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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Guy with pregnant girlfriend keeps messaging me

51 replies

Confusedwalker · 11/12/2020 23:40

So just after abit of advice

I was seeing this guy about a 2years ago on and off for about 2 years
Neither of us were ready to commit at that time and it got abit messy

Anyway I found someone I wanted to be in a relationship with and called it off with him.
A few months later he also found someone.

All was fine until I broke up with my ex and the guy started liking my photos on insta ( he wasn’t following me at the time, so had to search for me each time )
This was both through his personal and business account

I confronted him on this and he said he wasn’t doing anything wrong, we had a quick catch up via DM where he admitted he would have liked to have given things a go with me but we were both in different head spaces back then and I kept him at arms length
There’s also other info he said but I don’t want to out myself on here

Anyway it turns out the girl he started seeing before is actually pregnant.
He did have her info in his insta bio but keeps deleting it.

My question is should I tell the preggo GF or should I carry on as things are.

OP posts:

GroundAlmonds · 12/12/2020 08:11

Why distress a pregnant woman? She will find out what he’s like eventually without your help, hopefully when she’s back at work and has childcare sorted. Just block him and stop entertaining the drama.

Preggo is an awful word BTW.

Bookworming · 12/12/2020 08:11

I don’t personally think it’s really down to me to tell him his priorities.

But you do think it's down to you to tell his pregnant girlfriend?

I think you're loving the attention and want to create drama.

Simple, look exactly this is not appropriate, you're about to be a dad. The walk away and let home get on with it.

Drama, I've messaged your pregnant girlfriend. Cause massive drama and lots of contact from him to you etc.

nimbuscloud · 12/12/2020 08:13

Just block him.

Original poster

Confusedwalker · 12/12/2020 08:13

@twolip

He had her info in his insta bio, Jesus how old are you all?

Sad isn’t it. They’re both older than me believe it or not.

OP posts:

SmallBalloonAnimals · 12/12/2020 08:14

You still haven't responded to peopl asking why you dont just ignore and block.

Why the drama?

IsFinnRogersDead · 12/12/2020 08:15

Has she moved to be with him?

Original poster

Confusedwalker · 12/12/2020 08:17

Some of you get very touchy on here.

As I’m not a mum myself I wanted to see if people on here would prefer to know that the man they are having a baby with was being a sleeze and messaging another woman.

Turns out non of you would want to know which wasnt what I was expecting.

There’s obviously a lot more to the story than what I’ve put on here however I don’t think I worded the last part very well when I said “carry on as things are”
I do not intend to continue to speak with him.

OP posts:

todayIdrankmilk · 12/12/2020 08:23

@NotaCoolMum

Block. Delete. Move on.

This

I surprised you even have to Ask ,op

category12 · 12/12/2020 08:24

What did you mean by carry on then? If it's not what you meant, then yes, very badly worded.

But I would want to know, as the gf. Because currently she's making life decisions based on a lie.

SmallBalloonAnimals · 12/12/2020 08:28

Some of you get very touchy on here.

Tbh, I can't see how being a mum or lot impacts on your ability to have integrity.

Personally, I would rather be told, at any stage of life.

A life is far easier to uproot, move and resettle while the baby is inside you and requires far less 'stuff' than when its out! And is quieter too...

The advice to you to block and ignore was because you sounded very much as though you were flattered by this and wanted it to continue. Therefore, the advice was given to you in order to protect yourself from him.

But yes, I would absolutely want to know.

Original poster

Confusedwalker · 12/12/2020 08:28

@category12

What did you mean by carry on then? If it's not what you meant, then yes, very badly worded.

But I would want to know, as the gf. Because currently she's making life decisions based on a lie.

This is exactly my thoughts and I was surprised that no one else seemed to think the same!

I wouldn’t want to be blissfully unaware that the guy I was about to have a baby with was acting the way he was.

Admittedly I’m not that brave to just go up and tell someone the information I have so wanted to be sure I was making the right decision.

Coming here hasn’t helped loads as I’m still on the fence haha!

Oh and with the “carry on with how things are” I’m currently ignoring him but hadn’t said that for context unfortunately!

OP posts:

pickingdaisies · 12/12/2020 08:29

Yes, I'd want to know too.

