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Relationships

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Original poster

Was I bragging or was he cutting me down?

49 replies

LadyWaiting · 08/12/2020 13:21

So I've been dating a guy who I met online. I've decided since for multiple reasons that he's not relationship material but this one conversation is still bothering me and annoying me - mainly because I hate boasting of any kind but also because it felt very familiar to me. In a previous abusive relationship my ex kept taking me down at any opportunity e.g. when I made an effort with clothes and makeup for work he would say 'oh you're only dressing up for the men' and that sort of stuff.

Anyway, the scene is, we're out watching a football match and he is waffling on about Chelsea. I have no interest in football, but if I was to support a football team it is West Ham and certainly not Chelsea. That's for a whole other argument.

This was our second date after a few weeks chatting on the phone for hours during lockdown.

During the conversation about Chelsea and all that they had won, I said 'I won the All Irelands twice for dancing'.

He then replies 'You mean YOU won it on your own or you were part of a team?' I clarified that I was part of a team. He then went on to say 'Oh well, that's like me saying I won when it was my team who won'.

Now, God forgive me but the stupid cunt has won fuck all in his life I imagine, but was I boasting, or was I wrong to say that I won the All Ireland's twice or was he being a cNUT?

Before you start on me, I will never mention it again in my life to anyone as I'm now embarrassed but that's not really the point. If he had said, 'I won something or another twice', I wouldn't put him down for only being part of a team who won it.

OP posts:

Original poster

LadyWaiting · 08/12/2020 14:00

A jumped up jackass as we'd call him in Ireland lol!

You'd swear he had played on the Chelsea TEAM himself.

I do actually realise how big of an achievement it was now as my daughter gets through to the All Irelands (on a team) but never gets placed in the actual thing. The standard is unreal. Best keep it under me hat!

OP posts:

Spudlet · 08/12/2020 14:07

Ditch him.

notquitealonealone · 08/12/2020 14:08

Don't keep this to yourself in future because plenty of men on second dates with you would love to hear more about that, because its something about you that you are proud of.

That is what is normal.

What is not normal is someone on a second date (or any date) shutting you down in that way.

You've got rid, now forget the stupid ignorant twat. Good job you found this out early on I'd say.
And never feel afraid to mention anything you've achieved and are proud of, ever. Because anyone worth their salt who is interested in you would love to hear about it.

Original poster

LadyWaiting · 08/12/2020 14:15

Yes, that's what I'm allergic to. People instantly wanting to put you in your place rather than big you up. I would always be interested in someone's achievements. As I get older, I know that it's in my past and perhaps it's a mid-life crisis where I need to remind myself of what I was once capable of, but I need to be proud of my achievements myself, without needing external validation. He was totally selfish and we were entirely incompatible in bed - he is circumcised, older than me and literally had a huge knob-head as well as being a huge knob head. He also appeared to have a gambling habit as was obsessed with football scores as he always had a bet on the games. Constantly checking his phone to see what results were and that sort of stuff. Anyway, not for me.

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Original poster

LadyWaiting · 08/12/2020 14:20

By the way, I'm not an expert on circumcised penises, but bloody hell, it's not normal. I know it is in America and stuff, but I'm off the island lol, so we're not used to such exotic things!! For a separate thread perhaps, but does it make the 'head' sort of swell up to be bigger? In any case, he couldn't cum and I don't have the patience for horizontal gymnastics for an hour either, so that was that!

OP posts:

HollowTalk · 08/12/2020 14:48

Oh blimey, I would have to say something about that in my dumping message!

CorianderQueen · 08/12/2020 14:59

He was being rude - you don't tell the olympic teams they didn't win bc they were in a team.by that logic no Chelsea player has ever won a single match.

Also, taking you to football when you have no interest is a bit weird.

zenasfuck · 08/12/2020 15:03

Hello @LadyWaiting , fellow Irish dancer here 👋👋

WellIWasInTheNeighbourhoo · 08/12/2020 15:12

Negging, yawn, cant believe men would try that on someone over the age of 18.

GreenlandTheMovie · 08/12/2020 16:40

He doesn't sound interested in you. Typical man from OLD really.

