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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Help what do I do ?

29 replies

Leah8719xx · 07/12/2020 20:48

I don't know who to talk to. This is why I'm
Posting I don't want friends or family knowing until I'm
Sure what to do I want advice from people who don't know me to give honest opinions. My
Baby girl is 4 months old. I told my boyfriend today I was going to book a night away in feb with my friend for our Xmas present to each other. I've not spent more than an hour away from my baby since she was born pretty much on my own with her partner works away so it's hard work. He come back to me and said what dates as he's booked a holiday (behind my back) I was horrified and heartbroken I would never stop anyone from doing anything but it's a very long distance holiday and for two weeks. I'm
So upset he doesn't think he's wrong how can I trust him when he's gone behind my back. He said if I want to end it then do it but basically he's going. He's putting a holiday before me and our baby tell me I'm not wrong before I drive myself insane. He's a grown 30 year old man not some young teen who hasn't got it out of his system. Help me

OP posts:
Sally2791 · 07/12/2020 20:57

Out of order for him not to discuss it with you first

Palavah · 07/12/2020 21:02

I don't understand - has he booked a holiday for you all that clashes with the night you were going away with your friend? Or has he booked a holiday just for himself?

MiniTheMinx · 07/12/2020 21:03

More questions than answers

Has he done this sort of thing before?
Can it be afforded?
Why doesn't he want a two week family holiday?
Where is he going? unless it was a remote mountain climbing holiday I'd seriously question what it was all about!
How does he usually treat you?

Lampan · 07/12/2020 21:14

One thing stands out to me: has he definitely booked it or is he just saying he’s busy then to mess up your plans?
Sounds like he’s not very hands-on anyway but if he really has booked this without telling you of course it’s unreasonable. And if he’s just saying he booked it then there are problems too.

Original poster
Leah8719xx · 07/12/2020 21:18

No it's for him
And his friend. He's been on holiday with friends
In the past but wasn't an issue didn't have a house and a baby and wasn't done behind my back. Basically he's saying if I have a problem end it and do I really want that for me and my daughter no. Haven't even had a family holiday Booked and he thinks it's ok to go across the world. I just wanted to know if it's me or is he out of Order. I don't know if I can trust him now

OP posts:
MiniTheMinx · 07/12/2020 21:25

Then

He has no respect for you
Is selfish and lazy
Has no real interest in family life
And no, I wouldn't trust him (or a man like him) as far as I could throw him.

What are the benefits to being with him? If he is only around part of the time and away for work the least he should do is spend his annual leave with his family.

justthecat · 07/12/2020 21:25

Clearly his first thought in life is himself .
Let him go and don’t let him look back

DSV20 · 07/12/2020 21:30

It seems like you would be better off without a man like this?
Every situation is different but myself and my partner treat our annual leave like gold dust so would never book two weeks without the other person booking the same time?
Has he definitely booked? Have you seen confirmations?

sparklefarts · 07/12/2020 21:33

Basically he's saying if I have a problem end it and do I really want that for me and my daughter no

Oh good grief yes you do. Don't stay with someone who thinks so little of you! See this as an opportunity. Let him go on his holiday. Bye-bye little man

Opentooffers · 07/12/2020 21:38

She's 4 months old and you've not spent more than an hour away from her. Are you saying also, that in 4 months your DP has never spent more than an hour with her? Were you planning on going away with your friend and leaving your DD with her father whose never once looked after her, or were you planning on taking her with you? ( In which case it doesn't matter if DP is home or not at the time).
Just how much does he work away? I'm not convinced he thinks he's your Bf. So he'd rather go on hol for 2weeks with his mate, than with you and his DD? Does he assist you financially? Are you actually even a couple in the normal sense as this sounds an odd setup?

Itsybitsydooda · 07/12/2020 21:40

Screw that. Ditch his sorry butt and move on. He sounds like he hasn't grown up and doesn't have a clue of his responsibilities.

lemonsquashie · 07/12/2020 21:41

Sorry, did your OP say he's booked a holiday for 2 weeks.

WiseOwlWan · 07/12/2020 21:43

Wow, so he's happy to openly treat you badly on the grounds that if you end it, that'd be bad for your dd?!

He is a selfish manipulator and you will not make a family man out of him

I too only realised how lazy selfis (and abusive) my 'partner' waS after having a child.

So glad i left.

Xx

Suzi888 · 07/12/2020 21:44

@sparklefarts

Basically he's saying if I have a problem end it and do I really want that for me and my daughter no

Oh good grief yes you do. Don't stay with someone who thinks so little of you! See this as an opportunity. Let him go on his holiday. Bye-bye little man

^^ this It’s going to be the shape of things to come, isn’t it? He’s ok for you to end the relationship if he goes on his holsConfused he clearly doesn’t think much of his family. You must be so upset, he sounds awful.
Original poster
Leah8719xx · 07/12/2020 22:17

Basically I found the confirmation and that was my way of getting him by saying I was going on a spa weekend to see if he owned up. I'm
Heartbroken. Yes we live together have a baby together but basically he doesn't put us first I need to end this. I feel like I've let me daughter down I had such a happy childhood witb two parents she's but I suppose it's better than being with someone who doesn't respect the mother

OP posts:
MiniTheMinx · 07/12/2020 22:21

Leah8719xx, you don't deserve to feel guilty, its him. You deserve better, and no child should grow up seeing their father disregard and disrespect their mother. Do you have a way out?

Honeyroar · 07/12/2020 23:03

It’s bad enough booking himself a holiday without a second thought for his family, but the “if you don’t like it you can leave, but you won’t” would be the nail in the coffin for the relationship for me. Selfish prick.

Lampan · 07/12/2020 23:03

When was he planning on telling you about it?

Sakurami · 07/12/2020 23:28

What a joke. Yes you need to end it but it isn't your fault and your daughter will be fine.

Original poster
Leah8719xx · 08/12/2020 15:44

Thanks everyone for your replies. I needed to hear all that.

OP posts:
MrsBobDylan · 08/12/2020 16:59

Christ what a turd of a human being he is. Also, who says 'if you don't like it end it' to the mother of their beautiful child? He sounds emotionally underdeveloped as well as a selfish prick.

You can give your DD a happy childhood, one good parent is more than enough.

WiseOwlWan · 08/12/2020 17:03

It is less lonely being on your own when the "partner" is this selfish.
And its easier to do everything yourself than to (rightly) feel hard done by.

Flatbellyfella · 08/12/2020 17:13

He is definitely a me me me person, no respect for you & your child.

Aprilx · 08/12/2020 17:19

I would be very unhappy if DH booked a holiday without telling me and particularly so if we had a four month old baby. But what I really can’t get past is the comment that you can “end it if you want but he’s still going”. How easily he will throw the relationship away. I doubt things are going to get better.

gotthis1234 · 08/12/2020 17:28

Out of order... you deserve better x