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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Wiped chat history

66 replies

Lostatsea1988 · 13/12/2020 08:35

Urgh nc for this.

My husband has a 'work wife', not his name for her, that's what I call her (in jest). They work for a global firm, high pressure environment (don't want to be too specific but law/accountancy/consulting that kind of thing).

Work wife (I'll call her Amy) is also married. Her husband is handsome and a lovely guy. No kids on either side. We go for dinner Amy and her husband, have mutual friends, a few holiday breaks away in groups etc etc. Amy is younger than me, very sexy (in a classy way), clever, etc etc. She's also great fun and can drink the boys under the table. You get the idea. If it sounds like I'm a bit jealous of her yes maybe I am.

Anyway I noticed he's been on his phone a lot more recently and sorry to say (pls don't flame) I had a look at his chars with Amy and its been wiped. I know it's been wiped because they text all the time and are good friends, he has shown me a meme or a photo etc from her before so I know there was a chat history it's not like 'oh maybe they just don't text much' if you get me.

I flip between thinking im being paranoid and then thinking stop it you're just jealous of her. Wwyd.

OP posts:
BigBaublesGalore · 13/12/2020 20:28

@Lostatsea1988

lol at Ekhardt playing up to type there. Ok enough MN for me today. Thank you for the hand hold guys!
I really don't think eckhart meant it badly, she's always been kind on threads
Eckhart · 13/12/2020 20:40

Lordy. Thank you @BigBaublesGalore

OP, you're admitting to jealousy and I'm saying you might be considerably more awesome than you're feeling yourself to be in your relationship.

No idea what 'playing up to type' means, but I think you're being mean to my kindness. Unnecessary.

BigBaublesGalore · 13/12/2020 21:19

@Eckhart
OP, you're admitting to jealousy and I'm saying you might be considerably more awesome than you're feeling yourself to be in your relationship.

^ this is what I perceived you meant.

youvegottenminuteslynn · 13/12/2020 22:02

[quote BigBaublesGalore]**@Eckhart
OP, you're admitting to jealousy and I'm saying you might be considerably more awesome than you're feeling yourself to be in your relationship.

^ this is what I perceived you meant. [/quote]
This is how I read it from you too @Eckhart Thanks

dabbadabbadoooo · 13/12/2020 22:36

He's hiding something . You need to keep an eye on this . Keep
Seeing if he keeps deleting their chats . Either having an emotional
Affair or full
Blown

Eckhart · 13/12/2020 22:39

Thanks @youvegottenminuteslynn.

Iloveme30 · 13/12/2020 23:10

@Lostatsea1988

I am not 10 times the woman she is as she is a really nice person! Just happens to be really stunning on top! Obviously i know looks aren't everything, i'm just being honest and owning my feelings, even if I know they are not healthy. Honestly if I'd come on here and sworn I didn't feel jealous of her at all all the vipers would be circling and saying "you sound bitter OP" and "you need to get a handle on your jealousy". Can't win!
Yes I agree , can't win here sometimes. I'd be wary and keep your eyes peeled xx
VivaMiltonKeynes · 13/12/2020 23:30

@WatieKatie

Surely they wouldn’t be so brazen as to suggest dinner with partners if they are sleeping together?

I do think that you are reading far too much into this OP.

Funnily enough my ex H and the OW who was a family friend did just that . Sat there with their respective spouses and must have found it so amusing.
Onthedunes · 13/12/2020 23:34

I think you misread @Eckharts post
She was giving you a compliment.

I agree though deleted chat not great, check his frequently used emojis,
that could show any silly chats he's had with her.

CandyLeBonBon · 13/12/2020 23:34

Sorry op. It eckhart wasn't saying anything remotely unkind to you and that's twice now you've had a pop.

You're possibly allowing your insecurities to cloud your thinking?

Wantsadvice1978909 · 14/12/2020 07:35

@Lostatsea1988

I am not 10 times the woman she is as she is a really nice person! Just happens to be really stunning on top! Obviously i know looks aren't everything, i'm just being honest and owning my feelings, even if I know they are not healthy. Honestly if I'd come on here and sworn I didn't feel jealous of her at all all the vipers would be circling and saying "you sound bitter OP" and "you need to get a handle on your jealousy". Can't win!
Everyone has different versions of good looking, there’s absolutely no need to jump onto eckhart when she was saying you’re more than likely better looking and your husband clearly does find you attractive. I don’t think Emma stone is anything to rave about yet there are tons of people that say she’s the sexiest woman in the world! We all see different OP but you’re singing her praises way too much for someone you assume is seeing your partner
Maze76 · 14/12/2020 09:36

My husband had a work wife and I was ok with it. I thought she was nice, smart and somewhat attractive, but not a threat.... I was wrong, they had an emotional affair and he left me for her. I’m not saying this is what’s happening with you, but I am saying to keep an eye on things.

whatwedontknow · 14/12/2020 20:27

I’m not sure I understand what a work wife is, maybe it’s my age but I thought it meant an assistant who managed your work life. Can anyone explain?

oldshoeuk · 18/12/2020 13:58

So I'm jealous of Amy too, she sounds amazing. I don't know much about messaging and apps as I do more PC, mail stuff. But when I delete to clear space I usually go for the biggest batch I can find from one sender and delete the lot for efficiency.

I would need to see more of a pattern to be suspicious. In any case if I had my super sneaky head on I would leave loads of boring ones on there, because deleting them all would be suspicious! I'm guessing he's not stupid so I would start by giving him the benefit of the doubt.

Sunshineandflipflops · 18/12/2020 15:38

@Fuzzmutt

Good to know that you're having normal/regular sex and there's nothing untoward in that regard. Apart from her huge (natural) tits and tiny waist, what do you think he sees in her?
My ex husband ramped up the sex just before I found out he was having an affair so yeah, I'm afraid that means nothing.

Also, I've only ever wiped complete chats when I've had something to hide.

wobblywinelover · 18/12/2020 17:01

I would go for the meal and watch carefully how they interact with each other. Don't let on to him you've been worried about it. You may just be feeling a bit insecure (understandable) but you also may be onto something. Just proceed with caution and keep an eye on things. I think it's all you can do really. Oh and yes definitely stop calling him his work wife. Call her Amy instead. Good luck OP

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