Is it always a bad idea to contact an ex boyfriend?

[sharonJJ55]

So I saw my ex boyfriend of 3 years (split in 2015) on a dating app. I feel regretful of how I was in this relationship (although not solely to blame for the breakup) and have learnt a lot from it about how to do things differently. He was my one true love and I'd love to have contact with him again. We haven't spoken in about 3 years (both were in relationships). Shall I do what my heart says and make contact but risk getting blanked?

@sharonJJ55

Thank you for these replies. I haven't messaged him yet because I felt like a bit of a fool after reading the first few replies but you've given me motivation to do it now. I've only got his email address. I wonder whether he's still using it?!??

He was not your one true love or you would still be with him now.. Sorry if this seems rude but you need to grow up

@HopeAndDriftWood that would have been the easiest thing to do but in my usual haste of swiping left on morons I swiped left on him and then kicked myself when I realised! Duh!

@changedmynameforChristmas I think that's a very black and white way of looking at things and quite naive if I'm honest. Couples aren't together for lots of reasons. Life is complicated and love alone doesn't conquer all. I think at 40 I can look back at all the people I've dated or had a relationship with and confidently say that he was the one I truly loved and no one's come close. So I stand by my comment, as only I know how I feel.

Close your account on the app, register again to try and match him?

Good luck op it's only an email and you've tried. It won't be the end of the world if he doesn't reply but if he does perhaps you can become friends or get to know one another again

Not quite sure why some feel the need to be so harsh. It’s not necessarily the case that all ex’s should hate each other forever, it’s actually not uncommon for ex’s to get back together, relationships end for all sorts of reasons, and if there were no children involved then it stands to reason that the people in question might not stay in contact.

OP I second creating a new account and contacting him on there. I know nothing about online dating apps, but if you contact him will you know if he’s seen it or if he swipes left on you etc?

I agree with PP that the “one true love” attitude isn’t helpful - it’s romantic claptrap. Not to say you didn’t love him but there are many potentially right partners for all of us in a lifetime - otherwise what are the chances you’d actually meet!?

All that said, if you believe him to be unattached, I think it’s worth reaching out. Yes, the outcome might be disappointing but at least you’ll have given it a try. Otherwise I think you will be left wondering what if.

Some good friends of mine met very young - they dated for 3 years but it was too much, too young. They split up and were apart for several years. They got back together in their mid-20s and have now been married for decades. So it can work and if it doesn’t, well at least you won’t be left wondering.

PS good luck, OP!

Nothing ventured, nothing gained!

Even if nothing comes of it at least you won't be sitting there thinking 'what if...' and if he doesn't respond positively then you have your answer and he stays in the past.

I have friends who split up for 3 years and then got married and had children. They definitely were one another's 'one true love.'

Oh op I'm so glad you got in touch, sometimes relationships don't work out, but time changes us and people obviously grow up. What's the harm in getting in touch? I hope he replies, and either way, at least you won't be always wondering what if. Fingers crossed for you

Did you ever hear back?

It is a foolish and self indulgent idea, and you wouldn't even be considering it if you were in a decent relationship.

If you meddle you'll get burnt.