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Original poster

How to put my foot down (Covid/Christmas)

53 replies

MizMoonshine · 16/12/2020 16:00

I'm not here for Covid police, just assistance with how to get my point across.

My partner, children and I live with my mother. We (as a family) care for my grandmother.
For Christmas this year, after the 3 house bubble came about we plan on having the 25th with my family (us, the kids, mum, my two siblings and their partners and nan).

Makes sense as we live here and that's what mum is going to do regardless of whether we are here or not.

We live in Wales, DPs family live in Hertfordshire. Our baby was born in August and his family have seen her once. He's missed birthdays and just seeing his family in general.

DP desperately wants to see his family this Christmas. And they want to see him too. He wants for all of us to visit after Christmas Day, as do his family.

I don't want to do this. It's not in compliance with restrictions and it is fucking dumb considering we are from different high risk areas.

How do I gently put my foot down? I understand how he feels, I don't want to be hurtful. Again, I'm not here for the Covid police. I'm looking for a way to gently list him down. I don't need convincing that it's a bad idea, I'm already of that mind set.

OP posts:

slipperywhensparticus · 16/12/2020 18:10

Wales say no more than 2 families mixing anyway

Misandrylovescompany · 16/12/2020 18:10

And if they are so keen to see the baby, why didn’t he take you all down there to see them while restrictions were lighter?!

Windmillwhirl · 16/12/2020 18:11

I feel very sorry for him. His family have seen his child once??? And you are wanting to put your foot down. Wow.

peboh · 16/12/2020 18:14

@Misandrylovescompany

And if they are so keen to see the baby, why didn’t he take you all down there to see them while restrictions were lighter?!

Presumably because op has told him no, as her family come first.

ScrapThatThen · 16/12/2020 18:16

I understand your thinking but it's shit for your dh. And why are you so unwilling to put yourself out for an outdoor meeting? Yabvu.

Original poster

MizMoonshine · 16/12/2020 18:30

Ok so the fundamental thing is that members of the same household / bubble can’t see different groups of people - you have to collectively see others up to the limits of the law / guidelines. Your bubble includes your grandmother presumably (single household support bubble?). You are in Wales so you can only see one other household/bubble. Does your partner understand that?
He wants to ignore the rules. That's what I want to put my foot down on.

And if they are so keen to see the baby, why didn’t he take you all down there to see them while restrictions were lighter?!
We have been really cautious. Also not wanting to drive the baby that far. Both of our decisions.

I understand your thinking but it's shit for your dh. And why are you so unwilling to put yourself out for an outdoor meeting? Yabvu
I'm not unwilling. It wouldn't be an outdoor meeting. It would be visiting two houses, mixing multiple households and staying in a hotel.

Plus now the new Welsh restrictions mean splitting my family up too.

It wasn't unilaterally decided that we would be with my family. It was decided by both of us together. This year we would be with my family, next with his. Reasons for this being that my son has had a very unsettled year and all of his family are here. So he can see both us and then his father for Christmas as he always has done.

DP understandably wants to be with DD for her first Christmas. So we are staying in Wales for the day.

It's after the day he wants to travel to Hertfordshire, from one high risk area (Cardiff) to another. Mixing a buttload of households.

OP posts:

WitchesBritchesPumpkinPants · 16/12/2020 18:45

Jesus wept. You are MAD having your siblings & their families over on Christmas Day. That's a ridiculous number of people to have inside a house in this pandemic. How well do you think your Grandmother would survive getting COVID?

Are you aware the LAW in Wales is now 2 households?

Personally 3 adults & 1x 8 year old seems like more than enough risk to your grandmother without anything else.

If you scale back to your household (& Grandmother) then you are safer and it will make it easier to explain to your husband that it's not safe/allowed to go and see his family either.

berrylands · 16/12/2020 18:55

Your husband wants to ignore the covid rules and people here are saying you are being unfair? Really?
I am angry someone is actually considering ignoring the rules. Tell your husband to grow up.

Spudlet · 16/12/2020 18:59

Can you meet halfway for a walk? Wrap up warm, put baby into a sling under your coat with a little hat on her and booties if her feet stick out and she’ll be fine - Christmas baby mummy here, DS was out under my coat from a very young age. Take a winter picnic, something like chilli in a food flask works well loaded into pitta bread and is easy to do in a slow cooker the night before.

Original poster

MizMoonshine · 16/12/2020 19:02

I think I'll suggest that, Spudlet. I can imagine his dad would be up for it. His mother much less so.