Aprilx · 08/12/2020 17:08

I don’t see why you should never mention it again, but I think bringing it up when you did is slightly odd. It would be perfectly reasonable to mention it whilst discussing your hobbies past and present though. I think I would have said “we” rather than “I” had I been involved in winning a team event, but there was no need for him to go on about it like that, especially on a second date when most people are trying to make a good impression.

caringcarer · 09/12/2020 00:43

You still had to.br good enough to get into the team in the first place. He doesn't sound like good relationship material to me. He really knows how to show a girl a good time taking her to the footie.

Grimsknee · 09/12/2020 02:01

OP - what he did (and what you experienced in your previous relationship) is called "negging". It's a red flag, run a mile from it.

And well done you - from someone with 2 left feet - be proud of your win!

CrotchBurn · 09/12/2020 05:39

This reminds me of the time I entered a playwriting competition held by my city's big theatre. The prize was the play would be put on.

I told the complete fuckwit I was dating at the time about how I was writing this play to enter into the competition.

He looked me up and down and said: "Well you're not going to win obviously, you've never written a play before".

I won.

Divebar · 09/12/2020 05:56

Skimming through the thread I chanced upon a comment about circumcised penises and naturally assumed someone had posted on the wrong thread. From Irish dancing to that!!!! Lol.
The fact that he was proudly stating Chelsea’s bloody trophy wins like he was part of the winning formula makes me laugh. (I personally prefer circumcised men but not boring football types )

BitOfFun · 09/12/2020 06:07

He had a huge knob-head as well as being a huge knob head.

Vs.

Now, God forgive me but the stupid cunt has won fuck all in his life

Hmm, now which do I like best? Difficult one...

CattyP89 · 09/12/2020 06:08

I get why you’d mention it Chelsea won cups you won a dance contest it’s related I wouldn’t worry man sounds like a knob and had a relationship blossomed he’d probably be a very self centred unsupportive idiot. I’m sorry you’ve hard hard relationships in the past Learn to love yourself you don’t need validation from anyone just put it to down to experience and forget him not all men are like that and once you find the man who can appreciate your dancing talent you know your onto a winner

Muckish · 09/12/2020 06:18

The only appropriate response to someone winning the set-dancing All-Irelands is to express admiration and then fall into a reminiscence of doing the Siege of Ennis at Irish college and kissing a sweaty boy from Clonmel.

OccultGnuAsWell · 09/12/2020 06:34

Muckish - I don't get all the references but that there is pure poetry.

Wiredforsound · 09/12/2020 06:47

You mention that achievement all you want, and wear the medals too. I can’t remember the last time anyone got a medal for watching football. Don’t let him try to hide your light.

Muckish · 09/12/2020 07:01

@OccultGnuAsWell

Muckish - I don't get all the references but that there is pure poetry.

A lot of Irish teenagers are sent to Gaeltacht (Irish-speaking) areas in the summers to improve their Irish. A lot of set-dancing happens (the Siege of Ennis is a simple dance) and there’s a lot of sweaty snogging around the back.

Original poster

LadyWaiting · 09/12/2020 07:32

Haha, I never got to go to the Gaeltacht unfortunately! Would love an auld céili now though.

Here's the siege of Ennis - used to be fairly common at Irish weddings in 80's or so, though it's a long time since I've been at a wedding.

If you can do a Jump-two-three (or just walk and swing someone around), then you can join in the siege of Ennis.

This is the dance we danced (this was not us)
I still remember our dancing teacher roaring LINES, ARMS, SQUARE at us when we were practicing. She was one scary lady, but I suppose you need that level of precision at All Ireland level.

I've been to a few fleadhs in recent years and there are some teams from Kerry who are outstanding - honestly, I've never seen footage of us dancing, but I think the standard is possibly a lot higher these days. The costumes are very elaborate now too - getting more like Irish Dancing costumes, rather than the heinous flared green skirts we had to wear!

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samG76 · 09/12/2020 08:38

Ironically, one of the Chelsea fans' most popular ditty's goes "I've got a foreskin, haven't you?" - presumably he didn't join in that one!

Original poster

LadyWaiting · 09/12/2020 09:40

allsamG76 Hahahaha, that's not one he told me about!!

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