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Original poster

If your DP suggested this, would you be offended?

90 replies

TotallyandutterlyMULLED · 14/12/2020 14:56

Hi,

I'll try and keep this brief. Just wanting some outside opinions...

DP WFH, FT. I'm currently not working. We have DC and I do pretty much all things house and child care related, although DP does cook a couple of times a week. I think this is fair enough. Seems a good balance for us.

Anyway, DP comes out of the bathroom after a bath over the weekend and says, "I think we should get a cleaner". I said, no and that I felt it would look ridiculous given I don't work (no offence meant to those who don't work and have a cleaner!) and that it would make me look lazy.

I then asked why and DP said there was dust round the corners, near the skirting and round the windows. I said I was offended that they think we need a cleaner, but DP just kept saying, if we can afford it, why not? So not directly having a go, but inadvertently...having a go.

I then felt I needed to up my game and started going over areas in the kitchen I'd already gone over, before getting quite cross and thinking, hang on a minute, no. Just because I don't work, does that mean everywhere should be gleaming without a spec of dust anywhere?! Am I failing? Should I be cleaning to a professional level?! Hmm

I just don't know if I'm being silly here....

What do you think?

OP posts:
theresagiantonthebeach · 14/12/2020 15:26

@wimhoffbreather
yes I would. ..because I wouldn't want them in my house. I have a window cleaner and that's bad enough!

PizzaForOne · 14/12/2020 15:37

Your DP sounds great.

Get a cleaner and lighten your load a bit.

Don't think any offence was meant.

littleloopylou · 14/12/2020 15:39

No. I'd be thrilled.

GreySkyClouds · 14/12/2020 15:47

Get a cleaner.

combatbarbie · 14/12/2020 15:52

Hmm skirtings and stuff are deep clean territory here so maybe suggest a one off clean done every 3 months or whatever?

I can see why you're not impressed and life is too short to be worrying about dust.

Lsquiggles · 14/12/2020 15:56

I can see why you'd be insulted and taken away by his comments but honestly I'd jump at the chance to have a cleaner, especially if he's paying Grin I'd change your mindset, this will benefit you

Aprilx · 14/12/2020 15:59

I would not be at all offended! He obviously sees that both of you already have enough to do and could do with some help.

sadie9 · 14/12/2020 16:00

Hang on, you gave up.work to be available for the school runs making dinners etc.
This availability doesn't mean you have to be on your hands and knees scrubbing skirting boards. Take up the offer. You can also get cleaners to come in for one day and blitz those jobs like cleaning paintwork, window frames etc.

MoanerLizzie · 14/12/2020 16:02

Are you mad? Bite his hand off! Grin

Seriously, looking after children is a full time job (particularly if they're younger), keeping a house running to the kind of standard he's after is a full time job. He's absolutely right that if you can afford it, why not?

Who cares what anyone else thinks? Enjoy your family life, all of you. Life and this time with your children at home is so short. Use the extra time to make special memories together.

NeverHadANickname · 14/12/2020 16:03

I would love my DH to say similar, I'd be researching a cleaner before he finished talking.

NoSquirrels · 14/12/2020 16:10

I know plenty of people who are at home FT looking after DC, or who work PT, and who have a cleaner.

If you can afford it, get a cleaner. Why on earth not?

No one will judge you. And if they do that's their issue not yours.

wildraisins · 14/12/2020 16:11

To be fair if you get a cleaner they probably won't have that much attention to detail anyway.

We have a cleaner and they only do the basics. Don't think they'd see dust on a skirting board.

2me2u2u2me · 14/12/2020 16:12

My house would be a right shit tip if I thought it would encourage my OH to pay for a cleaner Envy Grin

2me2u2u2me · 14/12/2020 16:12

@NeverHadANickname

I would love my DH to say similar, I'd be researching a cleaner before he finished talking.
me too hahaha
SmileyClare · 14/12/2020 16:26

I would hate to have a cleaner if I was at home anyway. I'd have to go out if they came, I mean I just couldn't be sitting about or playing with kids while they rushed around cleaning my mess. I'd also feel compelled to tidy and clean before they arrived so a bit pointless really.
I'd hate to have any "servants" at all.

