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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Partner has just been arrested for drink driving

45 replies

Namechangegardens · 06/12/2020 02:08

I am writing on here as don't want to wake my family at this ungodly hour but need to get this out somehow.

Partner of 8 years, mature nursing student, has multiple underlying mental health problems. We very very rarely drink, partly due to his unpredictable/risky behaviour when he drinks (though he has never got behind the wheel after a drink before).

Thought he was at his uni all day today working on an essay. Started to worry as time went on, his phone was off, knew something bad was coming then his mum phoned me at 1.30am to say he was in police custody. In all honesty this was a relief compared to the other scenarios I had cooked up in my 2 hour panic.

I dont know any details re. How intoxicated he is, how much he had (we are in Scotland so the limit is low, not that that is any excuse, I genuinely have no idea how much he might have had). He is clearly more unwell than he is letting on as we have spoken multiple times about how careless it is to drink drive.

He has an appointment with a psychologist this week after months on a waiting list, hoping this helps him. Not sure if his nursing career has gone to pot or whether they will make allowances.

Glad I got this out, I am dreading speaking to my family about it.

OP posts:
Original poster
Namechangegardens · 06/12/2020 02:09

And I am a lot less calm than that quite detached sounding post would have me sound!!

OP posts:
WellQualifiedToRepresentTheLBC · 06/12/2020 02:26

Hand hold for you op.

Where is he now?

Original poster
Namechangegardens · 06/12/2020 02:28

Thank you @WellQualifiedToRepresentTheLBC - hand hold much needed.
He is in police custody, will be released in the morning and can go home, to await court date.

OP posts:
notsodimwit · 06/12/2020 02:30

Another handhold OPFlowers has he's driven after drinking before?

WellQualifiedToRepresentTheLBC · 06/12/2020 02:33

Such a hard situation for all involved. He was really irresponsible and hopefully no one was hurt, but at the same time, this is an incredibly shit time for everyone atm, even those who arent prone to MH problems. My heart goes out to you.

What are you doing tonight to take care of yourself?

Original poster
Namechangegardens · 06/12/2020 02:35

Thank you@notsodimwit
No, he has never done this before. I really can't describe how out of character this is for him, his mum and I are both very shocked.

I really need to process my feelings before I see him tomorrow as my first instinct (other than thank goodness he is okay and no one got hurt) is to demand to know the exact details, i.e. how much he drank and what happened that led to the arrest. But I know that won't do any good as he will be feeling terrible already.

OP posts:
Original poster
Namechangegardens · 06/12/2020 02:37

Thank you @WellQualifiedToRepresentTheLBC, you're totally right he was irresponsible, regardless of how much/little he had had. I appreciate you being so understanding, I would hate for him to be judged as he is such a good person and I know he will be feeling terrible about it all, and worrying for his future. Psychology appointment will be a good first step for him.

OP posts:
Original poster
Namechangegardens · 06/12/2020 02:39

@WellQualifiedToRepresentTheLBC
So far tonight I have written this post, and googled penalties for drink driving 😬
Will try and relax now with some music.

OP posts:
NigellaAwesome · 06/12/2020 02:43

I'm sorry to hear this.

BadTattoosAndSmellLikeBooze · 06/12/2020 02:52

You shouldn’t be dreading speaking to your family about it, you’ve done nothing wrong. He will be the one having to face everyone after what he’s done.
He will be judged I’m afraid. Drink driving is an awful thing.

BadTattoosAndSmellLikeBooze · 06/12/2020 02:54

Posted too soon.

Hopefully if no one has been hurt then he’ll learn from it.
I hope things improve for you both soon.

WellQualifiedToRepresentTheLBC · 06/12/2020 02:55

Yep put on something naff like Enya and remember this too will pass, etc. It's silly but you know what, life is a ridiculous beast and we just do our best. Keeping calm is the best for tonight. No point worrying about tomorrow right now.

