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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Question for mumsnet men....

64 replies

Doddlebug2000 · 09/12/2020 16:50

Men out there please can you shed me some light on this issue.

It's social media and men liking and/or then physically 'liking' other women's photos.
Explain this to me please. Is it innocent and can you put this in a simple way for me to understand?

I get so jealous about my own bf looking at Instagram women and he doesn't ever press the like button. I've just by chance come across this pic of a blonde big titted woman who lives local to me, and my BIL who is the most gentlemanly, family man, besotted with my SIL has liked her photo.
Please break it down for me.
To me a like on a photo like that means 'I would' and it's to let her know you have noticed it and you like what you see.
Tell me if I'm over thinking this whole nonsense and is it innocent and meaningless?
Thanks

OP posts:
Timeflyin · 09/12/2020 17:45

Definitely @Sandals19 we are expected to like it or lump it really aren't we because let's face it it's everywhere. Even a standard film tends to cater for the male gaze

Timeflyin · 09/12/2020 17:47

@Doddlebug2000

It's a shame I don't like looking at half naked strangers!! Might just scroll through some giant cock pics next time I'm with my bf and tell him it means nothing and it's just something I enjoy to do 😂😂
😁 and that pressing the like button was showing your appreciation for the artful photography..obviously
Original poster
Doddlebug2000 · 09/12/2020 17:48

I dispair for my 2 daughters in the future

For me it's on a par with flirting with someone else infront of your partner

OP posts:
Original poster
Doddlebug2000 · 09/12/2020 17:49

Yes @Timeflyin the beautifully placed ball angle caught my eye

OP posts:
TwentyViginti · 09/12/2020 17:54

@QueenOfPain

I hear you OP.

It’s quite startling to realise that even the men you respect and hold as above all that and respectful of women, are still just pathetic single celled penises when it all comes down to it. The most blatant thirst trap photos and they’re pitching a tent and demonstrating that to the world so readily.

Beautifully and succinctley put!
picklemewalnuts · 09/12/2020 18:11

Are you going to ask your gentlemanly BiL, in front of your DSis, what he's thinking when he does it? Or will you take him to one side, tell him it's really sleazy and everyone can see it?

QueenOfPain · 09/12/2020 18:26

It’s the lack of sophistication in it as well. It’s always the most overt and obvious demonstration of female sexuality that they seem to be ogling. No sophistication or intrigue in it

Just read my own comment back and made myself cringe. Women don’t have a duty to display or disguise their sexuality in any particular way, tasteful or not. Sorry about that.

Original poster
Doddlebug2000 · 09/12/2020 18:31

@picklemewalnuts probably won't do either, do I think a little less of him though.... Maybe!

OP posts:
BillMasen · 09/12/2020 18:55

I’m a man. I don’t like random women’s pics.

Can’t say what he means by it as we’re not all the same but I think you know him best so if you find it upsetting, it’s upsetting and you should tell him.

I don’t think I’d pull my partner up if she liked male model pics though.

Etulosba · 09/12/2020 20:29

I don’t think I’d pull my partner up if she liked male model pics though.

I wouldn't.

I can't comment on what men in general would do as I've never been on Instagram and I don't know any other men that have admitted that they do.

OoohTheStatsDontLie · 09/12/2020 20:42

I think it's ok if you know the person and you would pay them a compliment in real life. I tell people when I think they look nice. Men and women.

I think it's different if it's a semi naked type person / pose that's obviously trying to be 'sexy' and someone likes or comments along those lines or puts fire emojis or something. It's the online equivalent of leering at someone or going up to a random stranger and saying 'you look hot / nice tits'

I think porn has got so widespread that people forget that women who post slightly risque pictures of themselves are actually real people not just nameless faceless bodies asking to be judged

OoohTheStatsDontLie · 09/12/2020 20:44

I also think its different if it's a professional model who does this for a living and they are unlikely to meet, to a friend of a friend who looks hot.

Bookriddle · 09/12/2020 21:26

Im a bloke, i have facebook and thats it, i dont like anything on facebook not even funny video's!

My wife on the other hand has facebook and Instagram and likes alot of stuff on both, doesnt bother me in the slightest

user1471565182 · 09/12/2020 21:50

Get some posters up of some top class schlong all around your house and see how he feels OP. Its pathetic. He wants to fuck them and wants to get their attention.

Original poster
Doddlebug2000 · 09/12/2020 22:40

@user1471565182 I plan to if he is lying beside me looking through women again!
And even though I've told him size doesn't matter to women, I'll be sure to get the biggest ones I can find just cos they are 'fun to look at' 😂

OP posts:
Kimjong · 09/12/2020 22:59

I wouldn’t have thought the types of men that do this will be spending much time on MN!

FifteenToes · 09/12/2020 23:02

I'm a man but don't have instagram, and glad I don't as I can't comprehend all this stuff about what a like signifies. The only SM I use is facebook. A lot of people seem to like their friends' profile pictures when they change them, it seems just like a way of saying you're keeping in touch and aware of each other. I also often see people like the most inconsequential posts of mine and wonder why.

QueenOfPain pretty much has it though. Most of us are "single celled penises" when it comes down to it and women's hopes that we're "above all that" usually end in disappointment. You can find that out via social media or some other way.

TooTrueToBeGood · 09/12/2020 23:13

I'm a man. I only have actual close friends and family on facebook so would never get pictures of women I don't know very well on my feed. If I "like" a picture it's just a way of saying "hi friend/niece/SiL nice picture". I don't have any women on my feed who are the sort to post gratuitously sexy pics and wouldn't feed their ego if I did - can't be arsed with that sort of "look at me" nonsense. If your BiL knows the woman well and was genuinely just complimenting her on a nice picture fair enough, otherwise he's being a sleaze. Men who routinely like pics of women are just being sleazes. I think the saddest part of it all is that so many men actually think the women in question appreciate their attention. Though TBF I guess it's also quite sad that some women feel the need to fish for ego boosts on their physical appearance. It's all very shallow.

OohImBlindedByTheLights · 09/12/2020 23:38

I follow a few male singers on social media and I tend to like all their posts and pictures. It doesn't mean "offft the things I'd do to you".

I agree with a PP, this sounds more like a self esteem issue which you need to deal with.

My dh really like miley Cyrus's latest music and he's liked a few things on Instagram, again, it doesn't mean he wants her, and to be quite frank, if he DID like her, I very much doubt she will notice his likes and DM him, start a huge love affair and trot into the sunset with her...

Original poster
Doddlebug2000 · 10/12/2020 08:01

Well celebs I get, we all like someone famous.
But sexy Betty round the corner is a different story.
I'm prob thinking too much into this all.
My BIL didn't like a pic of her with her dog or doing a sport, it was a provocative one which is my issue. If that's his friend, cool, but why only the titty one caught his need to press like?

OP posts:
OohImBlindedByTheLights · 10/12/2020 08:11

It's your BIL. It's not your issue to have. If his partner has an issue then that's for them to deal with. I think you're letting this bother you too much

User158340 · 10/12/2020 08:20

Let's be honest here, why else would a man even be on Instagram apart from ogling at women?

Misandrylovescompany · 10/12/2020 08:30

I think some people on this thread don’t appreciate the difference between Facebook and Instagram when it comes to what pics you see.

I am not a man but I have what Insta clearly considers to be ‘male’ interests (sailing, engineering, DIY) and often look at videos and pics of that stuff via the search function. It has been AMAZING to me to realise how quickly half-naked pics of women start appearing in that feed and how hard it is to avoid seeing them. And of course if you just scroll past them, Insta thinks you’re looking at them and serves you more. I would imagine that it is so easy for blokes to get used to it without actively seeking it out. If I search for cookery, art, interiors stuff it just doesn’t happen - it is such a gender-stereotyped experience.

Having said that, I wouldn’t date a man who likes pics of random women on social media. Sleazy.

OohImBlindedByTheLights · 10/12/2020 09:41

out of sheer curiosity, I showed the last post here to my husband and he laughed and showed me his feed and suggested feeds, it's full of travel pics to places we've been to ourselves, a certain car, a random German shepherd dog and loads of games such as mario, Zelda. I did not see one single woman in a state of provocativeness, not that I care to be fair, but you can't tar all men with the same brush.

TheSandman · 10/12/2020 09:51

@BillMasen

I’m a man. I don’t like random women’s pics.

Can’t say what he means by it as we’re not all the same but I think you know him best so if you find it upsetting, it’s upsetting and you should tell him.

I don’t think I’d pull my partner up if she liked male model pics though.

I'm a man and yes, this.

My wife will sometimes comment on the Fwarr!ness of men and it's weird seeing the ones she finds attractive. At some point ( as we've been married for many years I hope this is true) she must have found me attractive - but some of the men she thinks 'lovely' are so far from my own image of myself it is slightly disturbing. I can see the likenesses in the men she 'fancies' but they all seem to incorporate exaggerated amounts of what I consider my own worse features.