That's just me though, I wouldn't judge you particularly if you had a cleaner.

I've worked as a cleaner and one sahm kept me as her little secret. She didn't tell her husband I worked there three days a week. It was an enormous house to be fair. If her friends visited when I was there I was asked to hide clean quietly upstairs. Grin

SapatSea · 14/12/2020 16:29

I wouldn't be offended but I'd consider if it was a good use of family money that you'd rather put towards a deposit for a bigger house/holiday home, school fees, holidays, babysitters etc.

notangelinajolie · 14/12/2020 16:29

I'd say yes please Grin

TheSunIsStillShining · 14/12/2020 16:34

Exact same situation almost. I homeshool a teen. Fun times.
Same conversation with H, minus the get a cleaner part.
At first I simply told him to eff off.
But he does have a point. This is my job atm, might as well do it well.
No, I don't go over everything twice and I would not advise you to eat from our carpets. But yes, all skirting and any other surface is always dust free, anything near water is cleaned 2x a week with limescale remover, etc.
as long as it's this level of reasonable cleanliness I think H has a point. If he was on about stains in the carpet that I should try to get out by scrubbing for hours... I don't think he'd get dinner for a while....

WhereverIGoddamnLike · 14/12/2020 16:36

The place isnt as clean as it should be. He suggested getting a cleaner. What's the problem? I hate it when dust and muck has built up around skirting boards, or in corners or windowsill. Some people dont care.

You dont notice it. He does. He is happy to get a cleaner in.

He didnt come out and tell you off. He just suggested a solution so you're not having to work to his standard, because that would be unfair to ask.

BoJoHoNo · 14/12/2020 16:39

I'd be more than happy to trial a cleaner to save having to do the work myself. My DP did suggest we should get a cleaner but he won't be proactive about finding one and he leaves his mess all over the house, so I can't see how they would actually be able to clean. I don't think there's anything bad about having a cleaner when you don't work either. If you're self conscious about it just say you work from home! Smile

Chocolate4me · 14/12/2020 16:42

I'd say your oh could do the bits that your missing.... We have a cleaner and she doesn't do a thorough job, and makes mistakes like marking our walls with the hoover etc. And sometimes leaving piles of dust in places etc. We've had 3 cleaners and have never found anyone to do a clean up to my ohs standards!!!
It does sound a bit passive aggressive, he should have just wiped away the dust and said nothing!!

MistletoeandGin · 14/12/2020 16:44

We spent some time living abroad... For the first 6 months I wasn’t working due to visa restrictions and we lived in a serviced appointment with a daily cleaner. It was bliss Grin.
It doesn’t sound like he was being critical of you... he just thinks a cleaner would be helpful. You’re being over sensitive.

Lolapusht · 14/12/2020 16:46

Did he at any point go and get a cloth to get rid of the dust? If dusty corners and skirtings are his only concern, it would take him not 2 minutes to sort. No point in paying someone to come and do something he could do. He could maybe even find jobs that need doing once or twice a month and do those. Let you concentrate on the daily things when you’re not doing childcare, but he’s obviously doing his share of childcare/housework at the weekends and you both just run out of time to get those pesky skirting boards spick and span?!

SimonJT · 14/12/2020 16:50

Get the cleaner!

I got a cleaner when I was on adoption leave, I then went back part time and kept my cleaner on. She comes twice a week (she does laundry as well), apart from cleaning kitchen after cooking, spills etc I don’t need to clean anything. Its brilliant!

GlowingOrb · 14/12/2020 16:50

He prefers a different standard of clean and instead of insisting you meet that standard he proposed a perfectly reasonable solution. Why on earth are you unhappy?