Dp and I have been together for almost 2 years. Don't live together and semi long distance as he his based in London for work at the moment. He has a stressful job and is quite senior in the company we both work for where as I am essentially lowest of the low in terms of pecking order. This is relevant for later (apologies its long)
Dp is mostly lovely. But he has horrific moods. If he is having a hard time at work, like now, he will find reason to pick a fight with me. If I argue back at him he will ghost me for days and then gaslight to try. He has told me before if he is in that mood to just leave him be, so when it happened recently and he was goading for a row I just told him inwasnt going to argue and I would leave him be til he was ready to talk me. Apparently made me uncaring and a cow and he went off the deep end at me.
Jump to yesterday, he was in a foul mood after someone at work called him a liar and tried to get out of a bollocking by blaming dp. Person is significantly lower grade than dp and had no evidence, he was just trying to get himself out of the shit. Dp was massively pissed off and then starting getting narky with me on the phone because I don't know what I want for Christmas.
So, as a pretty lowly position at work I earn a pretty meagre salary. Dp is on around 50k I think. We don't live together so I have no idea but based on some jobs he showed me when he was job hunting before covid I reckon its around this Mark. He cam afford fancy things, posh brands etc. I can't. I live modestly, I drive a cheap car, have a small house that until I received an inheritance was furnished with second hand of gifted furniture. I buy my clothes from ebay, shoes are usually primark ballet pumps at £3-4 a go. I don't drink or smok and I don't wear perfume.
Dp outrightly stated he doesn't want to have to go shopping so unless he cam get what I want on amazon he doesn't know what to buy me. Told me I needed to decide what I wanted and give him some ideas as he didn't want to buy something I wouldn't like.
Sat last night and had a look round the house, my clothes etc and honestly there isn't anything I want or need. Tried in a very clumsy manner to.explain that I didn't want him wasting his money on a panic buy and I'd rather have nothing and just spend some proper quality time just me and him.
I asked him if that made me a bitch. Apparently, yes it does and now he is ghosting me again.
I am so hurt. I didn't mean to.uoset him. I had an accident on Friday and have been in excruciating pain ever since. I haven't slept more than 2 hours a night, I feel horrific but I am at work full time, dd is a handful as she is excited for Christmas.
I admit the way i phrased things was clumsy and not ideal. But I was trying to explain that I don't need him to buy me anything and actually time spent just me and him was what I wanted. And now it seems he is angry and bitter and not speaking to me.
For full disclosure his dm died on Xmas eve about 15 years ago do Xmas is a crap time for him. His birthday is end of Dec and last year his mum's cat had to be pts and the last one of hers is poorly and looks to also have to be pts this year.
My head says he is struggling with the stress and emotion and just lashing out and i should just ignore it. However my heart is breaking and I'm not sure how much more of this ridiculously childish behaviour I can take.