Would you date/marry a man without higher education?

[bunny85]

Just that really. If everything else was great, would it be a deal breaker for you? Let's say a man who only finished high school- no college, no uni. Would you?

Yes I would and I did, higher education isn’ta marker for intelligence, some people I’ve met with degrees etc lack any common sense/real world view and have been completely hopeless.
If op as you say everything else is great but they only have high school level qualifications and it’s even an issue I’d look into why the notion of a higher education is so important, what does it mean for you when looking for a partner? Is there some unconscious bias around those without higher education etc?

Yes I did, he's on better money then a lot of people I know who've got various degrees.

He worked his way up in a job that he loves.

I’m educated to Master’s level. DH left school after 0 levels. He’s far more intelligent than me, in fact he’s one of the most intelligent people I’ve ever met.

What a peculiar view on life. DH left school at 15 and now runs his own successful business.

@GreenlandTheMovie I suspect the men chasing you are from dating sites as opposed to those you are meeting, for example, at mutual hobbies? Not everyone didn't go to university due to lack of opportunity either. Some simply choose an different path for their end goal, and can be more successful as a result. A good friend of mine worked his was up from not even finishing high school to being very high up/successful in the oil and gas industry beginning in manual trades. He has a lot of free time now so does a lot of self learning and reading as well as being an absolute expert in his niche job. He'd never be so crass as to boast about money at a dinner party. You are making huge generalisations.

I'm certain I wouldn't want to date anyone who could only prattle on about what they did at 'uni' coupled with a massive debt and a middling qualification from a 3rd rate degree factory.

I think that a similar level of intelligence is important.

Capable to get a uni degree but for whatever reason didn't do it, fine.

Uncapable of finishing high school level of intelligence and you have post grad or masters or higher then you are selling yourself short.

This has been my experience. Sex was great, very attentive guy, seemed nice. His highest education was secondary school. He was self employed in a manual job. Beyond the sex, we didn't have anything in common. He didn't understand the meaning of some words that weren't particularly hard.

He couldn't reason or argue a point properly. It reminded me of how I used to think at high school. He was in his 40s. I don't mean immaturity i mean he had a very simplistic way of thinking and a limited vocabulary. Our conversations were truly dull.

It quickly became boring and I was turned off. He made a good FWB but not a good long term partner.

Intelligence isn't exclusive to HE grads but broadly speaking in life your study level represents it and the type of interests and priorities you have in life which are important to align. Higher education absolutely develops your ability to think, reason and express yourself. Nowadays life is too rushed to develop conversation and debate skills, many people didn't grow up discussing issues around the dining table and social media feeds off snappy one liners and txtspk. if you don't actively make it a priority to learn how to converse and to debate, it is so it hard to get good at these without higher education.

If you love reading and learning, maybe going to museums or theatres, maybe discussing politics, ethica, religions, laws or scientific or medical papers and they don't it will be very hard going once the sex wears off.
For example the guy I mentioned would finish work exhausted and all he wanted to do was eat, fuck and watch tele or play video games or do some pranks. He didn't think for himself just repeated what his friend said when it comes to life or politics. At first it sounded like he is intelligent and mysterious with his one liners the I found out that it was because he didn't have or know more so was keen to move on swiftly. The interesting thing that he always went for very ambitious highly educated women even when he had no interest in education for himself or children.

@CountFosco

Honestly? No. It would indicate too wide a disparity between our backgrounds and the value we place on education and would suggest we'd have very little in common (in fact, since I left school I've met very few people who don't have degrees, we just don't mix in the same circles). That's not to say someone who doesn't have a degree can't be intelligent and a valuable member of society. And there are many people with degrees I'd not date either.

(in fact, since I left school I've met very few people who don't have degrees, we just don't mix in the same circles)

How very narrow and restricted your life must be; and yet you consider yourself superior. Curious.

Higher education proves nothing about intelligence and ability to "move up the ladder".

I did go, but if I was considering it now, I wouldn't. The company I work for is large and a leader in the markets it serves. The Exec Director of our section of the business has nothing but a few O levels, yet a very intelligent person. Take that up a management level and our CEO has barely a qualification from school to scratch his backside with, again a very switched on person.

A lack of a higher education doesn't mean you won't be as successful as someone who has.

Yes I would. Going to university doesn't make you superior, a nice person, a go getter etc.

midnightstar no, the annoying chasers haven't been from Internet dating sites at all, but from shared hobbies. Why would you think that? I'd just block anyone on Internet dating who did that (and Ive stopped Internet dating as I couldn't find anyone decent).

My feelings are almost exactly the same as ohmymo. I just get utterly bored by someone who isn't educated to at least the same level as myself. There's such a spark with someone who is clever and educated. I'd probably struggle with someone with a third from a degree factory too.