OP posts:

Spudlet · 16/12/2020 19:06

I sympathise totally with all of you, we aren’t seeing my family at all this Christmas and it sucks, frankly. Hard on all of you, especially with all the emotions that come with a still pretty new baby. I hope you find something that works.

Original poster

MizMoonshine · 16/12/2020 19:08

Thank you @Spudlet I hope you have a lovely Christmas despite being away from your family and you get to make up for it soon

OP posts:

Frouby · 16/12/2020 19:10

There is no right and wrong answer except that Christmas while dcs are young is a magical time and your ds wants to be with his extended family.

Personally I'd knock your siblings coming over on the head. To protect your grandmother. And just do a low key Christmas with the household. That stops any of the which household questions.

And then plan to spend the Easter weekend with dhs family, or maybe mothering sunday weekend.

Wantsadvice1978909 · 16/12/2020 19:11

I definitely feel sorry for your husband. Why are his feelings invalid when it comes to seeing his family? If I was him I’d be taking DC and going regardless. How would you feel if roles reversed and you was living with his family and he told you you’re not allowed to go and see yours for Christmas because of covid. He’d be labelled abusive.

Wantsadvice1978909 · 16/12/2020 19:14

Also with covid I understand the worry, but you say you have siblings that work in the NHS therefore they are far more likely to contract covid and spread it (they’re doing amazing during this pandemic though!).

Hardbackwriter · 16/12/2020 19:15

@Misandrylovescompany

That isn't true - there is explicit guidelines on 'Households where not everyone is in the same Christmas bubble': www.gov.uk/government/publications/making-a-christmas-bubble-with-friends-and-family/making-a-christmas-bubble-with-friends-and-family#households-where-everybody-is-not-in-the-same-christmas-bubble

I'm not saying it's a good idea or practical in this case but legally OP, her DH and her kids could form a bubble with his family and her mum could form a different one.

AlternativePerspective · 16/12/2020 19:15

You’re in wales and the limit is two households anyway, and with your parents and Nan who presumably doesn’t live with you and your two siblings that’s already four households.

Don’t be a hipocrit and say you’re worried about the number of households when you’re already not sticking to the rules.

AlternativePerspective · 16/12/2020 19:21

Your husband wants to ignore the covid rules and people here are saying you are being unfair? Really? and the OP is also breaking the rules because she wants both of her siblings plus families as well as her parents and vulnerable grandmother. In Wales the law is two households now not three, and Wales are going back into lockdown on the 28th of December.

Personally I think that anyone getting together at Christmas on that basis is being selfish, regardless of what they’ve been told they an do.

As they said in the briefing today, if you could drive at 70 mph on a road where there was black ice, you wouldn’t do so, this is no different.

Original poster

MizMoonshine · 16/12/2020 19:22

@Wantsadvice1978909 he'd have a bloody hard time without taking my tits too.

@AlternativePerspective I have since said that we would be splitting up since the updated restrictions. Please read.

OP posts:

JorisBonson · 16/12/2020 19:25

Who did you spend last Christmas with?

Being 300 miles away from my family and not having seen them for a year, I do have sympathy for your DH.

Hardbackwriter · 16/12/2020 19:33

This year we would be with my family, next with his. Reasons for this being that my son has had a very unsettled year and all of his family are here. So he can see both us and then his father for Christmas as he always has done

I would put £50 on it that you will always spend Christmas with your family, but that you'll be sure that 'next year' DS will be ready to go away for Christmas...

Original poster

MizMoonshine · 16/12/2020 20:41

Last year we were separated from eachother because his parents first year since splitting and it was my families first year after my dad died.

OP posts:

Misandrylovescompany · 16/12/2020 21:10

Ok well his problem is that he didn’t insist on doing something with his family when restrictions were lighter. Would you have been up for that?

InescapableDeath · 16/12/2020 21:14

I think you need to say you will go and stay with his family for a week as soon as rules allow. Would you consider that? So jan/feb, etc, whenever possible. I’ve seen my family once this year while my husband gets to see his close by lot all the time, so I’m afraid I do really feel for your DH.

MiddleClassProblem · 16/12/2020 21:17

I can understand why he’s frustrated. I think it’s good to empathise with him and maybe try to say you will all go and spend some really quality time with them as soon as you are allowed.

If I’m honest I think the roads will be hellish so I would add to the normal eta.

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