Is it always a bad idea to contact an ex boyfriend?

[sharonJJ55]

So I saw my ex boyfriend of 3 years (split in 2015) on a dating app. I feel regretful of how I was in this relationship (although not solely to blame for the breakup) and have learnt a lot from it about how to do things differently. He was my one true love and I'd love to have contact with him again. We haven't spoken in about 3 years (both were in relationships). Shall I do what my heart says and make contact but risk getting blanked?

If it was such a bad breakup (or he cared so little for you) that you didnt even remain friends, with someone you consider the love of your life - then it would be ridiculous to contact him now.

Leave it be op. You were not right for eachother.

Yes it is a bad idea.

@Bunnymumy I see what you're saying but I think a lot of couples love each other then break up and don't remain in contact. It wouldnt be right to stay in contact if you get into another relationship. I just feel like we've both probably matured, learnt and got wise now

I don't think strangers would be the best judge in this situation. I'm inclined to say no, based on you still having hopes and whistful feelings about him. Only you know the circumstances, but don't expect you will be able to start things up again.

Yeah I suppose outa respect for the new partner.

Hmm, I kinda think if he wanted to try again though op, he would probably have suggested it by now. If he is newly single, give him some time, you dont want to risk being the rebound. If he is interested, he will contact you further down the line.

But I wouldn't get involved atm. Christmas time tends to make us all a bit sentimental. See how you feel a bit into the new year at least.

I wouldn't say it's always a bad idea - my ex and I got in touch years after we broke up and now we've been married for 15 years so it can definitely work. I think it depends on the reason you split - we were young and immature (him particularly - he'd be the first to say that) but we've grown up and we are so happy to have ou.d each other again.

I got back together with my ex, now happily married nearly 10 years so it can work.

I think you need to make sure you think about it and go about it the right way. What didn't work last time and why would it be different this time? For me oddly I went to them saying we'd probably argue more! I used to keep everything bottled up which lead to bigger problems in the long run.

It's easy to over-romanticise passed relationships, make sure you think it through and really think about what it was like before you do anything.

I'm not sure about the notion that he would have contacted me because I would love to contact him again but he wouldn't know that since I haven't made contact yet either. I'm not sure he's newly single...I haven't seen him on the dating apps before but he is abroad with work a lot

You’re not helping yourself with the ‘one true love’ stuff!

Much depends on how he treated you in the relationship and why you broke up. Risks of hurt feelings if he rejects you or you start something and he then ends it now. Also any factors that could affect a new relationship with him now - eg geography. Why start dating someone who still works abroad lots?

He was my one true love

Nope. Not even close. If this were true you'd still be with him. You're sounding like a silly school girl. Leave him in the past where he belongs.

@Aquamarine1029 ....ouch. Someone can be your one true love but circumstances/timing means you aren't with them for whatever reason. When I said that I meant I haven't loved anyone as much before or since

The one true love isnt real. I guess there is only one way to find out but if he isnt interested will you feel worse?

Wow, there's some harsh responses on here

OP, if it were me I would contact him and have a chat. I met a guy in 2012, we had the most amazing time together, but he'd already signed a contract to go and work overseas, he was gone for four years, in the time he was gone I never met anyone that I felt the same way about.

When he came back he got in touch and we've been together ever since, about to move in together and getting married next year, so it can work, but like the pps say, it depends on why you broke up.

I actually think you can but it depends on what cause you to break up in the first place. I've known quite a few couples reunite many years later and are still together years later. I know that with my college boyfriend we were very in love but we were so young and separated by a thousand miles and it got too tough to deal with for another couple of years (i was in college and he was in the military). but i know if we had been local and/or older things would have turned out differently

However I would wait a little bit before reaching out to him, give yourself time to process your feelings. I know first loves are tough to get over and they stick with you for a long time, if not forever.

If you're not currently in a relationship why not.

He may be interested but maybe not. If you don't contact him you'll never know and be left wondering. Maybe you'll realise why you broke up, maybe it will turn out well.

I split with my boyfriend and we both moved on to new relationships and me having a child with someone else. 7 years later he messages me to go for a drink and we now have an 11 month old! I was very cautious, but I had enough time to know I couldn't love someone the way I loved him. It's always worth a shot.

Yes message him. The worst that can happen is he doesn't respond!!Then move on. I still communicate with some of my exs and we've all grown up so much. It would be such a shame not to just reach out, if he's not interested he will tell you or not respond.

Thank you for these replies. I haven't messaged him yet because I felt like a bit of a fool after reading the first few replies but you've given me motivation to do it now. I've only got his email address. I wonder whether he's still using it?!??

If I were him, I would think it was really weird.

I’d definitely do it! I think we regret the things we don’t do much more than the things we do.

I can’t see you have much to lose here.

Go for it - you only live once!

Assuming that the relationship was 'normal' and not an abusive one, etc.

Be prepared that he may not want to rekindle the relationship though. If you can't accept that, then i would leave it alone.

But if you can accept it then it might be best thing you ever do. Who knows? Don't go through life wondering 'what if?'

Have you tried matching him on the dating app? If he matches then he might want to talk.

Well I sent an email. Not even sure he uses the same email (but most people keep their emails for years right?!). My gut tells me he won't reply, too much water under the bridge. I had a text out of the blue from an ex last year and whilst I wasn't interested I did reply politely and just said I'd moved on, but I have a feeling he won't even reply😔 which is sad but I'll live!

Can you not match him on the app? That's going to be a million times better than emailing him in this case, because if he doesn't reply, you'll never know if that was because he read it and wasn't interested, or because he never read it in the first place.

I think you did the right think OP. You are managing your own expectations here and you think it's unlikely to amount to anything to protect yourself. You might have been left wondering what might have happened if you hadn't. Nothing ventured nothing gained.