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Original poster

Nothing on my actual birthday from boyfriend

46 replies

katiie3 · 07/12/2020 18:07

Hi everyone.

It was my birthday a few days ago but due to work, I couldn’t spend the day with my boyfriend.

We have arranged to go away in a couple of weeks and for one night (for my belated birthday).

Without sounding like a complete dork, I was slightly disappointed that he didn’t send me any flowers on the day. He sent me a text in the text morning to wish me a Happy Birthday.

It sounds so stupid but the day passed and there was nothing other than a text.

In the past, he has always sent amazing flowers to his previous gf on their birthdays (I saw it on his fb) so a part of me feels sad ....

Am I being silly?

OP posts:

ScalpHelp · 07/12/2020 22:52

Sorry, by that I meant maybe he wanted to use the budget on your gift or another surprise etc.

Cheesypea · 07/12/2020 22:54

A text. I'd want a call at least. Is he in work op?

Lindy2 · 07/12/2020 22:59

I'd not be very impressed.

Is he struggling financially? You started your relationship during this pandemic so I guess things might not be completely normal. A nice card and a phone call would be my absolute minimum expectation though and he's not even bothered with that.

Porgy · 07/12/2020 23:00

@MikeUniformMike

It's not about the birthday - it's that he made a show of getting flowers for his gf in the past, whereas you got a text.

Bin him.

For all you know it could have been the ex making a big show of the flowers after she guilt tripped him into buying them.

I know plenty of people who are showey about all of the lovely presents their OH buy for them. When in reality the relationship is a stinking pile of poop.

If money is so tight you're not doing Christmas presents, I would assume he didn't have a lot of money to spend. See how the weekend goes and take it from there. Presents are not the be all and end all in a relationship.

CharlotteRose90 · 08/12/2020 01:44

At 6/7 months it’s still early and I wouldn’t be expecting anything. Maybe a card but you got a text and you are doing a hotel stay later on.

Sunflower1970 · 08/12/2020 05:13

He could have made you a cake or a homemade card. You are covering his thoughtless arse by blaming COVID. Get rid!

gannett · 08/12/2020 07:26

Some ridiculous answers here. Who the fuck cares about a card? I haven't given my DP a card for anything, ever.

A nice bunch of flowers, box of Lindt red truffles and a card would have shown you he was thinking of you.

Yes, the most basic, generic Woman Present imaginable really shows more thought and care than a personalised trip away (that he intended to pay for entirely).

category12 · 08/12/2020 07:34

Some ridiculous answers here. Who the fuck cares about a card? I haven't given my DP a card for anything, ever.

Hate to break it to you, but you are not the arbiter of what other people like or value. Cards may be irrelevant to you, but the card sales market's existence proves your view is not the only one.

And the generic presents are things a lot of people like to receive. Otherwise they wouldn't have achieved "generic". It's just a token.

HeyManIJustWantSomeMuesli · 08/12/2020 07:38

It might be a bit of a misunderstanding; if you’ve agreed not to do Christmas presents (especially if for financial reasons) and are splitting the cost of your birthday treat, I don’t it’s a huge leap for him to assume you aren’t doing birthday presents either.

FelicityPike · 08/12/2020 07:39

@gannett

Some ridiculous answers here. Who the fuck cares about a card? I haven't given my DP a card for anything, ever.

A nice bunch of flowers, box of Lindt red truffles and a card would have shown you he was thinking of you.

Yes, the most basic, generic Woman Present imaginable really shows more thought and care than a personalised trip away (that he intended to pay for entirely).

I care more about the card than the actual present! I would be absolutely devastated if my bf/partner/SO didn’t get me a card.

Lozzerbmc · 08/12/2020 07:51

I’d be hurt - its quite thoughtless of him. Its not about what you get its the thought/effort he’s made. He would know you cant spend your birthday as you’d like and should have thought to make an effort. He could have sent a beautiful card and a little something in the post that doesnt need to cost the earth. The weekend away sounds nice but thats a treat for him too... hope he makes up for it

Daydreamsinglorioustechnicolor · 08/12/2020 07:56

I'd wait and see if he hasca gift or card for your weekend away first.

gannett · 08/12/2020 08:04

I would be absolutely devastated if my bf/partner/SO didn’t get me a card.

Surely you're being melodramatic with "absolutely devastated" Cards are useless tat that get thrown in the recycling within two weeks and if my DP had bought me a HOLIDAY, moaning about an unimportant gesture would be the last thing on my mind.

Also quite weird that people seem to measure the quality of a gift by whether the giver gets any enjoyment out of it. DP and I usually take each other out for a fancy meal for birthdays rather than doing gifts. Most of the time that ends up being on a different day to the birthday (which passes mostly unremarked) and, gasp, the giver gets to have a lovely time too. But apparently it's not an acceptable gift unless it's a sacrifice of some sort?

Poorlykitten · 08/12/2020 08:08

I like a card. It shows someone is thinking of you. I’d be annoyed. Didn’t he even ring you? There are lots of ways to show you care without spending lots of money.

FelicityPike · 08/12/2020 08:34

@gannett no I’m honestly not being dramatic. I’d rather have a card than a present. I keep every card I get (also DH & DD now too) I do recycle most Christmas cards though.
The OP’s BF has bought her half of a holiday.

Original poster

katiie3 · 08/12/2020 09:10

@Lozzerbmc yes, exactly what you said. I don’t care what he got me or anything. It’s just the thought of not spending my birthday with anyone due to work.

It is one night away in a hotel that we are both paying for, it’s paid for 50/50 so yes it is a treat for him too.

The night away isn’t for a few weeks anyway so the moment has kind of passed for me too etc

OP posts:

Original poster

katiie3 · 08/12/2020 09:11

@Poorlykitten he sent me a text message first thing in the morning and then a voice note at 7pm to say he hoped I was having a nice day.

OP posts:

Original poster

katiie3 · 08/12/2020 09:15

We are not struggling with money as such, but I feel bad about him spending money for a night away, in the event anything happens in the future with work slowing down etc

So I offered to pay half so he isn’t spending all his own money during this pandemic

OP posts:

KatherineJaneway · 08/12/2020 09:17

I wouldn't be impressed.

MarylinMonrue · 08/12/2020 09:33

At 6/7 months it’s still early and I wouldn’t be expecting anything

Are you kidding? 6/7 months in is glorious honeymoon starry-eyed can't-get-enough-of-you ville, I would NOT be impressed if this was his level of effort at this point.

MumChats · 08/12/2020 09:47

I can see why you are disappointed but i think it depends on the wider context and how your relationship is. My DP is a pretty awful gift giver - it's not limited to me, he's like that with other people like his family too. A low point was when i got my bike serviced about 3 weeks before my birthday and he offered to reimburse me for it as my present

...sometimes on a birthday i feel disappointed/upset but we are really happy and he's lovely in many other ways so i have just learned to accept that it is who he is. It's almost like he has a brain block about gift giving. He isn't that fussed about receiving either, i think he just doesn't really get it! Longwinded but i'm just saying i completely understand where you are coming from but personally if the context of your wider relationship is good i wouldn't write him off.

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