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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

How has it come to this, how have I amounted to nothing

26 replies

Wish4 · 07/12/2020 23:03

I'm trying so hard to stop myself doing something stupid because I know I won't be able to stop if I do.

I'm tired of this I'm just so tired of the same shit. I can never do anything right I can never say anything right, I always seem to be wrong.
I see no end.
My gorgeous baby boy has to put up with me as his shit mother that stays with a stupid, thick, lazy bastard as a husband to keep face.

I am a fake I spent the evening on the phone to a friend saying how she should be choosy when looking for a partner when I have have to live with a narcissist man child.

I'm stupid just so stupid. Even after he was repeatedly pushing me and twisting my arm behind my back. I kept going to him for comfort but he kept hitting me. What is wrong with me.

Im still sat in the same place he left me. In the dark living room, my soul aching. Just how did I get to this point in my life. When I was younger I
I would sit in the dark front room when everyone was asleep and just cry about how shit my life was. It's like I'm back to that point in my life.

OP posts:
LawnFever · 07/12/2020 23:09

I’m so sorry you’re feeling like this, you’re not to blame here at all, you don’t deserve to be hit & it’s not your fault

Is there anywhere you and your son could go and stay away from your husband?

Cherry321 · 07/12/2020 23:11

Sorry you are having a rough time and I’m sure you’re not a shit mum.

Is there anywhere you can go? Do you have a friend you could call?

Cherry321 · 07/12/2020 23:12

And you haven’t amounted to nothing - you have a lovely son who needs you.

Lollypop701 · 07/12/2020 23:13

I can’t read and run, not sure I’ll be much help but you are not to blame. No one should hit you or verbally abuse you. You know you’ll be happier without him, so why can’t you leave? Sit and paint a picture in your mind of how your life would be without him. Less money but no fear, no worrying about keeping face because there’s nothing to hide - I f you stay it’s likely your son will replicate his behaviour. Op, you know this isn’t right, it’s not you it’s him. Good luck

nimbuscloud · 07/12/2020 23:14

Can you call the friend you were speaking to earlier?

Ihavethesecret · 07/12/2020 23:15

You've done something really brave. You've thought about what's causing you mental and physical harm, you've articulated your hurt.....you're 2/3rds of the way to doing something about it, even if it's just planning what to do. Flowers
Narcissists are VERY good at hiding their true selves. It's on them, not you. You've realised that you deserve more (and you do) and you can be strong enough to get out because you've already done the hardest step now Flowers

Livelovebehappy · 07/12/2020 23:15

Op, it sounds like an awful situation to be in. Is there anyone you can call? Family or a friend? You need to get out of there and be somewhere safe to go with your dc, but I know that’s easier said than done if you don’t have anyone IRL. I’ve had no experience of this so not sure of the immediate help out there for victims of domestic abuse - hoping someone can advise. You know you deserve so much better than this vile bully can offer you.

bunintheoven88 · 07/12/2020 23:16

You are not nothing, you are the most important person in your little boys life OP.

Do you have any support, family or friends close by?

Please dont feel like you are alone, you arent Flowers

mummmy2017 · 07/12/2020 23:16

Be the change you want.
Your unhappy but it doesn't mean you have to stay in a situation you don't want.
Call one of the support agency's.
There is another thread where the lady just walked from an abusive relationship, MN and s great for helping woman move forward to a better place.

Namechange600 · 07/12/2020 23:18

Please don’t think you are worthless- you are the world to your son 💕💕 I am sorry you are in such a difficult situation, your partner sounds very difficult and he is abusive. It is not your fault, he is totally in the wrong. Sending you lots of support. I hope you can find a way forward and lean on friends. Xx

LittleMissMoggy · 07/12/2020 23:18

My friend recently left an abusive relationship. Please know that people will believe and help you. No matter complicated a divorce might seem and how little money you may have, please know you can leave. Women's aid and refuge can help x

TheBlueStocking · 07/12/2020 23:20

Don't blame yourself, OP. You didn't make this happen.

Look after yourself tonight and get some rest and think about what to do in the morning. You can have a chat with women's aid and see what they say?

