I'd made a bit of an effort to look nice and he complimented my hair, my shoes, and the way I looked in general. More than once. But very respectfully, reservedly and politely.

We had a really lovely night. We laughed, talked and danced and sang like idiots to christmas songs in his living room. He put a Frank Sinatra album on and we danced together; cheek to cheek. He sang along to I've got you under my skin quietly as we danced.

At the end of the night, we kissed and hugged goodnight. No snog but a proper on the lips kiss and I went to sleep in the spare room.

Yesterday, I mentioned going home and he told me there was no rush and asked me to stay for a bit longer. So I did. We gave each other a foot massage - so all very intimate but not sexual at all. In fact, over the whole weekend, there were 'looks' between us and moments of intimacy but nothing was said and no more done. And I caught him 'looking' at me a few times.

Anyway, I mentioned coming home again later in the day and he invited me to stop another night, if I wanted. We spent another lovely evening together
Quieter than the previous night. Sitting very close to each other on the sofa, occasional hand on the knee etc. He made a few comments that I wasn't sure were supposed to he flirty or not so I ignored them! 🙄

We were both tired and the evening was marred somewhat by a conversation with his family about their christmas plans being ruined by the new rules and he was a bit agitated. He apologised that it hadn't been the evening he'd envisaged us having. At one point i rested my head on his shoulder and he put his arm around me. We stayed with my head on his chest for an hour maybe and I fell asleep on him. He woke me to go to bed. I sensed a few pauses and moments of hesitation where I wasn't sure if he wanted to do or say something but had thought better of it before we went to bed. Again, we hugged and kissed goodnight and I went to sleep in the spare room.

He told me he'd had a really lovely couple of nights with me, had really enjoyed it and it had been a lot of fun. I agreed.

We were very close. There were several moments of intimacy but no suggestion of sex.

My feeling is that if he had been looking for a hook up, he would have made a move. It felt more like a slow and respectful 'wooing' but I'm not sure if I'm reading too much into it!

Everything as fine this morning and I left his at midday as he had somewhere to go. Again we hugged and kissed goodbye and he repeated that he'd had a lovely weekend.

How would you interpret it?

OP posts:
Windmillwhirl · 20/12/2020 21:23

What do you want it to be? Sounds like he is keen and waiting on the nod from you

iloverock · 20/12/2020 21:26

He wants more but he's waiting for you to say so. He's not going to take that first step and be rejected again.
If you are not interested then you are giving him the wrong signals and you owe him honesty at least.
He sounds lovely. What's the problem.

JurassicParkAha · 20/12/2020 21:27

Not sure what you're after tbh? Do you like him, or just like the attention? If you like him, why not just kiss him properly, and not dither quite so much. You're the one who ended it, so you're going to have to make the move - he's given enough indication he is interested.

Next time you're staying over, don't sleep in the spare room... Wink

Purplethrow · 20/12/2020 21:28

I think he would like a relationship with you but is being respectful and not pushing things . What would you like to happen?

goldenharvest · 20/12/2020 21:28

He sounds as though he wants to be in a relationship with you but is holding back and waiting for you to give him an indication of how you feel, because you were the one who broke it off. Therefore only you can switch it on again

Purplethrow · 20/12/2020 21:29

I agree with a pp , if you don’t want to be with him, don’t lead him on.

TheCattleGrid · 20/12/2020 21:30

TotallybagreeTotally agree with the others posting on this thread.

HairyArsedMan · 20/12/2020 21:42

He wants you to let him know your feelings have changed. He suspects it, but does not want to blow up the friendship that has developed (because he really values you as part of his life).

TheLightsOnTheTree · 20/12/2020 21:45

I would love to get back together with him!

It sounds silly to me to say it but I felt almost giddy when we were dancing. Just being close to him was incredible. I couldn't stop smiling.

I felt like I ought to wait for him to make a move though. Not because I wouldn't - I absolutely would ordinarily. But I kind of got the impression he liked the 'slow burn' or that he should be the one to do something. I'm pleased sex didn't happen. It just felt so intense and stupidly romantic.

Tbh, I rested my head on his shoulder to indicate to him I like him still but i can see, now its been pointed out, that he might be feeling a little vulnerable in that respect as I ended it.

