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Original poster

My partners son has met my family, but he has never tried to introduce my son to his.

46 replies

Teachermammy · 13/12/2020 11:00

Hi,

I have been with my partner for a year now. We both have a son each with a previous long term partner. His son is 2, and has met all my family. My family have bought him presents for birthday and Christmas. He calls my mam nannie and my sister auntie. I always make effort to make sure he is made to be part of the family.

My partner is really good with my son, and treats him no different to his own. However his family have never asked to meet him and my partner has never even tried to introduce him to them either. When I was supposed to do something with his family but then couldn't because I have had my son back early from his dads, they've never just said to bring him with me or anything. I end up just not attending because I have my son. When its been the other way round though, I tell my partner just to bring his son and so do my family.

Is this just me being daft being upset over it? Feeling like they aren't as bothered and not feeling great about the situation?

OP posts:
Mammyloveswine · 13/12/2020 11:10

Have you discussed this with your partner?

Also I think it's a bit soon for your partners son to call your mum "nannie" although it is lovely that they treat him as part of the family!

You need to say to your partner "I'll be bringing.."

How old is your son?

Do you live with your partner?

VivaMiltonKeynes · 13/12/2020 11:12

It is far too soon to get children involved with extended family !

SmallBalloonAnimals · 13/12/2020 11:15

I'd be more concerned that his son is calling your family 'nannie' and 'auntie' and is made to feel like 'part of the family' after only a year than that your son hasn't met your boyfriend's family tbh.

Your son is far more emotionally protected should your relationship break down than his son is.

Original poster
Teachermammy · 13/12/2020 11:17

I don't really know how to bring it up with him without sounding petty. I did say to him that my son thinks he doesn't have a mam or a dad (he genuinly asked me if my partner has a mammy or daddy) to see if that would make anything change. But it didn't. In fact today I was supposed to be doing something with my partner, his mam and his son. However my son is coming home early, when I said I was getting him back early, my partners response was "well if you can't come, you can't come."

He only calls her nannie because my son does, so he just started saying it as he learned to talk. We just never said not to when he started.

My son is 6 and we don't officially live together but he's at mine every night, on weekends when he has his son he stops at mine with him also.

I just don't feel like I can invite my son along to something with his family.

OP posts:
Diverseduvet · 13/12/2020 11:17

I agree it's too early for family names. How old is your son? Has none of his family never asked to meet him?

Ohalrightthen · 13/12/2020 11:24

He's being much more sensible with your son than he is with his own.

Dery · 13/12/2020 11:25

It’s not petty. It’s appropriate to be having this discussion. It worries me that you don’t feel able to bring it up. Either this relationship is a keeper, in which case you need to be able to discuss it, or it’s not. He may not realise you want to be able to bring your son along. Men tend to need things spelt out because they are socialised to ask for what they want and they assume will do the same. And so we should but somehow we’ve learnt not to. Just ask him. If he says he doesn’t want to involve your son or acts like he’s doing it under duress you will need to rethink the whole thing anyway.

Aprilx · 13/12/2020 11:27

On the one hand, I don’t know why you cannot just say “I will be bringing X with me”.

On the other hand, I think you are both rushing to involve extended family in this and his son, could end up a very confused little boy. I think your son is the more fortunate of the two of them.

Zucker · 13/12/2020 11:29

Unfortunately he doesn't regard your son as family (rightly after such a short time imo). His son will alway be included, yours won't. Can you live with this long term?

MichelleScarn · 13/12/2020 11:30

My son is 6 and we don't officially live together but he's at mine every night, on weekends when he has his son he stops at mine with him also.
I would say that you do live together? Does he have a property of his own?

cactusisblooming · 13/12/2020 11:31

Sorry OP but it sounds as if you are very convenient for him, but he isn't that invested in you. He stops over every single night? You really need to have a talk with him. Some families are more forward/welcoming than others, but he has made it clear that he isn't interested in introducing your son to his family, whilst yours are buying his son presents and treating him like family? He has more front than Brighton, and is likely laughing at you on the other side of his face.

