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Original poster

Moving out without my boyfriend

43 replies

SandyBunny · 10/12/2020 16:21

I understand this forum is for parents, but I need advice.
I'm 22 and currently living with my parents, I'm at a stage where I want to move out.
Here's the catch... I have a boyfriend, but I don't see us having a future together. I want to buy my own place, but not with him. I can see us being together for a little while longer, but I don't want to settle down with him and be tied into buying a house together. How do I go about buying a house and not including the one who thinks he has a long future with me.
I've spoken to him about moving out and he's all for putting our money together, but I want to get a house just with my own money, no strings attached.

OP posts:
StephenBelafonte · 10/12/2020 16:24

just go ahead and buy your own place

if he sees a long future with you how come he hasn't proposed?

PepsiLola · 10/12/2020 16:24

Tell him outright that you are buying this for yourself as an investment and only your name will be on the deeds.

Or lie a tad and say your parents have requested you only put your names on the deeds, shift the blame.

(Or dump him!) Grin

Littlemissnutcracker · 10/12/2020 16:25

You are very sensible. I bought my own house in my early 20s despite being in a relationship. You don't have to tell him anything yet. But I would feel its a bit mean to not have a conversation with him about the future. You want things to be casual.
It gives him the chance to find what he wants in life.

Chamomileteaplease · 10/12/2020 16:26

Just tell him you feel too young to commit to him by buying property together. That you want to keep the relationship but not live with each other. That's perfectly reasonable Smile.

Just tell him. Don't let him coerce you into anything you don't want to do.

cactuscushion · 10/12/2020 16:26

Do you want to continue dating him to see if it could become more serious and you then would commit to each other? If not it would be kinder to break up with him.

Elfieishere · 10/12/2020 16:27

Dump him Confused

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 10/12/2020 16:33

Tbh I’d break up with him and focus on buying your home

katy1213 · 10/12/2020 16:44

Just tell him straight that you're too young to be getting yourself tied down. But it would be kind to explain that you don't see a future together and not string him along.
And once you've got your own place, beware of cocklodgers getting their feet under your table!

Chloemol · 10/12/2020 16:59

Buy the house on your own and stop using your boyfriend.

You know you don’t have a future with him because that’s what you have decided, he thinks you do, you are just being horrible for stringing him along

WB205020 · 10/12/2020 17:15

Imagine this was a bloke writing this post......he would be lynched but you being a woman get an easy ride! Do the decent thing and end things so he can find someone who appreciates him and actually wants to be with him rather than someone who just uses him, like you are doing!

Dontbeme · 10/12/2020 17:23

What do people think the OP is using the boyfriend for? They are 22, living at home and it is perfectly reasonable to want to have their own home before tying themselves down to a mortgage and housework with some guy they are unsure of. There is no mention of how long they have been dating for either, and how often does someone post on here saying they want marriage but a dp is happy living in a joint home, marriage is just a piece of paper and the advice is always " should have bought the house on your own, no reason for him to marry you now"

Enjoy your youth OP, secure your own future as you want it, if things work with the bf long-term great, if not you have been financially savvy.

NerrSnerr · 10/12/2020 17:26

I can see us being together for a little while longer, but I don't want to settle down with him and be tied into buying a house together.

Leave the poor bloke and let him find some one who wants a future with him.

Aquamarine1029 · 10/12/2020 17:27

Honestly, this is not a difficult situation. You tell him very clearly that you are moving out and you are buying/renting and living alone. Without him. He doesn't have to like it.

Perfect28 · 10/12/2020 17:27

How on earth can you afford to buy a house at 22? Also if you don't see a future with your partner you probably shouldn't be with them at all, you could either be having fun on your own or meeting someone else.

MAK93 · 10/12/2020 17:46

I think it’s unfair to stay with someone you don’t see a future with, just for convenience.

It’s very selfish 🤷🏻‍♀️

Especially as he’s up for buying a house together, that’s a big step!

Well done for being in the position you are. Break up with your boyfriend & buy a house.

Bunnymumy · 10/12/2020 17:48

Just tell him you want to love on your own for a bit be ause you want your own space so you're buying this one for yourself.

Bunnymumy · 10/12/2020 17:48

*live

Aprilx · 10/12/2020 17:53

I can understand that you may feel too young to settle down yet, but if you already know that you will never settle down with this person, it seems mean to string him along. Cut him free, buy your property, start a new chapter.

Meowchickameowmeow · 10/12/2020 17:58

You need to tell him honestly that you don't want to be with him, why are you stringing him along when you know he thinks there's a future in it. God, that's awful.

BluebellsGreenbells · 10/12/2020 18:00

What do people think the OP is using the boyfriend for?

Because she doesn’t think this is a long term relationship and it’s unfair to him?

user1481840227 · 10/12/2020 18:03

What do people think the OP is using the boyfriend for?

Because she said that she can see them being together for a little while longer. She should end the relationship if that's how she feels.
More than likely he will be aware that she's not as into it as he is which unfortunately often has the effect of making the person feel even more attached to you! so she should do the right thing and end it!

KickingBishopBrennanUpTheArrse · 10/12/2020 18:10

Be honest. Buy your own place and explain to him that it's just for you and you don't want to commit to joint finances because you don't see the relationship becoming more serious or long term.

Agree with poster above - prepare for cocklodgers to surface once you have your own place. Never let anyone get their name on any of your bills or mortgage.

museumum · 10/12/2020 18:15

This is one of the reasons people rent. I rented all through my 20s because I wasn’t sure where I wanted to settle and with whom. I wasn’t ready to buy till I was 29 even if I had had the money.

If you buy just for you will your bf move in? Will he visit? How often is he allows to say over?

wimhoffbreather · 10/12/2020 18:15

Just tell him the truth - you’re too young to be making a financial commitment like this and you want to buy on your own for now.

Do you actually see yourself staying with him? 22 is a great time to be single Grin

Barmyfarmy · 10/12/2020 18:15

End things with him and stop cruelly stringing him along. Buy your own home and keep it in your name.