Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Nothing on my actual birthday from boyfriend

46 replies

katiie3 · 07/12/2020 18:07

Hi everyone.

It was my birthday a few days ago but due to work, I couldn’t spend the day with my boyfriend.

We have arranged to go away in a couple of weeks and for one night (for my belated birthday).

Without sounding like a complete dork, I was slightly disappointed that he didn’t send me any flowers on the day. He sent me a text in the text morning to wish me a Happy Birthday.

It sounds so stupid but the day passed and there was nothing other than a text.

In the past, he has always sent amazing flowers to his previous gf on their birthdays (I saw it on his fb) so a part of me feels sad ....

Am I being silly?

OP posts:
thegrassisgreenwhereyouwaterit · 07/12/2020 18:10

How long have you been seeing him. If it’s more than a few months I can understand you being disappointed.

gannett · 07/12/2020 18:18

If I'd got my DP a decent birthday present that I couldn't give him on the actual day - a meal out on the closest weekend, or something that hadn't come in the post yet, or if I wasn't actually with him on the day - I think I'd just send a text on the day itself. Making a fuss of him would be about the gift not the day if that makes sense. I guess the trip away is what he's giving you? If I bought my DP a mini-break for his birthday I wouldn't feel the need to add to it just for the day!

Maybe the flowers for previous GFs were their entire gift?

Original poster
katiie3 · 07/12/2020 18:23

@thegrassisgreenwhereyouwaterit over 6/7 months.

@gannett we are splitting the costs. I offered to pay for the travelling/food for the night away for my birthday. He is paying for the hotel.

OP posts:
category12 · 07/12/2020 18:28

Unless it's quite a fancy hotel you're basically going halves on your own birthday present that he also benefits from.

Heyahun · 07/12/2020 18:36

Meh you are going away to celebrate your birthday though?

Stop comparing yourself and the ex and what she got for birthdays etch -that’s a terrible way to start things

This really wouldn’t bother me - if my birthday is on a weekday and we are at work say - we’d usually Leave the present/celebration to the weekend tbh

Heyahun · 07/12/2020 18:38

And you don’t even know yet whether he has gifts or a surprise for you on the weekend away - your jumping straight to conclusions

Original poster
katiie3 · 07/12/2020 18:40

@Heyahun very true!

OP posts:
Original poster
katiie3 · 07/12/2020 18:42

@Heyahun yup going away for a night, I’m splitting costs with him down the middle because of the struggles of working through covid for both of us.

OP posts:
Tonightstheteriyakichicken · 07/12/2020 18:45

In that situation OP, I'd think, thank goodness he didn't order me flowers, it was his go-to solution for his ex.

That said, as you're splitting the costs of the treat which he's going to be enjoying with you, (will this form part of your Christmas present too?), it does seem a bit unimaginative of him not to get you a little something on the actual day.

Original poster
katiie3 · 07/12/2020 18:48

@Tonightstheteriyakichicken unfortunately due to the circumstances of the crisis, we have decide not to exchange Christmas presents.

I offered to split the costs. He didn’t ask me but I felt it was too much for him to pay alone and I would have felt bad.

OP posts:
Freedom1983 · 07/12/2020 18:51

I’d take nothing any day, my husband on my last birthday begged to take me out for a posh dinner! Little did I know untill I ordered dessert he didn’t have enough cash to cover the bill, costs me £50 and a taxi home,
Your boyfriend is being honest about his cash flow issues, you’ll have a great weekend together

MikeUniformMike · 07/12/2020 18:53

It's not about the birthday - it's that he made a show of getting flowers for his gf in the past, whereas you got a text.

Bin him.

jelly79 · 07/12/2020 20:01

I can understand you being a bit disappointed but given the fact you are splitting the costs of the night away and not doing Xmas presents because of covid then I assume he doesn't have money for flowers x

seensome · 07/12/2020 20:10

Your night away was surpose to be a treat, you shouldn't of offered to pay towards it just say thank you and accept it in future.
I hope he's contacted you properly by phone call to say happy birthday and not just a text by this evening.

Isthisnothing · 07/12/2020 20:19

Yeah I'd feel hurt. I would wait and see over the next while how the relationship progresses, if he makes you feel special etc.

glassoftwohalves · 07/12/2020 20:35

@MikeUniformMike

It's not about the birthday - it's that he made a show of getting flowers for his gf in the past, whereas you got a text.

Bin him.

Wow.
MikeUniformMike · 07/12/2020 20:39

@glassoftwohalves, OP says the day passed and there was nothing other than a text.

He's just not that into her.

strangertimes · 07/12/2020 21:11

This would be a dealbreaker for me. If you accept shitty lazy behaviour now then you set the tone. Don’t appease. Read the book “why men love bitches” you’re setting yourself up as a doormat who will accept shit all crap behaviour. This will be the rest of your life. Are you happy with that? Naff all consideration. What’s the point? You going to shag him on this holiday? He gets sex and you didn’t even get a card or a delivery on your birthday? Do you think you’re worth more than that?

DianaT1969 · 07/12/2020 21:45

This is an expensive time of year and OP says money is tight due to Covid. Please put it out of your mind OP and enjoy the weekend. You know if he is into you or not.

Rollergirl11 · 07/12/2020 21:56

Did you not get a birthday card either? I could forgive no present but no card shows a total lack of thought and effort.

billy1966 · 07/12/2020 22:30

Sorry OP, but I wouldn't be impressed with the complete lack of effort either.

Is it likely that he will surprise you with gifts on the weekend away that you have paidhalf for...so certainly not a birthday gift in my book.

It didn't have to be a £50 bouquet.
A nice bunch of flowers, box of Lindt red truffles and a card would have shown you he was thinking of you.

Flowers
Guiltypleasures001 · 07/12/2020 22:38

It's shit behaviour op with zero effort, plus he gets let off for Xmas
He's had months to save for a card let alone anything else

Throw this one back

Peace43 · 07/12/2020 22:45

I’d be very unimpressed with the lack of a card. Will you see him before the weekend away? I’d expect to get the card and any gift in person and would be fine with it being a day or two before or after my birthday. I’d be fine with just a card but not even a card is shitty and I’d be upset and would have to tell him I was upset. His actions after that would determine the outcome. An apology and a belated card = all forgiven. No apology or reparation = dumping time!

RantyAnty · 07/12/2020 22:47

Has he had a birthday yet? If so, what did you do for him?

Has he taken you any place or bought you a meal?

ScalpHelp · 07/12/2020 22:51

@jelly79

I can understand you being a bit disappointed but given the fact you are splitting the costs of the night away and not doing Xmas presents because of covid then I assume he doesn't have money for flowers x
My exact thoughts too.

You said you’re both struggling due to COVID so maybe he can’t afford flowers at the moment? I know you can get some flowers for a cheap price, but what if he just wanted to use his birthday budget for you elsewhere as money is tight?

Swipe left for the next trending thread