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Original poster

Was I bragging or was he cutting me down?

49 replies

LadyWaiting · 08/12/2020 13:21

So I've been dating a guy who I met online. I've decided since for multiple reasons that he's not relationship material but this one conversation is still bothering me and annoying me - mainly because I hate boasting of any kind but also because it felt very familiar to me. In a previous abusive relationship my ex kept taking me down at any opportunity e.g. when I made an effort with clothes and makeup for work he would say 'oh you're only dressing up for the men' and that sort of stuff.

Anyway, the scene is, we're out watching a football match and he is waffling on about Chelsea. I have no interest in football, but if I was to support a football team it is West Ham and certainly not Chelsea. That's for a whole other argument.

This was our second date after a few weeks chatting on the phone for hours during lockdown.

During the conversation about Chelsea and all that they had won, I said 'I won the All Irelands twice for dancing'.

He then replies 'You mean YOU won it on your own or you were part of a team?' I clarified that I was part of a team. He then went on to say 'Oh well, that's like me saying I won when it was my team who won'.

Now, God forgive me but the stupid cunt has won fuck all in his life I imagine, but was I boasting, or was I wrong to say that I won the All Ireland's twice or was he being a cNUT?

Before you start on me, I will never mention it again in my life to anyone as I'm now embarrassed but that's not really the point. If he had said, 'I won something or another twice', I wouldn't put him down for only being part of a team who won it.

OP posts:
VimFuego101 · 08/12/2020 13:23

I don't really understand the connection between the football and a dance contest. He sounds like a knob though, it must be like stepping on eggshells talking to him if he's like that all the time.

Anordinarymum · 08/12/2020 13:25

Maybe you are being a bit oversensitive. Maybe he is also a twat. Only you will know really

FPS123 · 08/12/2020 13:27

The fact your second date was a football match when you have no interest in football tells me he’s pretty self absorbed.
I don’t think you were bragging. He was being pedantic. He could just have clarified - “on your own or as part of a team? Wow, that’s brilliant!”

YoniAndGuy · 08/12/2020 13:29

Knob!

'No, that would be like you saying you won when it was your team that won and you were playing as part of it, wouldn't it? Which I presume you never have - ?'

There's no reason you shouldn't have brought that up in conversation? The automatic response to that from a non-insecure-twat would be 'Really?! Wow do you still dance? What did you win? blah blah...

Don't bother talking to this one again.

YoniAndGuy · 08/12/2020 13:30

BUT it's great when they reveal their twattiness so early on.

Original poster
LadyWaiting · 08/12/2020 13:30

I was a bit bored I guess listening to everything Chelsea had won and wanted to change the subject I suppose. I don't know where it came out of. One of those utterances you live to regret, but I still think it was a sign of things I now recognise as being abusive in relationships. I'll keep my mouth shut for sure from now on, but I don't think that I should feel embarrassed about something that I've achieved by someone denigrating it. I don't know why, but it's really bothering me as I can't figure out whether I was being a bore or he was being an arsehole.

OP posts:
Original poster
LadyWaiting · 08/12/2020 13:32

Yes, he is entirely self-absorbed so that's one of the reasons I won't be seeing him again. Everything was on his terms, so I won't be going in for that shite again.

OP posts:
Spitoutthebauble · 08/12/2020 13:32

No, that is a huge achievement, well done you! If you were wearing your winners t-shirt out on the date and this information was first line of your bio, perhaps too much, but we flipping well hear a lot about men’s sporting triumphs (in that men’s sport is much higher profile and followed by men and women). Eg I know who was in the Ireland rugby team in my town as dont we all, but I doubt anyone knows or cares that i have some record breaking times from uni and some amazing national medals in my sport. Feck him off!

Ps was it Irish dancing?! Dancing of all kinds seems to be incredibly high standard and gruelling when competitive so WELL DONE YOU.

Newgirls · 08/12/2020 13:32

On a fun date you could have mentioned the dancing and it would all be part of getting to know each other but he was in football mode and wasn’t that focused on you. Wrong man for you.

seensome · 08/12/2020 13:32

He's kind of right but wasn't happy for you regardless and trying to bring you down, you know this from your past relationship so be wary if you stick around for another date if he tries these sort of put down comments then don't carry on with him.
He's being an arsehole anyone else would clarify that you were in a team and think it was a great achievement.

Smallsteps88 · 08/12/2020 13:33

He cut you down. Absolutely.

If someone said to me they had won the All Irelands I would respond with “wow! Really? When was this?” And ask them what they had to do and loads of other stuff about it.

