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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Stepmum assaulted my daughter

68 replies

PurpleOne · 22/10/2007 20:56

in my own home last night.

Want some unbiased opinions. Some friends have told me to go to the police and press charges, some haven't as they said it'll make things worse.
I've also been told to contact a solicitor, as it isn't the first time she's done this.

I'm really torn as to what to do for the best, but I need advice pronto.

OP posts:
CarGirl · 22/10/2007 20:56

what actually happened last night, what has happened previously

fruitymum · 22/10/2007 20:57

how old is your daughter ?
What did SM do?

sKerryMum · 22/10/2007 20:57

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Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Saturn74 · 22/10/2007 21:00

We need more info PurpleOne.

Original poster
PurpleOne · 22/10/2007 21:11

DD is 12 and other DD was 10 yesterday.

She assaulted the 12 yr old. Strode into my house cos DD was being a bit 'lippy' on Friday. Came into the kitchen, grabbed her and started shaking her. I yelled at her to let her go, where she did, but DD fell to the floor, hurt her back and hit her head on the kitchen cupboard. ExH just stood there and watched, he did nothing. I yelled at them both to leave. Stepmum then called out to DD sprawled on the floor and screaming, called her a 'disgraceful little bitch'.

Previously DD was caught stealing about 2 years ago. Yes, she got punished (I took her to police station for a tour of the cells to scare her) Step mum found out and when ExH was at work, she slapped DD across the face twice.

I'm sorry if I'm vague...my head is in peices.

OP posts:
Saturn74 · 22/10/2007 21:14

How horrible.
How are your DD's today?
Did you need to seek medical treatment for DD1?

Hulababy · 22/10/2007 21:15

I think you need to have this recorded somewhere, esp as ExH appears to be condoning the stepmum's behaviour. It is really out of order, regardless of your 12 year old child's behaviour beforehand.

smallwhitecat · 22/10/2007 21:15

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peskipixie · 22/10/2007 21:16

you need to have this on record in case dd decides she doesnt want to go to her dads house and you end up in court. without proof of these things they wont take you seriously. i think you should call the police but whether or not you press charges is up to dd i think

NurseyJo · 22/10/2007 21:18

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NAB3 · 22/10/2007 21:19

Are you interested in the toy from ELC?

screamsprout · 22/10/2007 21:19

OMG, I can't believe she did that and I certainly can't believe she walked into your house and did it.

Please involve the police - how on earth does she have the right to do this and what message will your dds receive if none of the adults do anything?

fireflyfairy2 · 22/10/2007 21:20

Call the bloody police!!

And stop all contact between you dd & them!

Even if your dh didn't asault her himself, he was a silent bystander when this was happening. I can't understand how he (or you) could stand by & let her march in your house & do this.

Poor dd.

Call the police & get this recorded!

I can't believe some of your friends told you to leave it!!

screamsprout · 22/10/2007 21:21

Sorry, this is not going to help but if she is happy to walk into your house and do that in front of you, then how does she behave behind closed doors?

Surely if you have good reason to believe they are not safe, then you don't have to let them go round there? What does dd make of all this?

TrickORTripletEm · 22/10/2007 21:22

PurpleOne, you have to make her understand that this is not acceptable. I would demand a full apology before she even stepped inside my house again.(if I could bare to see her) If DH stays quiet,let him,you tell her whats what and that they are your kids not hers. I don't know if the police would do anything in that kind of situation,however wrong that might be,but if you feel the need to report her then do it. You were there and know exactly what happened. It's awful to read so I can imagine how awful it must have been to witness. Kids are always lippy,that's life,no excuse what-so-ever to react like that with someone elses child.

Original poster
PurpleOne · 22/10/2007 21:23

DD's are fine, although the dynamics of DD's and stepmum relationship have changed somewhat.
DD1 is insisting that she doesn't want to see her father anymore. Told her to give it some time and see if her feelings change, but she is old enough to make her own choices and I will not force her to see him. I took DD1 to the doc's this morning to have her checked over...she's okay physically.

DD2 is annoyed that 'daddy ruined her birthday'.

Regarding the police/solicitors. I know I'm having a knee jerk reaction, but don't want to do anything that I'm going to regret later on...but I need to do something quick.
SM lost her temper, lost control and I don't trust her around my children.

OP posts:
NAB3 · 22/10/2007 21:24

What would you do if a stranger had done that to your child??? Think about it.

smallwhitecat · 22/10/2007 21:24

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screamsprout · 22/10/2007 21:26

What are you scared of? What is worse than people who are supposed to be looking after your children, assaulting them?

Do you really think that this was a one off, never to be repeated?

fireflyfairy2 · 22/10/2007 21:26

It was assault!

She hurt your child.

Your child needs you to protect her.

For god's sake woman, what's your gut reaction?

Hulababy · 22/10/2007 21:28

I really do think you need to have this reported?

When you saw the Gp did you explain what had happened then? If so are you sure the GP isn't rcording and reporting the incident also.

NAB3 · 22/10/2007 21:29

By doing nothing you are telling your dd she isn't worth anything and that it is okay for adults to hurt her.

sKerryMum · 22/10/2007 21:31

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Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Skyler · 22/10/2007 21:32

Right I would not let my dd go to their house again. That sort of behaviour is completely unjustified and actually could be deemed assault and illegal. You have to make sure your dd knows that it was wrong and that you won't let it happen again, but try not to let her get bolshy about it. You poor thing. My stepmum disciplined my dd's a few weeks ago in a way I didn't like and in front of me and dh. It was not physical and dd is totally over it but it made me very uncomfortable because of how she used to treat me as a child......These things stick with you I am afraid. Actually my stepmum was not being outrageous but it has affected me because of my history.
Your dh is completely out of order. Physical contact like that is not acceptable. Poor you.

sKerryMum · 22/10/2007 21:33

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Message withdrawn at poster's request.