Can't cope, how do I sort this

[Lostanddepressed]

So yesterday I had a disagreement with my bf. We've been together since Jan. It all started via text.
Then I get this message from him 'F*k off I hate you, you're a damaged piece of st. Fk off, take your issues to some other c*t'.

I have tried to explain to him so many times that I have no confidence, he regularly says negative things about my appearance. These by far outweigh the compliments, which are very few.

I was previously in a relationship involving dv. He knows this and knows this was what partly destroyed my confidence. I guess thats why he says I'm damaged.

After an hour he said sorry but then almost immediately got angry again.

Seriously how do I sort myself out? I see that I need to work on myself, I've never denied that to myself or him. But obviously I need to work on myself and I have no idea how or where to start. I just feel like I'm worthless and no good to anyone and I've no idea what to do 😞

Btw well done for contacting your GP. And well done for cutting those last links via Playstation.
Both are hard things o do and you have done them!!

Did the GP also direct you towards any support groups/MH charities? I'm getting the feeling you could do with someone to talk to.

I must be doing something wrong, what are the chances that I go from a relationship with dv and then this. I am the common thing.

You're right but this is because women who have been in abusive relationships are damaged by them and tend to go on to another abusive relationship. How was your family of origin? People brought up in homes where there's abuse tend to get involved in more abuse as adults. That's one reason it's so important not to stay in an abusive relationship when you have children.

You can do the Freedom Programme for free online.

Oh, and I have high functioning ASD and it's never made me be unkind to people. It's no excuse.

I must be doing something wrong, what are the chances that I go from a relationship with dv and then this. I am the common thing.

That's not because you deserve it or drive anyone to it my love, it's because your boundaries and expectations have been skewed so you now don't recognise and react appropriately to red flags and abusive behaviour.

Google shark cage analogy, look at the freedom programme and definitely push for some counselling to explore the underlying reasons you are vulnerable to abusers getting you hooked.

That does not mean it's your fault, it just means that abusers are incredibly adept at manipulating people who have been abused previously.

For example emotional abusers will sometimes prey on people who have been physically abused before, because they know that they are likely to think their emotional abuse isn't that bad as at least they don't hit them.

Abusers of all types often date lots and lots of people as it's a numbers game to an extent - if they date 20, they are likely to find a couple who don't react appropriately to their red flags. They are the ones they will then zero in on.

By building your defences and re-learning what is appropriate, healthy behaviour from a prospective partner you can experience happy healthy relationships. It's worth being single a decent chunk of time and putting the work in to do that

I must be doing something wrong, what are the chances that I go from a relationship with dv and then this. I am the common thing

No !!!! You just have got used to abusers
They can spot their victims