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Relationships

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Original poster

Can't stop comparing sex with Ex to OH

28 replies

Fifiox · 20/12/2020 16:08

Me and OH met 9 years ago we separated for 18 months been back together for around a year we have one DD who is now 7. I'm 27 so very young when I met OH started seeing a 43 year old approx 6 months into the separation the sex was amazing he would kiss me for hours go down on me give me so many orgasms. He didn't last very long but always made sure I was well taken care of.
My OH does "edging " and I'm sick of it he pumps away doesn't touch my clit no kissing but expects oral on him. I've tried to talk to him he changes once then goes back to how he was.
Honestly the sex is so robotic and my sex drive has died. I love him and we generally get on I really want us to work but the sex is dire.

OP posts:

Opentooffers · 20/12/2020 16:14

Simple, no oral for him unless he gives it to you first - new rule, it's only fair. It's a start, better to keep it simple for some men to state with. Good that you had a better experience in between, otherwise you may have never known what you were missing.

EvenMoreFuriousVexation · 20/12/2020 16:17

Have you talked about it? Have you asked him to give you oral and showed him how?

EvenMoreFuriousVexation · 20/12/2020 16:18

No need to say "because I had better during our split", just tell him you started masturbation during that time and realised its all about the clit for you.

User878856488 · 20/12/2020 16:21

What was the rest of the relationship with the 43 like?

This is a difficult one, it sounds like you've tried to change things with your husband but it's not working out. You need to weigh up if you can live with this. There's no easy answer. It sounds like you've had a rocky few years one thing and another.

Original poster

Fifiox · 20/12/2020 16:38

@User878856488

What was the rest of the relationship with the 43 like?

Ex who is 43 It was very passionate but ended due to being at very different stages of our lives. OH is my first love and the sex always was a bit porny, there was some kissing and he did go down on me but only at the start of the relationship.

OP posts:

Anothernick · 20/12/2020 16:41

Yes this is a difficult one. An LTR is much more likely to be happy and successful if both partners are satisfied in the bedroom department. I guess you had limited experience when you first met your DP and now you've realised what you're missing it might be difficult for you to accept less. And he doesn't seem to be listening to your needs which is a bad sign - a caring lover should want their partner to be happy, partly because that is what a partner is there for, but also because a satisfied partner will want more. And more sex is just what men their 20s usually want.

MrsFluffyMuff · 20/12/2020 16:43

Has your OH ever given you an orgasm? Did he have much sexual experience before you?

RantyAnty · 20/12/2020 16:47

Stop having sex with him until he gets it right.

You found out the huge difference in sex with an older guy who wasn't brought up on porn.

Giving in to his bad sex is just duty sex. Tell him what you need for sex to happen. He doesn't get anything until you get yours.

Original poster

Fifiox · 20/12/2020 17:11

Yes he has given me an orgasm but it was years ago sort of the first couple of years after I got pregnant and had DD he progressively became more selfish. We actually split because i had gained some weight and he didnt find me attractive anymore he told me this on holiday. He pursued me though after we split saying it was a mistake but I wasn't interested in getting back together until later on.
He's never been massively tactile or into kissing he was 24 when we met and I was 18 he had had numerous short term relationships his longest one was 9 months before we met.

I really don't want to split after what happened the first time DD needs stability but the sex is really poor.

OP posts:

MrsFluffyMuff · 20/12/2020 17:15

Sounds dismal, I'd be leaving. Kids can be really happy and content even if their parents aren't together, your happiness is important too

JudyGemstone · 20/12/2020 17:19

He sounds lazy and selfish, not given you an orgasm in years?! No excuses for that!

Why did you get back with him?

hadesinahalfahell · 20/12/2020 18:08

He sounds awful, I get the ick from men who have sex like that with me even once. What is edging?

hadesinahalfahell · 20/12/2020 18:10

Never mind I just googled it. So he's only edging himself really, you're getting nothing.

Original poster

Fifiox · 20/12/2020 18:10

Edging is where a man nearly brings himself to orgasm stops and starts again loads of times.
It's actually really boring...

OP posts:

Dozer · 20/12/2020 18:15

So, the problem is that your past and current partner is shit in bed and has no regard for your sexual pleasure. Loving someone isn’t necessarily a good reason to remain in a relationship.

Dozer · 20/12/2020 18:16

The mistake was getting back together with him: you’re only compounding that by staying.

User878856488 · 20/12/2020 18:16

You split up because you put weight on due to pregnancy? Wow, I'm sorry. He sounds superficial. And you've had a taste of what reciprocal sex feels like, it must be even harder to go back to this.

Thehop · 20/12/2020 18:25

Your OH sounds diabolically selfish in so many ways! Dumping for weight gain? Self satisfying sex, being told what you need and still refusing?

He doesn’t care about you.

Dump.

DorotheaHomeAlone · 20/12/2020 18:32

Completely impossible that someone this selfish in bed is not also selfish elsewhere in the relationship. I would be so turned off by his total disregard for your pleasure. It speaks volumes about how he really feels about you and who he is as a person. You are just a bit player in his life - his needs are paramount.

Please, leave and don’t feel a moment’s guilt. This is about more than bad sex (which would also be a legitimate reason to leave but could potentially be fixed).

Respectabitch · 20/12/2020 18:32

@Fifiox

Edging is where a man nearly brings himself to orgasm stops and starts again loads of times. It's actually really boring...

See I was going to say this wasn't edging because IME edging is for the woman! Edging is when someone brings you right to the edge of orgasm then stops several times, so that when you do come it's really intense.

If he is just pounding away at you in that stop-start way for his own satisfaction and not even making a gesture towards getting you off that's so incredibly selfish and self-absorbed. I couldn't live with that kind of shit sex, really and truly. And it is never the only area they're selfish in. If he knows how to make you come then he knows he's not doing it right now.

Lampzade · 20/12/2020 18:37

He’s selfish in bed. You are not compatible

Regularsizedrudy · 20/12/2020 18:40

Why did you get back with him?
For me the whole point of edging it that someone else does it to you, it’s like a power thing and can be very sexy. ..but what you describe him doing sounds so fucking boring. He’s basically masturbating with you near by.
If you don’t want to leave the only way to change this is to be truly honest with him and STOP engaging in sex acts that do nothing for you. He sounds selfish. Part of the fun should be pleasing the other person.

Bence69 · 20/12/2020 18:53

Jesus life is far too short for shit sex! Get rid of him x

pumpkinpie01 · 20/12/2020 19:14

Have you tried texting him with your needs and suggesting an early night , you could say ' it would turn me on so much if you would ... ' him reading it can work better than being told once the sex has already started.

JudyGemstone · 20/12/2020 19:21

That's all well and good with some blokes pumpkin but it doesn't sound as though this one would care

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