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Original poster

Should we pull out of house?

31 replies

PloddingAlong123 · 04/12/2020 22:15

Hello all

We are selling the current house and just wanted more space so are moving to a new house in a new area.

I am worried that mine and husband's relationship just isn't getting any better and I will be on the bones of my a$$ if we were to split after the move - i just could not afford the mortgage. But i could afford to live well in the home we currently own

Has anyone pulled out of a house purchase/sale due to splitting up? And if so, how much money did you lose?

I fear that after many years of marriage I have forgotten what my standards and boundaries are. I think the kids are just waiting for me to call time on it now and would likely be relieved if i did. Well, most of the kids.

OP posts:
PornStarHotChocolate · 05/12/2020 17:04

Don't worry about the money you'll lose now OP, focus on doing what's right for you - now and in the future. As you say, if you were to split later then money would be tighter. You clearly feel there are problems. Can they be overcome? If not, don't rush in.

RandomMess · 05/12/2020 17:05

Far better to pull out now.

RandomMess · 05/12/2020 17:30

If you split you will will have to sort out finances which could mean you having to buy your ex out.

Original poster
PloddingAlong123 · 05/12/2020 17:44

Thank you for the advice x

OP posts:
Keratinsmooth · 05/12/2020 17:56

Where are you in the process? Have you exchanged?

Original poster
PloddingAlong123 · 05/12/2020 18:26

No Keratin, we have had the survey and searches. I think exchange would happen after christmas now.

OP posts:
CharlotteRose90 · 05/12/2020 19:23

Pull out now and see if you can work on your marriage.

litterbird · 06/12/2020 05:04

Don't move, it will bring more stress to an already difficult marriage. Fix your marriage first then find a new home.

DianeChambers · 06/12/2020 05:10

Why do you think the children would be relieved if you split? Whats the living environment like for them?

category12 · 06/12/2020 09:47

Yes, pull out.

SillyOldMummy · 06/12/2020 10:28

Yes pull out. Tell your OH that the move is too risky and more important to sort out the relationship. Be honest about it, not emotional.

SimplyRadishing · 06/12/2020 10:32

You lose very little if you haven't exchanged so I'd pull out now.

The fact you are posting on here means you know it's a bad decision and dont want to do it.

Original poster
PloddingAlong123 · 10/12/2020 20:30

@DianeChambers

Why do you think the children would be relieved if you split? Whats the living environment like for them?
It's been quite a struggle for years. In short, he doesn't treat the kids how I think they should be treated. Some of my children aren't his biologically and it's not a good environment for any of them.
OP posts:
Firstimer703 · 10/12/2020 20:31

Pull out!

Misandrylovescompany · 10/12/2020 20:33

Whaaaaat! No don’t buy a house with this fucker. Kick him out!

LilyLongJohn · 10/12/2020 20:35

Pull out of the house purchase. One less thing to worry about

strangertimes · 10/12/2020 22:24

Oh god don’t buy a house if your marriage is rocky!! Noooo

Dashel · 10/12/2020 22:35

Pull out now, whatever you do don’t exchange

PinkCherry · 10/12/2020 22:51

I pulled out of a house purchase last year when I found out STBEH was cheating on me.

Best thing I ever did, we lost approx £650 on independent survey and maybe £800 on solicitors fees.

Agents, solicitor and the buyer and sellers were just so lovely and very understanding.

He left immediately when confronted and left without paying the mortgage bills or child maintenance but I just about coped and have now bought him out. I hate to think what would of happened if I would of moved as it would of been a push with both of salaries there is no way I could of even afforded bills let alone anything else.

Please pull out, no one will judge you.

Original poster
PloddingAlong123 · 11/12/2020 18:20

I've spent all day at work on the verge of tears knowing I need to have this conversation.
He is very controlling emotionally and I know he won't leave. He had a terrible past and I've done my best to give him a stable and loving home. I've finished bringing him up to be honest.
He's been texting me today like nothing happened. I'm so confused.
We are going to have a right weekend of it.

OP posts:
Original poster
PloddingAlong123 · 11/12/2020 18:23

@PinkCherry

I pulled out of a house purchase last year when I found out STBEH was cheating on me.

Best thing I ever did, we lost approx £650 on independent survey and maybe £800 on solicitors fees.

Agents, solicitor and the buyer and sellers were just so lovely and very understanding.

He left immediately when confronted and left without paying the mortgage bills or child maintenance but I just about coped and have now bought him out. I hate to think what would of happened if I would of moved as it would of been a push with both of salaries there is no way I could of even afforded bills let alone anything else.

Please pull out, no one will judge you.

Can I ask Pinkcherry, did you have to pay estate agent's fees? Mortgage advisor fees at all?
OP posts:
RandomMess · 11/12/2020 19:44

Estate agent fees and mortgage fees you shouldn't have to pay as not exchanged let alone completed. Certainly not EA fees.

PinkCherry · 12/12/2020 11:07

No I didn't pay estate agent or broker fees. The only things I paid for was the conveyancing solicitor but it was a hefty reduced bill. They basically billed for what work had been completed and minus surveys as they hadn't been done yet.
I also paid for the survey but that was a private one rather than the mortgage valuation survey.

Lozzerbmc · 12/12/2020 11:15

As others have said you cant go ahead. You wont pay estate agent fees and legal fees would be reduced to what work they’ve done thus far. You have to think of yourself and your DCs.

FrancoBranco · 12/12/2020 12:13

@PloddingAlong123

I've spent all day at work on the verge of tears knowing I need to have this conversation. He is very controlling emotionally and I know he won't leave. He had a terrible past and I've done my best to give him a stable and loving home. I've finished bringing him up to be honest. He's been texting me today like nothing happened. I'm so confused. We are going to have a right weekend of it.
Are you safe @PloddingAlong123 ? He sounds quite volatile. Don't be afraid to call the police if he starts to become aggressive.

Definitely pull out of the house. Concentrate on your next move and extricating you and your children from this marriage safely.

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