I dated a German legal academic during the summer when I was able to travel, now on hold due to distance and covid, and I hadn't actually expected to like him that much. But he was just on the same level as me and we had so much in common. Listening to clichés and to men tryiing to bring me down to their level just doesn't have the same appeal (and a lot of them do do that).

ohmymo really does put it well!

Yes. Dh has GCSES but that's it. After high school he went straight to work in IT. I have GCSEs, 3 A levels, degree and currently doing a post graduate diploma. He earns more than me (still works on IT) has a much better mathematical brain than me. Can constructe and build things, repair cars, renovate houses, the list is endless. I don't believe Formal education is always a measurement of a person's illtelligence. I do however wish dh had maybe gone to uni as I do feel he had a lot of wasted potential and because of the skills he has.

There was a similar thread to this a few months back and I was surprised then that people cared so much about whether or not someone had a degree. I assume it must be more important to a younger generation/millennials as going to Uni seems to be an expectation for everyone now.

I'm 50 and in my social circle no one really knows or cares who did or didn't attend university. Where I'm from most people left school at 16 or 18 and many of my friends walked straight into jobs in the City of London and worked their way up to successful careers. Very few from my school went on to University back then but most are doing very well financially now.

DH may not have got a degree but he is very intelligent , is a published author and has had a successful career in finance.

Yes I married one and he is wonderful. I think the key is to be on the same level intellectually- my DH didn't go to university but is really bright and we have aligned interests. He has also had a great career trajectory despite not going to uni and has recently started a degree with the open university to tick that life goal off.

Yes, didn't even occur to me not to? We were in similar jobs, and still are (his just doesn't require the training I got at uni in the same way mine does)

@Bitcherama

You sound a bit immature from later posts. People without degrees can be very senior in some professions. What about professional qualifications? As to the weird generalisation about men without degrees...maybe you're just making too many assumptions that stop you clicking.

I think this was aimed at me.

Of course you can't work in the in the professions withiut a degree...

Being choosy and wanting to share values with the people you date is not "immature".

Yes I married one. He's very intelligent. He got all A stars on his GCSEs but due to events in his life didn't go on to university, but worked instead. Then later did a physics and nuclear maths course in college but dropped out as he needed to work and earn money. He works full time now earning probably below average wage but I married him because I love him. He provides for us and our children and I'm happy with him.

I think it depends. If they left at 16 and had been in a dead end job since then, then probably not.

My husband left at 16 with only GCSE's and went into the army. Got loads of qualifications and hands on experience while there and when he left, he got a great job, earns twice as much as I do and Im the one with a degree...

I married one. He's very intelligent, and has been an excellent father, raising two daughters who are both part way through their degrees. I am very proud of them. I would be just as proud if they had preferred to work after school. I did the whole degree / masters and more route. I remember there were some right lazy dopes at uni who scraped through and did sod all, mainly to avoid working life!! Just as there were some fantastic hardworking people who wanted to take the academic route. I know loads of really intelligent sucessful adults without degrees so don't really understand this POV.

@GreenlandTheMovie my DH left school at 16 with 10 grade A o'levels. He is now a director at a top 5 accountancy firm. He was interviewed and got that job 2 years ago based on his previous experience ( 30 year career in banking and finance ) and professional qualifications and is on a pathway to becoming a partner so it most definitely is possible without a degree.

Yes. My ex husband left education half way through A levels (so got none) and I have a masters degree. He is a very intelligent man but was kicked out of home at 16 so had no choice but to work. He now earns double what I do.
We separated but that wasn't due to his education, it was down to him having an affair.

My bf also worked straight from school and he earns double what I do and is a very intelligent man. I might know more on paper than him but he knows much more about the world than I do.

I did. My DH left school at 15... I have a Masters in a niche academic subject. Education is not a measure for intelligence or compatibility in a relationship.

AnglesWithSilverWings in the traditional professions, you cannot practice without a degree - law, medicine, dentistry, etc.. Accountancy and engineering are somewhat different and also to some extent law because you can qualify through the profession. But I think I'd just struggle with someone who hadn't gone to university. To be fair, I'm in Scotland, where a lot of people seem to stay at home til they get married or move in with someone.

Everything and everyone calls themselves a professional now, but that is the traditional definition. And subject to a professional governing body which sets standards and can strike off for misconduct.

As a professional, I'm not really that impressed with a lot of men who have reached well paid positions without qualifications because of their assumed brilliance, in a way that mostly men and not women have managed to do.

I actually know a number of bankers and company directors who are as thick as mince and who wouldn't cut it if they were starting out today. A couple in particular who seem to have reached their positions through being obnoxious and shouting so much that no-one challenges them. For so many men, its who you know, not what you know.

At least the professions allow entry to women if they meet the entrance requirements and I do find men in them less sexist in general (although of course there are huge exceptions).

Yes, I don't judge someone's worth by their qualifications.

Yes and I have. Dp didn't even finish highschool. But, I agree with his reasons, and he is more intelligent and earns more than me. I don't judge him on the fact that he has no formal qualifications.