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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Finding photos of women on his phone

28 replies

mum2benicole · 19/12/2020 16:50

Long story short been with him 11years have 2 children as far as I'm aware we have no issues. His phone started acting up won't charge ext. He's left it for me to try charge, me thinking oh ill send all the photos to my phone all of the kids to save them as alot are from there young years. I found a number of pictures of a few other women and theres more than 1 of one of them. Blond skinny and beautiful all of which I don't see myself as. There is pron which I'm not bothered about it's the photos..... I click I for and they have been sent via what's app but I can't find the chat.... I sent photos of my self half nudes and things but not a single one is in his phone? What's that about do I not do it for him anymore.

OP posts:
Wildthingsx · 19/12/2020 23:29

This isn’t about you, it’s about him,

He is cheating on you.
You deserve better.

Namechangedforthisoct2 · 20/12/2020 09:33

I’d save the photos as proof and be making plans to separate.
Sorry you’ve found them, better you know what he’s really like.

MMmomDD · 20/12/2020 09:53

Plans for separate? Love MN and the way other people are so wiling to suggest a breakup without knowing anything about OP, her relationship, or the actual situation.

For starters - OP - no man who is having an affair would give his phone to his wife to handle for any period of time. Just doesn’t happen. Way to risky. So I wouldn’t worry about that.

As to the pictures - ask him as it clearly bothers you. Who knows who sent them to him. Maybe a friend was bragging. Maybe some group chat. Maybe he downloaded them somewhere.

But most importantly - shake yourself. If you have a good relationship and good sex life - there is no reason to doubt if he is attracted to you. You have been together for 11 years and you’d know/sense if the spark was gone. Just because some WhA pics were saved - doesn’t mean the above isn’t true.
Humans are sexual beings. And we are also visual. We can be in love with our partners and also find someone else sexy. These pictures are more like porn - and I would guess he doesn’t even remember saving them. WhA does it automatically and he probably forgot he had them.

Iloveme30 · 20/12/2020 10:19

@Wildthingsx

This isn’t about you, it’s about him,

He is cheating on you.
You deserve better.

That's absurd 🙄 he's not cheating by having photos. 1.he gave you his phone 2.he probably totally forgot about them 3.what's app save automatically 4.your worrying for nothing, he would never ever give you his phone otherwise Enjoy your Xmas with your hubby and crack a joke about the pics tell him you must get some hunks of your own ... ask him for a male calendar 😂🥴❤️
Pyewhacket · 20/12/2020 10:30

...... absurd 🙄 he's not cheating by having photos.
1.he gave you his phone
2.he probably totally forgot about them
3.what's app save automatically
4.your worrying for nothing, he would never ever give you his phone otherwise
Enjoy your Xmas with your hubby and crack a joke about the pics tell him you must get some hunks of your own ... ask him for a male calendar 😂🥴❤️

Totally agree. Calm down.

AuthorsOfForever · 20/12/2020 10:32

I wouldn't jump to conclusions like that. My dp is part of a group for his ... 'hobby' ... and the lads in there are always sending photos of 'hot birds' and, depending on settings, they automatically save to your camera roll. I asked him about them, and he showed me the chat. If he was having an affair, I just can't imagine him giving you his phone so freely. Just ask him about them, I bet it's from a chat and his mates have sent them.

Or maybe he's really that stupid 🤷🏼‍♀️

DianaT1969 · 20/12/2020 10:50

Nonsense! When someone sends your DH an image or video in WhatsApp it is automatically saved down, unless you switch that off in settings.
If a new man looked at my phone photos he'd think I was bonkers at best, with eclectic taste in men. I have Borat in a mankini, several of Boris Johnson with particularly bad hair, Chris Whitty and Philip Schofield doing yoga to name but a few....
Don't ruin your relationship over this OP. He probably deleted your "sexy" photos in case the kids saw them.

Opentooffers · 20/12/2020 10:58

Bloody hell, WhatsApp pics doesn't equate to cheating. Some men send each other some quite grim porn clips via WhatsApp, sad but true. There may well not be any chat around the pics. OP if porn doesn't bother you, I don't see that this should either, it won't be any worse than that.
I think you are perhaps reflecting how you are feeling about yourself here, in that women who you perceived as prettier than yourself are beginning to make you feel insecure. Whether it's a pic of a pretty girl or porn, it will just be the same wank fodder. May need to address why you are feeling less secure lately.

YouShouldLeave · 20/12/2020 11:17

Relationships with men sounds really sad......

Closetbeanmuncher · 20/12/2020 12:51

Check the internet history as this is screaming dating sites to me.

FifteenToes · 20/12/2020 12:55

For starters - OP - no man who is having an affair would give his phone to his wife to handle for any period of time. Just doesn’t happen. Way to risky. So I wouldn’t worry about that.

