Is he just not that into me?

[Jinglekells]

Hey MN
So, I'm a long time lurker on a dating site.
Not that fussed after last guy I dated turned out to be not very single.
Got a message from a guy who lives in my town. Recognised him & messaged lots for about a week. Went out last Weds eve for drinks & food.
Loads in common, found him really interesting, felt like there was chemistry, chatted non-stop, had a laugh. He's new to tinder & seemed a bit intrigued by it all!
Messaged lots the next morning which was Thurs then... nothing.
I sent the last message & was going to wait for him to reply. Then waited.
Nothing all weekend (I was really busy though) & now I just feel really disappointed.
I feel like if I message him it might just be a really lame reply or nothing. Don't really want the rejection!
Is this a case of ghosting? What would you do?

I'd assume ghosted and move on by now, if he pops up in future, just say " sorry, you are too flakey for me, thanks, bye". The end

In an ideal world I'd let him come to me. You sent the last message and the ball's in his court.

However in the real world I know how difficult it is to just leave things if you really like someone. It's up to you. But if you message him you have to be prepared for a potential non response (or a luke warm one which can be just as disappointing.)

If he's new to Tinder he'll be all kid-in a-sweetshop and messaging others.

Thanks all - yes defo got the kid in a sweet shop vibe! At one point he was banging on about it & I was thinking 'jeeeezzz it's only tinder'
He came out of a 15 year marriage at the start of the year too so...

No I wouldn't bother messaging him, he's had 4 days to reply, I'm sure he did like you as in got on well with you but he probably didn't feel the chemistry enough.

I’m afraid you’ve been ghosted.

Most likely someone else has caught his attention for now. He’ll focus his attention back on you sooner or later!

Yeah, move on.

And no, definitely don’t message him!

Fairly newly out of a 15 year marriage you say.....yeah he's sampling the pick 'n' mix

He's not that keen. He might message you in a few days. Up to you if you go out with him again. Don't message him again if he doesn't get in touch.

I think you have already got your answer....he has not messaged you back.
It sucks when you think it went well and they disappear....just say 'nexxt'.

I'm weirdly not that gutted but sort of surprised as it was a good night...
And we do live in quite a small town.
Can't really be arsed with bumping into him in Superdrug 🙄

I wouldn’t be surprised if he pops back up in a couple of weeks as though nothing has happened once the novelty has worn off. Which would be even ruder. Nope, next. However lovely the date was he just wasn’t good enough.

Stay cool and aloof OP. If the connection was as good for him as it was for you he'll compare his future dates and kick himself/get back in touch. He's clearly not ready to settle yet. Fair enough - unless he led you on? - hopefully it have you optimism that dates can be positive.

When people do this to me I block them so they can’t get back in touch again

I agree, most guys I've seen on OLD who are just out of long term relationships aren't in a place to be serious. He will be loving the attention at the moment. Do NOT message him but if he pops up later (cos he;'s now bored or noone else has worked out), block him.

The problem is when you first go onto tinder/bumble whatever, you get so many matches and it is all go and a full time job. So yes you could be the one for him but he won’t know that (and just how rare it is to meet someone decent on there). He might think there are loads of incredible people like you out there. In a way it’s tough if you’re their first date as they are unlikely to settle (although I was my bf’s first and only date from bumble abs that was 2 years ago!!) but generally people need to shop around first. He’ll probably realise in a few weeks how rare it is to click with someone abs may well get back in touch. But first now leave it. And your balloon will probably be burst by the time he does get back in touch ...

Oh How I love MN & I'm grateful for all the advice here but I'm someone who needs a beginning & an end & I did message him... because our town is very small & I'd rather see him & give a wave/hello knowing that it's not happening than an embarrassed 'why-haven't-you-messaged-me slightly bewildered look.
Plus, I've never been ghosted in real life & actually I think it's pretty uncool so waiting to see what he comes back with.
My message was short & sharp but friendly 🤨

I am cross that you caved and messaged him after all the advice people gave you not to.
No response to your text is your answer, there was no need to pursue it.
However it is done now.

Do tell if you have had a response. I am like you and tend to pick at things. I also like to have the last word. However, l have learnt over the years that silence is often more powerful. Up to you but don't be hurt if you don't get anything back from him.

Thanks @crimsonlake and @mydinneristasty
I get what you're saying, both of you.
Wouldn't have messaged if it wasn't a smallish town/community.
Online ghosting is common &'acceptable' (gosh I do it!) but real life ghosting in small town? Pretty rubbish I'd say. I think it was important for me to send a text that included 'just let me know if you're up for meeting again' but maybe this is him just letting me know...
Oh well. Wasn't particularly invested.

Did he reply op?

I prefer clousure as well although I now just leave it as someone said up thread silence says a lot more and sending follow up messages just boosts their ego and makes you feel even more crap when they don't respond or send a blunt reply.

Honestly OP, the small town thing is a poor excuse because you could have waved hi to him and carried on. It was one date. No drama or promises.
If he messages back, you won't get closure or feel satisfied because he still disappeared down the candy shop.
On the other hand, he now knows you are keen and willing to accept being ignored.

I agree with above poster in some ways silence would be preferable if you’re likely to bump into him... if you don’t message how does he know you were into him?! Now you’ve put it out there that you want to meet again.

Anyway don’t message again, delete his number or better block him so that you don’t reply if he does text you... he probably will and it will most likely be when he’s bored/lonely/wants a shag.