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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Stepmum assaulted my daughter

68 replies

PurpleOne · 22/10/2007 20:56

in my own home last night.

Want some unbiased opinions. Some friends have told me to go to the police and press charges, some haven't as they said it'll make things worse.
I've also been told to contact a solicitor, as it isn't the first time she's done this.

I'm really torn as to what to do for the best, but I need advice pronto.

OP posts:
PellMell · 22/10/2007 21:38

You may well have already started the ball rolling.
There is a chance that your g.p might contact authorities.
Another thing comes to mind.... to do nothing is leaving yourself open to allegations.
I'm very sorry for your dd's
Please be strong.
Are you afraid of these people too? is that why your friends are telling you to leave it?
Would you feel at risk if you report?
good luck...I hope you get it all sorted.

Elizabetth · 22/10/2007 21:41

Call the police. It's assault. Stop second-guessing yourself. In no part of the universe is what this woman did acceptable.

StaryNightSky · 22/10/2007 21:42

Sorry if it has been said in the other posts but if you don't want to go to the police, what about your solicitor?

Clearly SM can not treat your DD that way or anyone else for that matter.

This has to be put a stop to. Your not going to feel safe letting your DD near SM and nor is your DD by the sound of it. Particularly as her Dad did not step in to stop this.

I think you need to go to your solicitor put these people on notice that this behaivour is unacceptable.

Hope you and your DD's are all ok and that something gets sorted

CarGirl · 22/10/2007 21:45

Okay she lost her temper/control - but from what you said she walked into your house already in that frame of mind, it wasn't even a situation that flared up and she temporarily lost her cool

mamazon · 22/10/2007 21:47

not sure if going to the police would help ad i doubt they will do anything but talk to the woman,
i certainly wouldn't allow her to have anything to do with my daughter though

Carmenere · 22/10/2007 21:51

If I treated my dskids like this my dp would have nothing further to do with me. What on earth is he thinking by allowing this? Does she hit him do you think? Does he think it is acceptable? Is violence part of his life, was he violent to you?

I agree that it is most weird that it seemed to be premeditated.

chipmonkeyPumpkinNorks · 22/10/2007 22:49

Sorry but this is a no-brainer. No-one should be allowed to assault a child. Call the police.

Hekate · 22/10/2007 22:55

Call. The. Police.

There is no other choice for a mother to make.

Freckle · 22/10/2007 22:57

If you don't go to the police, what message are you sending your daughter? That someone can assault her and both her mum and dad stand by and do nothing.

If you go to the police, your child will know that her mum loves her enough to go in and fight to protect her. I really don't understand why you are even hesitating, especially as you say her stepmum has assaulted her previously. Get a backbone and stand up for your child.

demonaid · 22/10/2007 23:08

Police. You need this on record.

NKF · 22/10/2007 23:09

Are you frightened of her too? Is there more to this than you are telling us? It sounds to me as if you know that you need to report this and put a stop to it but something is holding you back.

mammya · 22/10/2007 23:10

I am that you are even wondering what to do. Please call the police.

Original poster
PurpleOne · 23/10/2007 00:56

Thanks for all your replies. It means so much.

Yes you are all right. I was in DV relationship ( not with exh though)

The only reason I held back is because exh and stepmum have ammunition against me. But if he paid more maintenance (he lied to CSA) and helped out a litle more...I wouldn't have to work? He pays £16 a week for 2 kids, I know he's lied.

Just want you all to know that I have finally made the call to the police..I am petrified, but they will be coming at 5pm tomorrow to take statements et al.

I'm not scared of them, far from it...just the counter allegations they could make against me. I would never ever treat another persons child that way, nor even storm into their house. I don't think it was premeditated...but if she has the potential to lose control like that?
Me and the girls, we have some humdingers but thats part of life and I never get any respite either...my babies are with me 24/7 when I feel I'm about to lose control....I lock myself in the bathroom! My children are at the age where they're young adults, they know thier own mind.