I won't judge your dp because who knows what went on. Sure maybe he was being a total selfish arsehole but equally maybe he lost control of himself and feels absolutely dreadful now. Or both.

No one wakes up in the morning and thinks right, tonight ill drink drive. It's a horrible thing. Hopefully he learns something.

DoWahDiddy · 06/12/2020 05:56

I've known a few people get done for drink driving and it was a turning point in their lives. Still hard, nonetheless.

Butterfly4321 · 06/12/2020 06:17

Hand hold Flowers

We’re in Scotland too. To have been attested i suspect his driving may have been quite erratic - especially for it to have caught the attention of police.

Sending you a hug. If it helps. My partner is a tradesman and has been stopped by police 3 times this week - for routine checks. I think they’re pulling people over at all angels to ensure no one is travelling without reason. The roads have been much quieter where we are. There is never an excuse to get behind the wheel with anything in your system. I hope he is able to speak with you and explain any MH issues and what is causing him to drink and put himself and others at risk.

I hope you managed to finally get some sleep, OP. 💕

LunaLula83 · 06/12/2020 07:07

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JacobReesMogadishu · 06/12/2020 07:15

[quote Namechangegardens]@WellQualifiedToRepresentTheLBC
So far tonight I have written this post, and googled penalties for drink driving 😬
Will try and relax now with some music.[/quote]
Not sure if you realise but his place on his course may be in jeopardy. Registered nurses tend to be reported to the nmc over such matters who decide if they are suspended, struck off, etc. A student can’t be referred so the university have to make a decision about whether they can sign them off as good character or not. If they decide they can’t he’ll be asked to leave.

Bluntness100 · 06/12/2020 07:32

To be fair he doesn’t need to have been driving erratically to have been stopped, he could have been reported by someone who knew he was drinking, or he could have left a venue where alcohol was served and the police were testing everyone.

No point making assumptions till the op knows. However it’s likely he will loose his licence for a period now.

AgentJohnson · 06/12/2020 09:01

*To be fair he doesn’t need to have been driving erratically to have been stopped, he could have been reported by someone who knew he was drinking, or he could have left a venue where alcohol was served and the police were testing everyone.

No point making assumptions till the op knows. However it’s likely he will loose his licence for a period now.*

Thankfully, being over the legal limit is enough to get arrested.

Bluntness100 · 06/12/2020 09:04

Thankfully, being over the legal limit is enough to get arrested

Gosh, how to miss the point. I think you’ll find we all know that, the discussion was about how the police would know.

PersonaNonGarter · 06/12/2020 09:07

How are things OP?

NerrSnerr · 06/12/2020 09:10

Not sure if you realise but his place on his course may be in jeopardy. Registered nurses tend to be reported to the nmc over such matters who decide if they are suspended, struck off, etc.

He needs to be honest with the university from day 1. I'm a nurse and have been around a while. I have worked with nurses who have received a drink driving conviction and kept their registration but it was a 'one off' with no other concerns and they reported it to their employer and NMC immediately. I have known others lose their registration but they either tried to hide the conviction or it was part of a bigger problem.

Good luck OP.

Pipapple · 06/12/2020 09:15

My DP got done for drink driving and he was very very lucky to keep his job. We were all so angry, he could have killed someone or killed himself with all the terrible terrible consequences.

It’s so stressful and awful when this happens, due to my job I had to declare it.

PaddyF0dder · 06/12/2020 09:21

Unless his mental health difficulties are sufficiently significant as to rob him of capacity, then they are not relevant. Drink driving is a serious offence, and there are no excuses.

TheProvincialLady · 06/12/2020 09:28

It would be a deal breaker for me and the end of the relationship. The irony of training to be someone who helps to heal people and keep them alive and then drink driving.

Billben · 06/12/2020 09:38

This would be a dealbreaker for me as well. And I would also be wondering why a partner I have shared my life with for the past 8 years rang their DM from the police cell and not me.

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