I have been NC with my father for three years now. LC with my mum.
It’s a very long story but the past events involving my dad includes his alcoholism, painkiller addiction, domestic violence towards my mother, domestic violence towards his subsequent vulnerable partner. Cuckooing that partner (getting his name on her council tenancy and then physically abusing her until she moved out and he got the flat). That partner had schizophrenia and had committed infanticide yet this info was kept secret from me and my husband (we had an 18 month old when we found out and the whole family kept it secret. I found out online. Presumably he didn’t want me to realise that he had targeted someone so very vulnerable).
Eventually after a few more years of me being screamed at whenever he couldn’t get enough painkillers, manipulated with suicide threats into buying him illegal drugs, sneaking opioids into hospital for him and all sorts of other dumb things that I did for him... plus some extremely dark texts that no father should ever send a daughter, we are NC (he cut contact with me when I had a nervous breakdown).
I have been trying to heal but it’s hard. I am suffering from debilitating anxiety at the moment and I’ve got psoriasis spreading all over the place. I’ve had lots of therapy and EMDR for the trauma of witnessing the DV and the suicide attempt). My DC especially teen DS have been through a lot of stress in their young years and in the womb and regretfully DS suffers with a selective eating disorder. (I blame myself for this, that I did not distance myself earlier and his early life was such chaos).
So now my father is in his 70s and apparently bedbound, (I suspect the opioid abuse might have contributed) I have been on the receiving end of a lot of people trying to get in touch with me ‘as it is my duty as his only child to be his carer’. I have maintained strong boundaries so far but a particular neighbour of his is causing me great upset. I don’t know her at all. She turned up on my doorstep on our anniversary earlier this year. My husband was polite to her and said we are estranged and she left him her number.
She has since posted photocopied pictures of my dad through our door which we ignored.
Now she has sent my DS Xmas and birthday cards (nothing for DD) from my father with stickers stuck all over the envelope saying NO ONE SHOULD HAVE NO ONE. I felt this overstepping the mark to do this to a young teen that you don’t even know.
I found her number and asked her to refrain from sending him these things directly addressed to my child as she doesn’t know the full story, and it is us as parents who have decided on the NC with his grandfather therefore it’s inappropriate to try and guilt trip a child in this way.
Well, I have received a barrage of texts saying that she sticks stickers like that on all her outgoing letters, no one has ever complained before and if I don’t like it it is my problem. She wants my DC to see the stickers because she wants to teach them to not be cold and heartless like me, and not to abandon old people. She doesn’t care for my backstory or illness and she will do as she sees fit.
I’ve blocked her number and been sent home from work for crying 
but I’m feeling absolutely ill with it all. I realise I will always look like the bad guy who is no contact with her elderly father but I am just one human being who has reached their limit with it all. My father has sisters and nieces. He also has an estranged brother and lots of ex partners who know exaxtly how bad he can be.
I’m sorry this has been such a long post. I don’t know what to do anymore, I’m never going to have peace am I? I just want to live a quiet life free from chaos.
I don’t know what I’m asking for, I just feel broken. I feel like quicksand trying to pull me down into all the dysfunction again.