Brother taken into care

[puppychaos]

Will try to make this short.

DB6 has been taken into care due to SM drinking. DSS20 (stepsis) has been a kinship carer however is not coping.

I'm not close to my step family as my dad left them (he has abandoned all his children, useless tossed) I think it feels quite difficult for them to acknowledge me. I'm not sure if it's worth letting SS know that he does have another relative who could take care of him if needed. I also live at the opposite end of the country though, so I'm really not sure.

Should I phone SS or just leave it be? Worried DB will end up with no family connections whatsoever.

What a hard situation. I would say, however, that as a six year old, moving to a different area will not but such a big deal as it may be for an older child. The positives of the stable environment that you wold be giving him must surely outweigh the disruption of the move. Children can be very adaptable.

6 year olds are much more adaptable and resilient than you think.

Make the offer. How would you feel in 10 years if he spent his life in foster care and you had had the power to change that but didn't?

Please call ss. If it was my child I would want them to call my estranged half siblings and their adult children even though they don't know my children. I would want them to have the chance at family

So pleased you are thinking of this OP. Good luck to you and the family 💐

What a wonderful offer you are making. Imo, get him out of the care system. He will get over a change in his environment and be raised in a happy supportive loving family his entire life, as opposed to same environment but possibly a chain of carers who may not all be kind and he could just be abandoned by the system at 18.

Thinking about you and your db today. You are very impressive and however things work out you will know you did your best to keep him safe.

And yes, as BoomyBooms says get him out if the care system if you possibly can as he is likely to be passed from one carer to the next until he is 18. By which time he will be thoroughly damaged

Hope you manage to get your worries settled.

I'm no social worker but I would like to think that if they see SM's drink issue as long term then you may be a good stable option while she has the chance to try and sort herself out.

You may not be ideal for the reasons you have identified but he is very unlikely to be adopted and runs the risk of being passed from pillar to post in the care system and never having a stable home. At least with you he will be with family he "belongs" to. In your position, I'd at least make the offer. Poor DSsis, sounds like she's had a chunk of her childhood stolen from her.

Could you invite him to yours for the Christmas holidays and see how that goes? Christmas can be a very busy time for ss and not an easy time for a foster family to take on a new child. If you feel you can cope i would go for it, but it is a huge decision and not to be entered into lightly, no one would blame you if it doesn't work out.

I am a retired SW and I would say to you to call SS and ask if they will consider you as an option for your DB''s care. They have an obligation to consider every option which is presented to them. I've seen plenty of children go on to be cared for by family members who are quite far removed from day to day involvement with the family. If it can happen it is so much better for a child to be cared for by appropriate family than by alternative care.

@Deadringer

Could you invite him to yours for the Christmas holidays and see how that goes? Christmas can be a very busy time for ss and not an easy time for a foster family to take on a new child. If you feel you can cope i would go for it, but it is a huge decision and not to be entered into lightly, no one would blame you if it doesn't work out.

Offering to have him over Christmas may be a good idea, at least while options are considered.

Is your DSS ok? Is anyone looking out for her?

Definitely get in touch! Even if he doesn’t stay with you it would be good to keep in touch with him whenever he is so he has that blood relative connection.

Oh the poor wee boy this is so sad.

Where will he be for Christmas? Please update us OP after you have called.

Thanks for the kind messages everyone. I've phoned into children's services and have left my details with the duty worker. Should hear back from his allocated worker soon to have a proper chat.

Aw it would be nice to have him here for Christmas, not sure what the current plan is. He only sees his mum twice a week supervised so I don't think he'd be there regardless.

To answer some questions;

I get on better with the step-sis that isn't taking care of him so I'm not sure how other step-sis is doing but she's not coping and has limited support.

Dbro is my half brother- we share a (useless excuse for) a father.

SM drinking problem has been ongoing since my DSS was very little so I really don't see it changing (and I'm horrified that intervention didn't happen sooner given that was 18 years ago)

NACOA (National association for the children of alcoholics) may be able to offer support to them. I am a COA myself, the book Perfect Daughters is also good, I think your stepsis will relate. Good luck with everything.

I would approach SS and explain it to them. He has had so much upheaval in his life but I think he could settle with you long term and start again. I moved a lot as a child (admittedly with my DPs) and I think children settle quite quickly if it is handled well.

I do hope you can have him the poor little chap