Ahh... Unless it's a double bluff and he deliberately gave her his phone to make her think that!

waitinggame108 · 20/12/2020 13:01

Is he in any mate what's app groups? They save pictures automatically. A friend probably sent them in the group and they've said to his phone.
Ask him, he can show you the chats and the photos will be in the group

hocuspocus1922 · 20/12/2020 15:37

Wow I love the people commenting on here oh it's ok my hubby is part of a what's app group where they send nudes or other women ! Get some self respect 🤢 nothing but a bunch of grown married men sending porn on what's app ! Slime balls !

youvegottenminuteslynn · 20/12/2020 15:52

Ugh grown men who share pictures of naked women on WhatsApp give me the ick. It's not a jealousy thing, it's just pathetic and sleazy. My bar is higher than that and it's ok if yours is too OP.

Bumsnet2021 · 20/12/2020 15:53

Separate! Dear God this site is nuts sometimes.

One of my friends is online dating.

She send me pictures of potential dates for my opinion

Whatsapp automatically saves those pictures to my camera roll.

Anhone who thinks just the info given in the OP means he is having an affair has some very serious trust and insecurity issues.

There are also photos of men on my phone wearing a style of suit I liked and which I saved to show the guy in the suit shop when I got dh an outfit for a friends wedding

Just ask him (if it bothers you) it wouldn't bother me in the slightest)

LivingInCheckedMidis · 20/12/2020 16:24

I found naked photos of other women on my ex's phone. He was on FabSwingers and was being sent all sorts of disgusting stuff.

Keep quiet for now and check his emails/internet history.

LivingInCheckedMidis · 20/12/2020 16:29

@Bumsnet2021 I'm just speculating here but I don't think the OP would be meaning pictures of models modelling clothes. I bet she means more standard girls who don't look like models and photos taken on an iPhone, rather than a professional camera.

bumhead · 20/12/2020 16:37

Maybe it's just me... but these days on MN whenever there is a thread where they 'D'H is some sleaze saving naked photos of OW or downloading endless porn or just plain cheating, there is a plethora of what appear to be men or posters assuring us they are women but sounding very much like men and telling the OP and readers how very silly they are being and how ALL men are like that and basically stfu and put up with it like a good girl Hmm

Bumsnet2021 · 20/12/2020 17:29

@bumhead

Maybe it's just me... but these days on MN whenever there is a thread where they 'D'H is some sleaze saving naked photos of OW or downloading endless porn or just plain cheating, there is a plethora of what appear to be men or posters assuring us they are women but sounding very much like men and telling the OP and readers how very silly they are being and how ALL men are like that and basically stfu and put up with it like a good girl Hmm
Read the op again.

Where are earth are you getting "plain cheating" and "naked photos of ow" from?

I would say its more a case of an OP being misread and people ju.ping to conclusions and shouting LTB!

Madness. These are real peoples lives. I hope the women who post don't take the advice to leave seriously.

hadesinahalfahell · 20/12/2020 18:07

I actually do have random pictures of men on my camera roll, sent to me by female friends who are online dating to show me what their potential dates look like. I'm not so sure that many male friends do this though.

waitinggame108 · 20/12/2020 19:07

@hocuspocus1922 @youvegottenminuteslynn

I never said it was acceptable or that the OP should put up with either behaviour! I would hit the roof if I found half naked photos sent from a WhatsApp group like that. I was stating that they may not have came from him directly cheating.
Neither are appropriate.

youvegottenminuteslynn · 20/12/2020 19:32

[quote waitinggame108]**@hocuspocus1922* @youvegottenminuteslynn*

I never said it was acceptable or that the OP should put up with either behaviour! I would hit the roof if I found half naked photos sent from a WhatsApp group like that. I was stating that they may not have came from him directly cheating.
Neither are appropriate.

[/quote]
My post was more in response to @Opentooffers saying OP's insecurities are to blame if a woman doesn't like her partner sharing 'wank fodder' between friends. It's not jealousy in my case, I just think it's pathetic to be sharing pictures of tits and arses with mates as adults as if it's really cool to go all 'lads lads lads' / 'boys will be boys'.

Gives me the ick.

Helpneededbyanoutsider · 20/12/2020 19:41

Best thing to do is ask him honey. I mean he did give you his phone....

How’s your sex life? Surely you do ‘do it for him still’ if you have a healthy sex life?!
Best of luck xx

Closetbeanmuncher · 20/12/2020 22:18

'lads lads lads' / 'boys will be boys'

I second your ick at unrefined middle aged men @youvegottenminuteslynn

Opentooffers · 21/12/2020 10:08

@youvegottenminuteslynn. It's not nice to paraphrase people while twisting it, just so you can let some personal anger out.
I agree some men are pathetic, not condoning sharing WhatsApp porn.
I'm going by what OP has said herself, because I read the thread properly to avoid jumping to conclusions when life decisions are taken.

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