Is he just not that into me?

[Jinglekells]

Hey MN
So, I'm a long time lurker on a dating site.
Not that fussed after last guy I dated turned out to be not very single.
Got a message from a guy who lives in my town. Recognised him & messaged lots for about a week. Went out last Weds eve for drinks & food.
Loads in common, found him really interesting, felt like there was chemistry, chatted non-stop, had a laugh. He's new to tinder & seemed a bit intrigued by it all!
Messaged lots the next morning which was Thurs then... nothing.
I sent the last message & was going to wait for him to reply. Then waited.
Nothing all weekend (I was really busy though) & now I just feel really disappointed.
I feel like if I message him it might just be a really lame reply or nothing. Don't really want the rejection!
Is this a case of ghosting? What would you do?

@DianaT1969 not keen at all & not willing to be ignored hence wanting an ending & to communicate like human beings even to just be told 'no chemistry' or whatever.
Yes was one date but lots of messaging prior to that & kind of want to know.
Wd feel much more awkward to run into him after leaving it all silent...

I haven't said to him I want to meet up again...

just let me know if you're up for meeting again

Oh dear. If he doesn't message back you're going to be very embarrassed now if you bump into him.

[quote Jinglekells]@DianaT1969 not keen at all & not willing to be ignored hence wanting an ending & to communicate like human beings even to just be told 'no chemistry' or whatever.
Yes was one date but lots of messaging prior to that & kind of want to know.
Wd feel much more awkward to run into him after leaving it all silent... [/quote]
Really??
Now you're going to be doing exactly the same thing but after making yourself look silly by sending another message when he's stopped messaging you
He's not likely to reply

Oh well, let's hope you get some sort of reply even if it's closure. If you do bump into him, just say hi and walk on like it don't matter.

Sorry you clearly are concerned and in to him. If you were not you would have moved on, but are still dwelling on it.
He did not respond back earlier, that was your answer. He is not concerned about it being awkward and neither should you be, now it will be more awkward if you still get radio silence.
If someone is interested you will know it and they will show you.

Just try and forget him. He's probably been talking to other women and is not too invested in you. He will probably come back with a message in future to try and keep you hanging but I would keep your chin up and ignore him.

‘Just let me know if you’re up for meeting again’

That IS you telling him you want to meet up again...isn’t it?

Yes I was confused. Is it you that asked to meet again or him?

‘Just let me know if you’re up for meeting again’ was part of the text I sent last week... that he never responded to. Not being very clear, sorry.
Yep, he's telling me the answer & yep perhaps shouldn't have messaged today.
Dating in your late 30s feels way more brutal than before - but why can't people just say 'no thanks... '?
Silence is deafening!
Anyways super grateful for your input, MN.

He’s not saying no thanks because he QUITE liked you but wants to see if there’s anything better out there first. If he doesn’t reply he can go on a few dates with other people, then if they don’t blow him away he can always message you again with some feeble excuse about having lost his phone or something and there’s a chance you’ll come back for more. Whereas if he said no thanks and the next dates turned out to be rubbish he’s already burned his bridges with you. He’s hedging his bets. So take control yourself- make your own decision- if he’s not polite enough to reply he’s not good enough for you..

@Honeyroar THANK YOU💡

I wouldn’t really call it ghosting if you’ve only met once.

Online dating, especially on apps, is brutal. You will get ghosted a lot and you need to develop a backbone for dealing with it. Move on to the next, just as he clearly has done.

I had a few experiences with 'newbies' on POF. Recently separated men who had just joined were the worst! They can't believe their luck with all these women to date so won't want to be exclusive from my experience. The other extreme is the jaded, cynical ones (like me!) who are sick of online dating and are negative, something inbetween is best.

In relation to your guy OP I would have done the same, I can never let things lie either and usually need to be told to sod off before I can let it go. You may find he comes back in a few weeks when he's been let down himself a few times but his behaviour is sooo common, even when you think the date has gone well.

Don’t message him and if he messages you ignore him. You don’t want to be someone he can be only be bothered with when he’s bored of everyone else. He’ll ghost you again and it’ll hurt more when you’ve invested more.

Don’t take tinder dates very seriously, it’s also likely he was assuming to get ‘lucky’ and moved on when he got vibes that you wanted more than a quick bunk up. Tinder is notoriously known for its quick hook ups and nothing else. Good luck OP

He did reply & apologised, said nice things about the eve/me & said he wasn't in the right place for dating right now. I've used that line loads in the past when I haven't quite felt a connection & wanted to keep exploring who's out there. That's totally fine & I am glad I can just end that chapter & move on.
The end.

Good. Hope you move on to someone better too.

I think if a man likes you, you’ll know he does. Sorry OP