Original poster
Teachermammy · 13/12/2020 11:33

@MichelleScarn

My son is 6 and we don't officially live together but he's at mine every night, on weekends when he has his son he stops at mine with him also. I would say that you do live together? Does he have a property of his own?
He does have a home of his own. He does stop there occasionally, but more often he stays at mine.
OP posts:
Original poster
Teachermammy · 13/12/2020 11:37

I am well aware so many think things have been rushed. However nothing has been forced, things have just happened and we've gone with them. He hasn't been told to call my mam and sister, nannie and auntie. He hears my son say it, and as he has learned to talk he has started to call them that. He hears me call his dad by his first name and so he calls his dad by his first name sometimes as a result of that. Its what happens when children learn to talk, its how they learn, from what other people say.

OP posts:
pickingdaisies · 13/12/2020 11:38

So ask him?

youvegottenminuteslynn · 13/12/2020 11:41

His son is 2, and has met all my family. My family have bought him presents for birthday and Christmas. He calls my mam nannie and my sister auntie.

Way too soon. Way, way too soon.

He's being more sensible than you to be honest, I'm shocked that you think this is all normal after a year.

I don't really know how to bring it up with him without sounding petty.

This is odd, you're together and you are clearly very invested (over invested IMO) but can't just ask him a question?

That's because you have rushed this all and moved too fast, so you feel you are more committed and know each other better than you really do. It creates a sort of false intimacy.

Hence the disparity between saying you're basically a family now and not being able to talk to him about how you're feeling.

youvegottenminuteslynn · 13/12/2020 11:42

However nothing has been forced, things have just happened and we've gone with them.

Well that's irresponsible when there are kids involved, isn't it?

It's like when people have affairs and say it 'just happened'. In reality, you've made a series of active choices.

Ohalrightthen · 13/12/2020 11:43

@Teachermammy

I am well aware so many think things have been rushed. However nothing has been forced, things have just happened and we've gone with them. He hasn't been told to call my mam and sister, nannie and auntie. He hears my son say it, and as he has learned to talk he has started to call them that. He hears me call his dad by his first name and so he calls his dad by his first name sometimes as a result of that. Its what happens when children learn to talk, its how they learn, from what other people say.
But you shouldn't have introduced his child to your family so soon at all!
nimbuscloud · 13/12/2020 11:46

Just make sure you don’t get pregnant.

IsFinnRogersDead · 13/12/2020 11:58

but he's at mine every night, on weekends when he has his son he stops at mine with him also

Is he paying his way at your house?
How much child care are you doing for him? How much wife work?

Tbh it sounds like, after only a year, he's found someone who he's happy to have cook for him and look after his 2 year old. But not someone he wants to meet his family, or be part of his family.

Put simply - you are not on the same page. Back off and see what happens.

Ideasplease322 · 13/12/2020 11:59

His two year old shouldn’t be calling people in your family nannie and auntie. Way too soon.

It is odd that he doesn’t seem to want his parents to meet your son.

He also sleeps at your house every night, does he contribute to bills?

You need to ask him what the issue is.

peboh · 13/12/2020 12:02

Perhaps his family aren't ready for all of that yet, and that's perfectly okay. It's not for him to tel his family they have to accept your son. It's not for you to tell him he has to make them. You've moved very quickly in regards to his son, but that doesn't mean everybody else wants to do the same.

Boredofitallnow · 13/12/2020 12:03

I can't believe people think a year is too soon......how many years are you supposed to wait?

It seems to me it just delays matters for no good reason, and shuts the kids out of important people and parts of your life. Children are very adaptable.

Santaisironingwrappingpaper · 13/12/2020 12:04

Does he contribute financially with spending so much time at your home?

Original poster
Teachermammy · 13/12/2020 13:47

He doesn't contribute financially in the sense of bills, but he does pay towards food. When we go anywhere to do anything we always just go halves, even if there's only 1 of the kids. We always take his car anywhere because my sons high back booster is easier to move between cars than his sons fitted car seat. So he pays the fuel etc then. I'm fine with the financial situation as he is still paying for his own household bills for his own home anyways and everyoung else is very evenly split or made up for elsewhere.

OP posts:
Original poster
Teachermammy · 13/12/2020 13:50

@Boredofitallnow

I can't believe people think a year is too soon......how many years are you supposed to wait?

It seems to me it just delays matters for no good reason, and shuts the kids out of important people and parts of your life. Children are very adaptable.

Im so glad someone else thinks this too. I've been say wondering if I've done everything so wrong. We didn't meet each others kids for the first few months and then his little boy wasn't around my family at all for a couple months after that. Its only a more recent thing that his son sees my family. But we have been together a year from 2nd November.

I know people who have done things quicker than that and not being criticised. Both our family and friends don't see an issue either.

OP posts: