What are your thoughts on this guy?!

[CakesRus3]

Online dating is quite difficult (in my opinion) at the best of times. Life as it is, with all the restrictions, makes it more so.
However, I continued to do so. Started chatting to a guy, got on well via messages, exchanged numbers. Unable to meet, however, it was something we talked about when we could. It turns out, he is still married and they're still living together with their 3 children. Split last September and when he finally found a place (around March time), he was unable to move out due to the current situation. I completely understand everyone has a story and reasons for having to stay in the same property. Seperation is difficult for everyone. I'm not sure if I'm imagining it (because of the situation) but something feels strange. He messages alot in the day time (he works from home). He says his wife works in the evening and is still building a career so she is able to stay in the home when he leaves. He says he can't afford both sets of rent (one mortgage). So moving out has been put on hold although it's still the plan. He does the school run and never contacts me until 10pm. I know how busy life is with children. He pre warms me that the weekend is busy (with children) so won't really have time to be in contact. The more I have been chatting to him, the more I think, how is this guy going to date. I know that's difficult too, when you have children, but I have been single a long time and in a position to date but understand our children come first. I also understand it's difficult to find childcare and would expect someone to understand my circumstances so I'm trying to understand his. Am I feeling like something is off because it's just so difficult to date at the moment. Life is so restricted.
He has mentioned meeting twice (in between his meetings. I couldn't the first time as I had an appointment. I asked to meet a little later he said he had to do the school run. Anyway, he has mentioned Friday. First it was 10am then changed to 12. I am not sure if tgere is potential here due to his circumstances (which I know he can't help).

I just think, would you really want to get involved with someone who could be wanting to 'date' in this situation? He's still living with his wife and kids after such a recent split, is he such a cold fish that he could be ready to try and start up something new when he's still so entangled in his 'previous' life? I don't know, it just seems a bit like you're a bit of a happy distraction amongst the real life things..

He doesn’t even have time to text you on weekends? (Impossible.)

Plus you haven’t even met and he’s asking you to understand and wait. Why the hell would you?!

Wasn't moving house still allowed though if you had to? How's he gone from moving house to can't afford it?

Answer - because he's not separated and is a cheating prick.

Thankyou everyone.
I told him lastnight that I thought he should get his self sorted and contact me when he is settled. He said all prices of rent had gone up and he's hoping to be out by February (this was said a few days ago). After reading all these messages, I'm thinking I feel something is off so I'm going with that and it has put me off wanting to meet him anyway.
He has asked if he can call at 8.50 on his way to work to talk properly. I did agree as messaging is difficult. However, I have woken up this morning thinking I'm not going to. I feel a bit silly for being sucked in to it, especially if he is still married.

Of course he's still married.

He has asked if he can call at 8.50 on his way to work to talk properly

ON HIS WAY TO WORK SO HIS WIFE DOESN'T HEAR HIM.

How can you not see through his utter claptrap? He's married AF.

Don't feel sorry, feel happy you dodged a bullet by trusting your gut! I fell for someone in a similar situation but he had already moved out and was shagging me and also shagging his wife he'd separated from, telling her they were getting back together he just needed time and telling me he couldn't wait to move in with me. Men on dating sites can be absolute shits you have to trust yourself not these arseholes

He's totally still married (as in not separated) op.

H'es probably bored and looking for a bit of fun/distraction on the apps but has no intention of actually having a relationship with you or anyone else.

I don't agree that you shouldn't date anyone else until you are divorced as I have been separated 3 years now with absolutely no intention of reconciliation but also in no hurry for the financial and emotional load of divorce right now. I have no intention of re-marrying so really don't see the rush.

I have been in a relationship with my bf for 16 months though and was definitely ready. If someone chose not to date me because I am still legally married then that's fine but this is my choice.

As for speaking properly "on his way to work"...really? Is that the best time to talk about something like this? Is that all he can offer you? You have done the right thing.

Apart from the fact he is either still very much married or actually separated whilst living in the family home, this man is no good for you.
The main point that stands out to me is that you are far too emotionally invested in a man you have never even met.
Imagine meeting him and there is no spark for you whatsoever, that happens a lot.
You sound lovely, I know old is hard, but you need to move on and find someone who is truly single and has the time to devote to building a relationship.
Good luck.

He said all prices of rent had gone up and he's hoping to be out by February
I had a guy of this kind who came up with ever more inventive excuses for why he hadn't moved into his own place. The closest we got was that he had a new place, but the boiler had to be repaired before he could move in. This is several years ago but we have kept in touch occasionally. He's still living at home, presumably still with his wife.

I feel a bit silly for being sucked in to it, especially if he is still married

OP I think you need to reflect a bit on why you are so eager to believe anything but the obvious here, most people would have moved on when he said he was separated but living with his wife still, but you still invested a lot in this man that you have not even met yet. Why are you so quick to charge forward when so many alarm bells were ringing, you need to work a bit on protecting yourself as you seem emotionally vulnerable here. You are setting yourself up for harm.

Theres really nothing to discuss with him. I would assume he wants to call to attempt to spin some nonsense to hook you back.

Yes, you are all right. Thankyou.
Not sure really. I guess the messaging was prolonged due to the situation. Also, not going anywhere, seeing people as much, it was nice to chat. He was actually quite lovely. Maybe I have been a little naive here. I was feeling that something was off. I'm glad I posted.

Good on you for listening to your gut op.

I was chatting to someone in the same situation (separated but still living in the same house with the ex and 3 children). So many people told me to run and not look back. He used to message during the day, occasionally in the evenings and early mornings but mostly during the day and after 9 at night. His messages slowed right down during lockdown 2 my guess as he wasn't out at the gym/playing football so couldn't get away with messaging as much. His issues are even worse as the ex is also really ill.

I would say avoid, it messed with my head. I had no problem with still living in the same house or the fact he had children. He wasn't ready and I got over invested and it really hurt when he said he was taking a break as he needed to sort his head out.

've said all along if he came back to me and says he has sorted himself out then I might consider seeing where it went but I would need to see he is sorted first. We had a bit of a heart to heart and he knows I'll be here if he needs me as a friend. In the meantime I am still looking as I might meet someone uncomplicated who I really click with.

He was actually quite lovely

Anyone can be quite lovely via messaging. Especially married men looking for a sidepiece with her own place.

Quite lovely men don't message other woman behind their wife's back. Does she know about you?

Even if he's telling the truth and they are separated, I would be VERY wary of a man that is keen to immediately jump into online dating!! He is probably using you to take his mind of his (possible) bad home situation. Let us know if you talk to him/.

The guy I was dating, who never moved out, was also lovely. Great fun to be with. It was just what I needed after the end of my marriage - I was so busy having fun it took me ages to twig! But there were a couple of "rabbit tube feed" moments too. When I said I wasn't interested any more he was oddly OK with it... almost as if he hadn't meant any of the lovey-dovey stuff 😂 - fortunately I'd never been that serious! Part of the reason I kept in touch was to see what else he got up to. He's still at it - regularly gets a new gf, then they mysteriously vanish after a while.

No, just no.
Cocklodger waiting for you to provide sex, house, food. Forget it.

Yeh op the thought crossed my mind yop that he may be looking for a new woman to move in with before he leaves his wife.

Before you know it it might be 'oh wouldnt it be so convenient if we lived together'.

*mind too

He wants to call you then because his wife won't be around. Don't let him call you and talk you round.

Goodness. He is very, very clearly 100 percent still married with no intention of separation. The story about not texting at weekends is absolutely ludicrous.

You're the online other woman, RUN!

Even if he's not still married he's not in a position or any kind of relationship. You can't go round there and the waters are just too muddy.

I was in a similar situation and walked away.

Many months later the guy got in touch ... once he had moved out and moved on.

Things are great now. I think it would have been a disaster if we got together when he was still living with his wife.