Does your partner care about your physical safety?

[Whydothedo]

I'm single after what I think was a (at best) toxic relationship.

I'm 30 and he was 40. One of the things that left me questioning his love for me was that I never felt like he particularly cared about my physical safety (towards the end he purposely physically intimidated me so logically I know this may be true, but it's still on my mind) - for example if I said I'd be home by 6 but still wasn't come by 8, he'd never text to see if I was OK. He was always happy for me to walk in the dark alone, no matter if it was in a place I didn't know/a dodgy part of town etc.

When my car broke down and I was on my own for five hours, he didn't offer to come and wait with me. He never really said 'Be careful' or 'Let me know you get home safe' without it seeming forced. After once jokingly texting 'I'm home now... but thanks for making sure I wasn't in a ditch somewhere!' his response was 'If you were dead in a ditch, me texting to see if you were OK would have been pointless anyway 😉'.

I'm an independent person, I have my own hobbies/friends etc. but is it normal to have a BF/husband who is like this? We had a conversation about my feelings once and he said 'I think you're paranoid about life' and 'If I ever thought you were in real danger, I'd say something'.

Is this normal?

But I suppose I'm a product of my experiences, because when I did live a partner, if he was two hours late it was never because anything bad had happened to him, it was because he was an asshole .

As a care assistant if i say 'I'm due home at 10, going to pop to the garage and ill see you at 10.30'
My partner would text about 10.45/10.50 - id get home (didnt answer cos yano, driving!)
And he would just be relieved.

I will not lie i love that he cares and I love that if one day i did happen to get in an accident or break down and my phone's died etc he will know something's wrong, but i also never roll up hours later.

We are pretty precise with work endings/ starts & if shit happens a quick text sorts that out both sides.

Now if i popped out at 3PM to go shopping and wasn't back by 7/8/9 he wouldn't think to panic. I'd probably get a text at some point or I would have text him.

I dont think its controlling but i also dont claim to be independant!

I love he cares enough about me to pace by the window when all he wants to do is go to bed, i love that when hes running late he sends me a text to say 'busy, got chatting, see u in 40mins!'

To me, its basic communication.

But if your partner and you have never had that I suppose its weird to randomly decide you want them to text you if you are late. A different post on here about running an hour late and your partner panicking would result in 'leave the abusive bastard'

Its all relative isn't it? I dont think one size fits all