Spitoutthebauble · 08/12/2020 13:34

Why the hell should you never mention it again! I’m sure many men would be delighted to have a champion dancer as a date! You don’t need to go on about it but def don’t let him now make you feel like you have to repress it!

Spitoutthebauble · 08/12/2020 13:34

@Smallsteps88

He cut you down. Absolutely.

If someone said to me they had won the All Irelands I would respond with “wow! Really? When was this?” And ask them what they had to do and loads of other stuff about it.

THIS. Because SmallStep is clearly a nice, sane person.
Splann · 08/12/2020 13:35

He sounds a real numb nuts. Unless he actually plays for his team it’s nothing like the same thing. He clearly isn’t interested in you or your achievements so you need to forget, ignore and block as he isn’t the partner for you. There will be someone out there who will be pleased and proud that you won dance awards.

CatherinedeBourgh · 08/12/2020 13:36

If you danced, you won. I woauld probably have said we rather than I, but no big.

Congrats btw, that is very cool.

Notapheasantplucker · 08/12/2020 13:37

'Now, God forgive me but the stupid cunt has won fuck all in his life crying Grin that's probably why he said it, cos' he's jealous.

No, you shouldn't feel embarrassed by it at all, you should be proud. And yeah he's an arsehole.

unmarkedbythat · 08/12/2020 13:41

ex kept taking me down at any opportunity e.g. when I made an effort with clothes and makeup for work he would say 'oh you're only dressing up for the men' and that sort of stuff

I hate alm variations of this. People telling you why you're dressing a certain way. Plenty of it on mn too, an assumption that if you fancy going dress, heels, push up bra and makeup you're some silly tart desperate to please men. Just watch arrogance.

Anyway, it does seem a little braggy to me, but so what? It's a cool achievement, why shouldn't you have a little brag once in a while with someone who is supposed to appreciate and like you? He was being a git there. If my partner told me they'd once win something like that I'd be bugging them to show me and telling people I was with a real life dance champion, not being snide about it.

unmarkedbythat · 08/12/2020 13:41

Sorry. Typo central there Blush.

Original poster
LadyWaiting · 08/12/2020 13:42

If he was Frank Lampard, I'd get his point, but I don't know, it just felt like an insult rather than normal conversation. I've had so much of that in a previous relationship so I am probably hypersensitive but I think I'm better off not putting myself down and agreeing with him, than accepting that he was correct to say that. Little things can affect me deeply like for e.g. I've now learned never to mention that achievement again.

OP posts:
Original poster
LadyWaiting · 08/12/2020 13:45

Well apart from to you lot - yes - it was in Set Dancing in the Fleadh. Tbh at the time it meant nothing to me as I also competed in solo dancing and was pretty shite (never qualified for the Worlds for e.g.), so was pretty blasé about it at the time and it's only recently that I've realised - you know what - I've got two All-Ireland medals and not everyone has that. Oh well. One of those private little achievements I guess. Might just update my CV and stick it on there haha.

OP posts:
JurassicParkAha · 08/12/2020 13:50

Now, God forgive me but the stupid cunt has won fuck all in his life

Ahahahaha, this made me snort coffee out. He sounds utterly tedious (and I love football) and lacking in social skills. Winning ANYTHING is an achievment and he should have ooh-ed and aah-ed like you'd discovered the cure for cancer. Not become a grammar pedant.

As an aside, I think that your win is very impressive, and also quite cool. DEFINITELY mention it more, and a normal, nice man will give you the appropriate kudos. Don't let fucktards dull your shine!

Original poster
LadyWaiting · 08/12/2020 13:51

Lol, you've all been very kind. I guess it's my own self confidence I need to work on - not his.

OP posts:
Meowchickameowmeow · 08/12/2020 13:53

I've now learned never to mention that achievement again

Don't let that jumped up little shit stop you from mentioning it, don't give him that amount of power in your life. He's gone but your achievement hasn't.

Butterymuffin · 08/12/2020 13:56

Any normal person would have just said 'wow, that's great!' because winning something, whether solo or as part of a team, is an achievement! With hindsight I would have wanted to say both 'oh, I didn't realise you actually PLAYED for Chelsea!' and 'why did you feel you needed to point that out?' But you've already realised he's one to throw back. He wanted someone who was content to not talk about themselves and to be put in their place if they ever tried. Next!

HollowTalk · 08/12/2020 14:00

Ugh he's awful. He was definitely trying to drag you down to his level. Dump.