Bessica1970 · 07/12/2020 23:50

You deserve better - and believe me that better is out there waiting for you! But being single is better than being afraid and abused.

BiggapTwins · 07/12/2020 23:57

Breakthrough moment. Beginning of a new beginning. You're not stupid, you want more for yourself is all, and rightly so. Got to start somewhere, why not where you are now? DV? Make moves. Freedom and joy is so close. A new life with people you love and treat you right.
It IS darkest before dawn! Choose life and joy.
Keep us updated and let us help OP Flowers

madcatladyforever · 08/12/2020 00:01

Have you thought about going to a refuge? I've lived in one and it's ok.
You can get housed reasonably quickly if you live in one too and have the support of other women.

RB68 · 08/12/2020 00:03

Frankly its not you thats shit - its him. You need to love and appreciate yourself and step 1 is making a plan to leave fuck saving face this is about keeping your sanity

yesterdaystotalsteps123 · 08/12/2020 07:47

Your little boy needs you. You are strong and you can start to plan for a better life. You're in an abusive relationship and you have recognised it. That's massive. You're not alone. So many of us have been where you are and trudged through to the other side of freedom. You may also have post natal depression which might be making you think you're shit. That isn't true. It could just be the depression trying to take hold. Women's aid will help. Your gp will help. Can you confide in someone? Don't worry if you can't face everything at once, but your son needs you to look after yourself, you can't save him unless you save yourself. Sending you all the strength in the world x

category12 · 08/12/2020 08:10

Please get help. Consider going to a refuge with your baby. Speak to Women's Aid or local abuse services.

What your partner is doing is very wrong and you don't deserve it.

Please try to speak with the Samaritans if you're feeling desperate Flowers

havecourage8bekind · 08/12/2020 08:40

Please consider going to a refuge. He doesn't have to know, you can leave when he goes out. Take your son with you and whatever belongings you can! I'm in one at the moment and I promise it's better than living life with abuse. You will be around women who have/are going through the same and also be around professionals who deal with it daily who WILL believe you and know how to help you. Also, it's incredible how helpful people are. I built it up in my head that nobody would believe me / wasn't that bad / nobody to help but it was the complete opposite. You can do this! Imagine yourself in a small cosy house, just you and your little boy. Safe, warm & abuse free. Use that picture to drive you forward. I'm moving out of refuge soon, and the house isn't going to be amazing as I've taken what I can get - but my god it's going to be a happy house! x

yesterdaystotalsteps123 · 08/12/2020 08:41

Are you ok this morning op? You've been brave posting, keep posting even if you're not ready to take another step just yet, the first step is the hardest and you've done that, it's fine to gather your strength before the next one

Original poster
Wish4 · 08/12/2020 09:46

Thank you for your kind words of support.

I'm gradually trying to gather things overtime with out him noticing, have started taking pictures of abuse, but previously he has been on my phone and deleted things. My passport is in my possession. Need to find LOs birth certificate, its stressing me out, cant find it amongst his shit.

Also what do I need in terms of the paperwork for the house? We have a mortgage in both of our names.

Is there anything else that I need that'll be of importance later?

OP posts:
0606len · 08/12/2020 09:58

Well done OP.
You are doing the right things.
Can you set up an email address that he has no knowledge off eg gmail and forward any pictures you have to that? Then delete the pics of your phone and erase your search history.
Photograph any documents you have relating to the household, including mortgage, bills etc and send them to your email address.
Contact women’s aid and refuge when you’re ready and get out.
You are not stupid nor shit. Good luck x

category12 · 08/12/2020 10:08

You can always pay for a copy of the birth certificate later on, don't risk getting caught to find it if it's going to be an issue. Flowers

If safely achievable, you want that and your marriage certificate, mortgage information, national insurance number if you don't already know it, driving licence, and copies of financial information like savings accounts and income. But don't put yourself at risk to get them.

Onlycakesshouldhavetiers · 24/12/2020 16:54

Wishing you strength for tomorrow whatever your circumstances then Flowers

Sarahlou63 · 24/12/2020 18:16

If you are in danger, call the police. Get him removed from the house.