Conveneint now that SM has text me to say exh is in hospital with a minor heart attack...it's their way of making us feel guilty...not even an apology. NADA!
DDS1 and 2 have both said they don't want to go this weekend. It's DDs 2 'present day' (they're Jehovahs witness) and he wants Ds2 to sleep ver...yeah she's easily manipulated more like! so he will have to drop the presents off here and make a day of it, like they ruined on Sunday

OP posts:
MorticiasMother · 23/10/2007 01:02

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

NurseyJo · 23/10/2007 01:13

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Original poster
PurpleOne · 23/10/2007 01:33

Don't worry I read it.

Morticiasmother...I really hope you sleep well tonight..have you seen her profile~? Disgusting! I am not a 'bint' just asking for advice on a fantastic forum (new member here)

Just didn't want to shoot myslef in the foot before I comitted myself. As you know, once you start stuff with the police, there's no going back..which will destroy 5 yrs of no courts, a 'civil' divorce and good contact with DD father.
Owing to a previous thread, my kids have lost their grandparents on my side, I have no support

SM has my number and not even a damn apology.In my heart I know I've done the right thing....it's just so damn overwhelming?

OP posts:
Papillon · 23/10/2007 05:08

You mentioned your ex and his new partner are jehovah witness, surely their church would not approve of such actions?

It sounds like your children are as you said starting to make their own minds up about how they wish to be treated and who they wish to associate with. Good for you for trying to work at amicable relations over the years.

duchesse · 23/10/2007 05:18

[http://psychservices.psychiatryonline.org/cgi/content/full/57/5/736-a This] seems to suggest that corporal punishment is a "normal" child-rearing technique among the Jehovah witnesses. Which is not to say that what this woman did was anything other than wrong, but it may help to explain why their father just stood by.

I think that Morticiasmother is a long-time regular's alter ego- have seen that profile before. Whoever it is wheels it out to say controversial things anonymously.

duchesse · 23/10/2007 05:18

[http://psychservices.psychiatryonline.org/cgi/content/full/57/5/736-a This] seems to suggest that corporal punishment is a "normal" child-rearing technique among the Jehovah witnesses. Which is not to say that what this woman did was anything other than wrong, but it may help to explain why their father just stood by.

I think that Morticiasmother is a long-time regular's alter ego- have seen that profile before. Whoever it is wheels it out to say controversial things anonymously.

duchesse · 23/10/2007 05:19

This seems to suggest that corporal punishment is a "normal" child-rearing technique (or at least common) among the Jehovah witnesses. Which is not to say that what this woman did was anything other than wrong, but it may help to explain why their father just stood by.

I think that Morticiasmother is a long-time regular's alter ego- have seen that profile before. Whoever it is wheels it out to say controversial things anonymously.

Three posts from me! What a treat...

arfishy · 23/10/2007 05:27

Hi PurpleOne and welcome to Mumsnet. I'm am furious on your and your DD's behalf that this woman came into your house and hurt her.

You've absolutely done the right thing in calling the police. I really hope it doesn't cause problems for you in the long run but it sounds like if he dobs you in then you can do the same ref the lying to the CSA.

Please don't take offense at MorticiasMother. She is a regular's alter-ego (the morty picture is a sort of in-joke) and there was a lot of drunkeness on here last night. It will all be much more sensible tomorrow.

Papillon · 23/10/2007 05:32

That sounds rather extreme! I do know JW who are rather well to do and they don't treat their children like that. But I have read before of religions excusing abuse as Gods Will and guess some choose to excuse that Will on their kids

Papillon · 23/10/2007 05:42

Yup the lippy drunk oldie regulars, their bark is worse than their bite....

well in most cases

MorticiasMother · 23/10/2007 09:02

Truly sorry about last night purpleone. I was out of order.

lucyellensmum · 23/10/2007 09:16

nice apology Morticiasmum - i think you were trying to be kind but forceful to propel the OP into action. Thankfully she has gone to the police, the stepmum sounds like an animal to me.