Original poster

Confusedwalker · 12/12/2020 08:29

@SmallBalloonAnimals

Some of you get very touchy on here.

Tbh, I can't see how being a mum or lot impacts on your ability to have integrity.

Personally, I would rather be told, at any stage of life.

A life is far easier to uproot, move and resettle while the baby is inside you and requires far less 'stuff' than when its out! And is quieter too...

But yes, I would absolutely want to know.

I have now cleared this up.

But yes I agree , it would be easier for her to find out whilst she is still only pregnant.

I’m just not sure how I would go about it

OP posts:

berrygirlie · 12/12/2020 08:33

Send her screenshots from an anonymous account, maybe (probably with his username included) if you think it's the right thing to do.

If you're not looking for drama don't cause it, so don't let him know you've sent it and once you've given the information over don't do anything else.

SmallBalloonAnimals · 12/12/2020 08:46

If you're not looking for drama don't cause it, so don't let him know you've sent it and once you've given the information over don't do anything else.

I'd do this.

Someone told me my son's father was cheating on me. I found out when i was 30 weeks pregnant. Far easier to move out when I only had myself to think about!

PurBal · 12/12/2020 08:50

Block/ignore/delete. I had a guy who I went to uni with ask for nude pics (ha, yeah right) on his wedding day. Only found out after the fact. Do not get involved, not even small talk.

Sparklehearter · 12/12/2020 08:55

@HallFloor

I think mostly, if I was the pregnant girlfriend I'd want it to stop. You can do that for her.

Except it WONT stop . Guys like this just move on to the next woman Op don’t be flattered If I were the pregnant gf I’d want to know

HallFloor · 12/12/2020 09:01

Yes, I realise that Sparkle, but it was the idea that OP wanted to do the pregnant woman a favour by telling her rather than stopping it.

Pumpertrumper · 12/12/2020 09:02

In fairness OP if I were his pregnant GF I would also want to know.

I never understand why MN tell people not to say anything!!
Some poor pregnant woman is sat at home with him whilst he’s saying he wants to give it another go with you.

Honestly I would probably message him asking him something really condemning like. ‘Do you still want to give it a go with me? How would that work with X pregnant girlfriend?’

Then if he really is a shit and willing to ditch her/cheat send it to her!!!
Either A- she can dump the loser and give herself and her baby a better start without a dick like him around her neck
Or B- she’ll forgive /keep him but she’ll know the score and it’ll be her own fault when he does it again, which he will, they always do!

TillyTopper · 12/12/2020 09:04

He's trouble. Block. Delete. Move on and don't get into that potential drama. Don't say anything to his GF.

Queenceecee · 12/12/2020 09:16

I'm going to go against the grain here and suggest telling her.
I was once the pregnant woman in this very same scenario.
I didnt find out until my baby was 8 months old. It had been going on for 18 months.
They eventually met in person and that's when I found out the whole story.
I felt like a fool. I felt like my pregnancy, birth and early baby days were all tarnished.
I am telling you for a fine fact had I known he was doing this from the start I'd have fucked him off in the first instance.
Men like this are disgusting, vile creeps. Not attractive in the slightest.
I'd want to know!

Malteserlover50 · 12/12/2020 09:34

Has he actually said anything to you that would count as cheating or wanting to cheat on his girlfriend? If he has then yes I think you should tell her.

If he has and it is only just chatting to you and liking your photos, then block and delete.

Original poster

Confusedwalker · 12/12/2020 09:44

@Malteserlover50

Has he actually said anything to you that would count as cheating or wanting to cheat on his girlfriend? If he has then yes I think you should tell her.

If he has and it is only just chatting to you and liking your photos, then block and delete.

This is a good point!

I suppose everyone has different thresholds of what cheating is

OP posts:

Branleuse · 12/12/2020 09:47

Honestly neither of them are your problem. You dont owe either of them anything. Why insert yourself into their dramas?
Block, move on. Not your circus, not your monkeys.

Original poster

Confusedwalker · 12/12/2020 10:11

@Branleuse

Honestly neither of them are your problem. You dont owe either of them anything. Why insert yourself into their dramas? Block, move on. Not your circus, not your monkeys.

I’m starting to agree with this side of things

OP posts:

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