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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Question for mumsnet men....

64 replies

Doddlebug2000 · 09/12/2020 16:50

Men out there please can you shed me some light on this issue.

It's social media and men liking and/or then physically 'liking' other women's photos.
Explain this to me please. Is it innocent and can you put this in a simple way for me to understand?

I get so jealous about my own bf looking at Instagram women and he doesn't ever press the like button. I've just by chance come across this pic of a blonde big titted woman who lives local to me, and my BIL who is the most gentlemanly, family man, besotted with my SIL has liked her photo.
Please break it down for me.
To me a like on a photo like that means 'I would' and it's to let her know you have noticed it and you like what you see.
Tell me if I'm over thinking this whole nonsense and is it innocent and meaningless?
Thanks

OP posts:
Misandrylovescompany · 10/12/2020 12:08

@OohImBlindedByTheLights that’s feeds. I’m talking about search (when you tap the magnifying glass icon). When I’m scrolling through search I find that Insta keeps trying to show me half naked women posing seductively in a variety of supposedly relevant contexts (sailing etc). Does he not get that? I wonder if there is some kind of ‘sexy lady’ option which I can switch off.

OohImBlindedByTheLights · 10/12/2020 13:03

@Misandrylovescompany nope and again showed that to DH and doesn't show for him.

I think the OP needs to take a step back. It's her BIL and his partners issue. It shouldn't upset her

shivermetimbers77 · 10/12/2020 13:09

Policing what your BIL looks at/likes is very controlling behaviour.

NameChange9824 · 10/12/2020 13:18

Not a man, but I do "like" photos of both men and women and it never occurred to me that that was a "I wanna fuck you" thing. I just thought it meant "you look nice/hope this is a confidence boost". Equally, I put up pics of me - mostly to show if I have a new haircut or new glasses but sometimes a dress or something.

I think it's kind of ick that so many posters here seem to think women should wear some kind of niqab and taking pride or joy in one's appearance is the same as a sexual invitation to all. If this is also how the men in your life read those pics then you know some sleazy scumbags and policing what they "like" on social media won't change that.

BillMasen · 10/12/2020 13:25

Slight tangent but back when I was married, so probably 2005 ish, my wife once noticed the barman in the pub we were in was good looking (tbf he was) and proceeded to take a sneaky photo of him to send to her friend to show her.

Did my self esteem wonders...

FifteenToes · 10/12/2020 16:09

Let's be honest here, why else would a man even be on Instagram apart from ogling at women?

Yes, because it's not like there are any more explicit ogling opportunities available anywhere on the internet.

User158340 · 10/12/2020 17:10

@FifteenToes

Let's be honest here, why else would a man even be on Instagram apart from ogling at women?

Yes, because it's not like there are any more explicit ogling opportunities available anywhere on the internet.

Well most men aren't going to watch porn in public, but they can browse through Instagram models on the train or on their break in work.
OohImBlindedByTheLights · 10/12/2020 17:16

Ok here's a thought! Do you crack up when YOUR partner is watching a film with you and there's a sex scene in it and the gorgeous girls boobs are shown! Do you turn the tv off? Or what if you're on holiday and a stunning girl -
Mid 20s with her boobs still perky walks past your partner because she's going to the bar, do you move your seat? 🤨🤨

Some people need to get a grip! Christ, if my boobs were still perky I'd be chuffed! I will admire a pretty girl and think nothing of it!

firesong · 10/12/2020 17:47

I'm a woman, but if my partner "likes" female friend's pic that's ok to me. Not if he wrote something too admiring though! It's not even jealousy that's the problem, I feel that I look like a dick to everyone if my partner is writing how gorgeous other women are. Embarrassing, somehow.

But if you mean that he's just looking at random local women online and liking all their pics, yeah, seems gross to me, and desperate.

Comtesse · 10/12/2020 18:43

If I like a picture of a cake someone made it doesn’t mean that I want to eat it, I think it looks nice. If I like a picture of a plus size blogger in lingerie then it doesn’t mean that I want to sleep with her, but i like her style or appreciate her approach. If a mummy influencer posts something interesting about flex working, liking that post means I find it interesting. I think a “like” means something very different to you I guess....

JoshLymanIsHotterThanSam · 11/12/2020 15:51

@NameChange9824

Not a man, but I do "like" photos of both men and women and it never occurred to me that that was a "I wanna fuck you" thing. I just thought it meant "you look nice/hope this is a confidence boost". Equally, I put up pics of me - mostly to show if I have a new haircut or new glasses but sometimes a dress or something.

I think it's kind of ick that so many posters here seem to think women should wear some kind of niqab and taking pride or joy in one's appearance is the same as a sexual invitation to all. If this is also how the men in your life read those pics then you know some sleazy scumbags and policing what they "like" on social media won't change that.

Oh my god I was beginning to think I was the only one who didn’t see an issue with it. But you hit the nail on the head.

OP I’ll reiterate....I think it’s a self esteem issue. Or all the men in your life have been cheating arses and I can see why you might jump to the conclusion that a like means I want to fuck you.

In the real world it does not mean that.

BigFatLiar · 11/12/2020 16:09

OH doesn't really do SM much but he tends to 'like' pictures of steam engines and various mechanical devices (never though he'd be wanting to do anything sexual with them). Instagram style pictures that come along are seen more as a nuisance. He does 'like' some pictures of people, tends to people we know, he was under the impression it was the norm. However mostly unless its hobby type things SM is left to me as he can't be bothered.

Isitsixoclockalready · 11/12/2020 16:29

Every woman is different. What their partner should be aware of is what is acceptable to them, what their red lines are, what would be offensive and disrespectful to them and honour that.

maudspellbody · 11/12/2020 16:34

When it boils down to it, all social media is attention seeking of some kind.

I don't do Insta because I never caught onto it, so it may be different, but every part of an interaction on Facebook, for instance, is a form of attention seeking. There is nothing wrong with that at all, by the way. I like sharing in people's lives that way and seeing what they are up to.

So I 'like' pictures my friends post of things they have achieved 'here's me up a mountain', 'here's a cake I made' and the 'like' in that case is appreciation of the thing they have accomplished or because they took a good picture, or their DC looks adorable...etc.

Sometimes it is 'here is a bunch of us all dressed up on a night out' and I might post something about how good they are all looking and how they look like they had fun.

What I find more problematic are the selfie posers. Especially when dressed with tits out and a duck face - Because I wonder what they are wanting the attention for. It isn't usually documenting a day/evening out or showing off something they've done. It is 'here is me!' and it seems most likely that the attention that are after is: 'tell me how hot I look'

In that case, a 'like' is affirming that. 'Yes. You look hot'

And I might do that for a female friend if I thought they were posting because they were feeling insecure and wanted that sort of validation...

But what does it say about the random (or vague acquaintance) man who 'likes' it. It does suggest (to me) 'yes. You look hot' - and will be read by the poster that way too, if that's the validation they were after.

That was rambly and probably made no sense. I'm also single, so haven't had the problem with a DP liking any women's selfie's. I'm not sure I'd love it, though - for the reason I've badly described...

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