8 months pregnant & partner has been having an affair.

[Soozbuck]

Hi ladies,

Sorry that this is going to be such a long post but I really need some advice.
I’m currently 8 months pregnant and have recently found out my fiancé has been having an affair for 5 months with his co-worker.
I had a suspicion that something has been going on and unfortunately went through his text messages and saw he was texting her telling her he loves her and that he was going to leave me and start a new life with her.
When I confronted him he said he didn’t love her and wasn’t going to leave me so I’m confused. But they have been having sex, at her house and in our family car weekly since July.

I have decided to stay with him and try and work through this as I am due in January and I do love him, but I’m just scared it’s going to happen again or that he’s only staying with me for the sake of our baby.

He works an on call rota and each time he's been on call he's been with her.

I'm classed as a high risk pregnancy and have to inject blood thinners daily I also have GD so this pregnancy hasn't been easy on me and he hasn't supported me once.

When I confronted him about his affair he said he is struggling mentally with the pregnancy and said she didn't mean anything and that he used her to "feel" something.
But I just know it's because we stopped having sex around July because my sex drive just disappeared. Now he's claiming it's his mental health and going through his doctor to help him deal.
But I just can't seem to help thinking that this is all a cover up because he was caught out.

He ended it with his fancy woman via text and since then I've had vile texts from her & her friends calling me a mug and telling me loads of stuff what he has done/promised her.

I don't know what to do anymore, I'm so broken.
I feel like I can't talk to my friends as I know what they will say and I don't know if I want to hear it from them.

Please can someone just give me some advice about what to do, I'm really struggling.
Thank you.

You cannot change him. For a relationship to survive infidelity the person who has had the affair has too be so remorseful and work so hard at building your trust. Your shitty partner is doing nothing to show you his remorse.

Please don’t stay with him, he is treating you like a fool. You will feel so much better if you take control of your life and get rid of him.

I found out my exh was sleeping with someone else not long after I had dc. I ended it ( a bit long drawn out which I regret). I just wanted to tell you life gets better, I have an amazing life now, dc doing great and v happy. It is difficult and it takes a while. My advice would be just concentrate on yourself and baby for a while ( talking a couple of hours or so), take care and it will get better

Years not hours!

You feel very vulnerable now. You had an idea of a happy family. That is hard to give up.

I would ensure baby has your name. Get him out the house before baby arrives.

What is he doing about the abuse you are facing.

Remember he only told you because you found out..

You can do this. Find someone there to support you through labour.

OP when I was pregnant DP was very considerate about having sex. If anything he was probably over cautious as he was worried he would harm the baby!! And this was from someone who had a very high sex drive. It didn't mean he had to go out and have sex with someone else.

From what you've said it does sound like your DP is selfish and is trying to justify himself because he has been found out. As others have said, would he have ended it if you hadn't found out?

You need to think long and hard about what you want. What if you stay and have more children? Will you spend the next pregnancy worrying he is going to cheat?

If he was feeling this way why couldn't he talk to you? That's what you would expect from a partner in a loving relationship, not going out and starting an affair.

It's very hard as you still love him and it takes a while for the anger and hurt to become stronger than the love. Added to which you are pregnant so your emotions will be all over the place.

It sounds as if you know that your friends and family would probably tell you to end things. Sometimes we need the perspective of someone who knows us well but is not directly involved. Talk to them. At the end of the day it is down to you, but I am not sure that I would ever be able to get over this betrayal at what should have been such an important time for both of you.