It was a bit silly. I got a bit emotional this morning (he was still asleep and I was in the kitchen drinking tea) because I'm not used to not being in control of my feelings.

I was just a bit worried it might be a game to him. But it doesn't sound like it. Does it?

OP posts:
hadesinahalfahell · 20/12/2020 21:47

You've got yourself into a really strange situation!

TheLightsOnTheTree · 20/12/2020 21:48

You've got yourself into a really strange situation!

Helpful! 😁

In what way?

OP posts:
Slippersocks20 · 20/12/2020 21:55

Speaking as a bloke, he's sounding you out to see where you are and whether your interested, I bet he would have asked certain questions which depending on your responses would have showed if you were interested or not.

Make the first move if that's what you want. But I doubt he could see your subtleness in giving the nod (I usually miss the signals I need a neon sign ...) of course he's worried about asking you first. He got hurt once already, and I'd be willing to bet he seemed okag with the break up back then because he thought that's what you wanted.

Swaning · 20/12/2020 21:56

I think you both quite like each other and you should let him know how much youre enjoying spending time with him and how it felt like more than friends and it was nice.

The only consideration for me is his call from his family ruined his mood and tainted the evening.
You said something similar happened before and you broke it off with him because he seemed distracted from you and it felt like he wasnt interested.
I think he is interested but perhaps doesnt cope well with stresses in life and it can easily take his mood / attention.
Just something to he conciously aware of, that if something stressful happens, he may disappear off to his cave again to think things over. But its not a reflection of whether he likes you or not.

Scbchl · 20/12/2020 21:57

It's quite strange that you were together a few months have only been apart what sounds like a few months but stayed in contact and you cant just ask him whats happening between you and how hes feeling.

Alternista · 20/12/2020 21:58

But you dumped him!!
Ffs tell the poor guy you’d like to give it another try.

Shortfeet · 20/12/2020 22:07

You dumped him.
If you want to try again you need to ask him and be prepared to accept his answer either way .
Good luck!

CrazyToast · 20/12/2020 22:12

You need to make it more obvious to him. I had a romantic dalliance and he said to me that he was not wanting a relationship, more than once. Since then he has shown all the signs of being far more interested than he was a first. But would not and will not make a move because of his initial rejection of a relationship. It has to come from him. I'm sure you can find a way to encourage him to make that move, if you want it to seem like he made move. Or just make the move yourself, must easier.

Closetbeanmuncher · 20/12/2020 22:23

He's being a gent OP you're going to pounce 😂

Straighttalking1 · 20/12/2020 22:25

He's being a gentleman, expected you to climb into his bed in the middle of the night. He's being decent. Sweet. All the bestWink

TheLightsOnTheTree · 20/12/2020 22:30

He's being a gentleman, expected you to climb into his bed in the middle of the night

Seriously?? 🤦🏻‍♀️ Utterly clueless I am. I even considered it and rejected the idea! 🤣

He is being decent.

So it doesn't sound like he's just messing about then?

OP posts:
Aquamarine1029 · 20/12/2020 22:41

Are you expecting him to read your mind? You have a voice, so use it and tell him how you feel. Honestly, you seem to be a bit of hard work. He appears to be a lovely, respectful man, and the poor guy probably doesn't know what to do.

Fudgsicles · 20/12/2020 23:20

He's interested OP but is waiting from firm signals from you, which you aren't giving him. Don't let him make the first move. Do it yourself. This would be far to subtle for my DP. He never got my signals in the beginning and thought I was being friendly.

TheLightsOnTheTree · 20/12/2020 23:30

Ok.

So what should I do?

I was thinking that, the next time I see him, I could say that the last couple of times we've met, its felt different and that I still like him and find him attractive and ask him what he thinks is happening.

I suppose, I like the friendship and I'd genuinely rather have him as a friend than nothing. I don't want to jeopardise that. I expect him to have reservations but I think we'd need a proper conversation. I wouldn't want to just rush into trying again without properly addressing what went wrong the first time.

OP posts:
TheLightsOnTheTree · 20/12/2020 23:33

He didnt have to ask me to stay for a second night. I suspect that without the covid thing/phone call, there might have bee more time/opportunity for 'something' to happen.

OP posts:
Honeyroar · 20/12/2020 23:35

I think that you need to say exactly what you’ve said in your above post - including the part where you wouldn’t want to jepordize your friendship.

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