Brother taken into care

[puppychaos]

Will try to make this short.

DB6 has been taken into care due to SM drinking. DSS20 (stepsis) has been a kinship carer however is not coping.

I'm not close to my step family as my dad left them (he has abandoned all his children, useless tossed) I think it feels quite difficult for them to acknowledge me. I'm not sure if it's worth letting SS know that he does have another relative who could take care of him if needed. I also live at the opposite end of the country though, so I'm really not sure.

Should I phone SS or just leave it be? Worried DB will end up with no family connections whatsoever.

Do you want the responsibility and can you do it?

If so, let SS know.

Does he know you?

I don’t really have any advice for you. I don’t know enough about these things. I’m sorry.

I have a six year old though. I can’t tell you how frightened she would be to be placed with strangers and away from her family. She would be absolutely beside herself.

On that basis, I’d do what I could.

@MrsTerryPratchett 100% sure we could handle it and already been checked over by our LA recently as we were temporary kinship carers for a friend's newborn (ended in reunification) earlier in the year.

My main concerns are taking him geographically far away from everything he knows, and potentially disrupting reunification. Having said that this has been an issue for 5 years now and DSS has always taken care of DB but now she's left home, kinship care happened because he had a family member to go to.

@AddisonM not that well, no. I used to visit more regularly when he was younger but I haven't been down in about 18 months. We're a long way apart. This is a main concern of mine in regards to reaching out- I'm really torn.

At the end of the day there are two options, because DSS won't cope for much longer:

1. He ends up with strangers, but gets to stay at the same school and have the familiarity of the places and people he knows

1. He stays with me, a blood family member- but hundreds of miles from everything he's used to

Gahhhh.

Honestly, the SWs job is to think about what's best for the child. You are just offering an option.

It's lovely of you to consider it. Poor kid

@MrsTerryPratchett it's heartbreaking but unsurprising given my DSS has really been his main carer for 5 years. She always told me she'd put a stop to it when she left him, bless her, she only left home 6 months ago. She's had no time to just be a teenager. I'm not sure who I feel worse for.

What a poppet.

@MrsTerryPratchett I know. I'm so angry at SS for leaving my brother in a dangerous situation for the first 6 years of his life, basically biding their time until DSS left home. Awful. Will give them a call tomorrow, I appreciate the kind words.

I would reach out to SS so they're at least aware of you and then take it from there. Obviously it doesn't necessarily mean he would come to live with you, or even that it might be in his best interest to not due to the geographical location? Yes you've been vetted and approved by LA, but I'd presume they're still working with his mum around supervised contact if she's been assessed as okay to do this either now, or in the future? That'd be pretty hard to facilitate from the other end of the country. And I'd guess they'd definately want the sibling who currently has kinship to be able to maintain regular contact, even if the child can no longer live with them?

As MrsTerryPratchett said, you can offer and let social services make the decision. The reality is he may not get to stay in his school anyway if he is placed far away, or will be faced with long journeys back and forth. If reunification looks unlikely I’m sure you would be an attractive option. Be very, very clear (I cannot emphasise this enough) that you are offering to be assessed as a connected carer as an alternative to him being in care as a looked after child. Councils will often try anything to find a way around having to support placements both financially and in practical terms.

@Catsup I agree, which is why I'm so conflicted. I think if reunification is in the best interests of the child then nothing should disrupt that. That's why I feel so cagey about making contact in case they do decide that I'm the best option for him to live with. Obviously if that was the case, we would manage fine, but any chance of reunification would be lowered.

@GingerAndTheBiscuits yes don't worry I won't let them go for sgo and would push for connected carer if it came to it.

Yes you're right that they might not find close by foster carers anyway. I know there's a huge huge lack of foster carers in that area, so that would be tricky. Still, reunification may be possible still, I don't know.

They will only place him with you if it is the best option. If you make contact then that option is there. You may be what he needs.

What do I even say on the phone? When I was last a kinship carer, my friend mentioned me as a carer for her baby. I didn't volunteer myself outright. Is just giving them a call enough?

I think just have the conversation. You have explained everything really clearly here and are just volunteering yourself as an option.

Good luck!

Just say what you said - it’s your step brother , you haven’t been visiting for 18 months but love him and would happily give him a home. I hope he does live with you, someone who will love him is best, and could be easier to reunify from family too I’d think as he wouldn’t be ‘losing’ you.

I'd contact SS and tell them you want to and are able to care for him if they feel that's in his best interests. Discuss your concerns with them, they're in a much better position to know. Given you are willing and able I think it's important to offer. Even if you haven't seen him in a while you're not a complete stranger.

Thank you everyone. Really just keen to do what's best for him.

Bless him. I’d make the offer and see what the professionals think.

If you can make a commitment to this child then make the offer. The social workers will decide if it is an appropriate placement. They might be thrilled to have a family member geographically distant as sometimes it helps to have no chance of running into certain people.

Ah, poor kid. Is he your step-brother or half-brother?

If you are a stable relative you could be a blessing, both for him and for your step-sister.

It is the social services job to decide who he should be placed with so don't worry that you are doing the wrong thing in presenting yourself as an option.

if that was my child.id probably want him to be with you-given you have the ability to provide a home,is that a longterm deal?if hes on radar hes unhappy or uncatered for.a fresh start will be new.and you need get advice re trauma that might cause and maybe play therapy.do you have kids.is this a lifetime shift?

If my children were in that position I’d much rather they stayed with a family member who could give them a secure and loving home, even if it meant them changing schools. I think you’re doing the right thing OP. You can only offer.

I deeply regret not taking my nephew in when he was young. I agree with other posters that you should let SS know about your circumstances and then let them help make the decision in the best interests of your DB.

Poor kid, poor you. I do think a loving, caring family member is a better option than a loving, caring non-family member.