Broken by partners MH issues

[AlicebytheSea]

They are severe. He has just come out of treatment again but is a total mess. He is controlling and paranoid with me, and insists I am cheating/ thinking about it,planning it. He is causing massive rows where he will shout,sob and totally lose control. I've supported him in so many ways over the years, but I cant bear to be on the receiving end of this. He guilt trips me horribly, I had to make him leave yesterday and said it was over but I honestly dont want to give up on him. I'm exhausted and cant even think straight. I have nobody to turn to now. I just want him without the illness, its not fair. And I'm terrified he will harm himself.

Yes, call 999 and get the police out to him. They can deal with this sort of thing. You can't handle this on your own. It wouldn't be safe.

And none of this is your fault.

Op Is he like this with anyone else or are you the only one he holds responsible for his life

Call the police. Tell them you have heard something from him that makes you worry about suicidal intent. Mention his ongoing MH issues. Ask them to do a welfare check.

LTB for your own sake.

@changedmynameforChristmas

Op Is he like this with anyone else or are you the only one he holds responsible for his life

Now I am the only person. He used to blame other people and was so convincing, I believed him. Now I can see he will tell others it's me. He says I've not given him a chance...and use his illness to avoid my own issues. Which is the exact same thing he said about them.

I've rung a family member, they dont seem very concerned about what hes said and they know him very well. I'll have to accept theres nothing I can do. Even if they did a welfare check, theres tomorrow and every day that something could happen....or 5 minutes after they left

I'm glad you don't live with him since he is abusive. The suicide threats are an abuser tactic when they think you are going to leave.

Please contact women's aid, look for carers groups and any support you can for yourself.

Does he bring anything positive to your life? Do you ever have fun together? Do you see yourself being with this man in the long term and having a good life.

OP

I think people forget that although some MH issues can cause unpleasant/abusive behaviours, even unpleasant/abusive people can have serious MH issues.

The fact that these behaviours manifest even when he's stable suggests the latter not the former in your partners case.

You are not the cause of his behaviour you're the victim of it and you cannot fix it.

Your only choice is to leave as you have done and disconnect.

His choices in response to that are his own. If he wants to kill himself he will. Sorry to be brutal but there is nothing anyone can do to stop someone determined to commit suicide short of handcuffing them to a bed.

You need to step away (firmly). Block him on your phone and SM. Tell his family what you've done and make clear you will not be available to help him any more. It's their role now to do so.