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Relationships

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Original poster

Anyone else not close to their siblings?

73 replies

jbird45 · 04/12/2020 21:55

So my brother recently got married and it was a very small wedding of only 20 people. Basically family & bride and grooms best friends. During my brothers speech he was thanking everyone for the parts they’ve played in their lives - parents, his best friends, the bridesmaids (i wasn’t a bridesmaid btw) and he basically thanked every single person in that room and didn’t even mention one word about me... he then said ‘so yeh I hope I haven’t forgot anyone’ and my husband shouts out ‘yeh your sister!’ And then my brother laughed awkwardly and was like oh yeh.

Anyway... really hurt my feelings that I was totally missed out. We used to be close but ever since I met my husband and got married we totally went our seperate ways. I’ve really tried to keep a good sibling relationship but he never seems that interested, never the first one to initiate doing something together unless he needs me, he’s always treated his best friends wife like a sister rather than me since we’ve grown up. My parents don’t think he’s doing anything wrong ever and seem to always pin the blame on me that we’re not close.

I feel exhausted trying. I’ve always looked up to him but now I just feel abit empty and very sad about it all. And most of all pretty humiliated that I was the one person not mentioned at his wedding, not making it about me because I don’t want too but i just find it sad.

I hope I’m not alone ? Please tell me if I’m overreacting!! I just want a healthy sibling friendship tbh.

OP posts:

Molly333 · 04/12/2020 22:14

I have 2 brothers who i hvnt seen for at least 8 years. we live in the same town and they can't be bothered . Its sad but it's always been the same from when I was young. As an adult I resign myself that i am glad i dont have people like that in my life

unicornsnowflakes · 04/12/2020 22:45

My Dm has 3 brothers and she isn't close to any of them.
I'm an only child.

My ex wasn't closed to his brother, thy pretended to be but weren't.

My best friend can't stand his sister ( but that's due to some bad choices she's made in regards to a bf and her dc) but they weren't that close before hand. They have their own life's.

feministbias · 04/12/2020 22:57

I thought we were and my sister was the person i ran to when I needed help but I realised she never calls me for a chat, I always initiate.
I deeply adored my brother but he fell from the pedestal hard and I find it really hard to even speak to him at the moment.

Sunflower1970 · 04/12/2020 22:58

How humiliating. I feeel sad for you too. Maybe you could speak to him and tell him how upset you are? X

maddy68 · 04/12/2020 23:00

I live abroad. My brother texts me occasionally on my birthday. It's sad Really but hey hi. Up to him.

Chickenwing · 04/12/2020 23:03

My siblings are not very nice people. I see them once or twicena year out of obligation.

Andi2020 · 04/12/2020 23:04

Yes same as you my youngest brother always close with till he met his now wife.
Everyone from both families was involved in their wedding in some way. It actually broke my heart.

When I had my 3rd child I was at my mum's he came up saw my car and drove off
He is the golden child

Gifgif · 04/12/2020 23:04

That's sad. Maybe time to invest in people that appreciate you.

SnowyJungle · 04/12/2020 23:06

Christ i think your husband embarrassed you further

Thismustbelove · 04/12/2020 23:09

I work far too hard at having a relationship with one sibling. Growing up we were not close. In our twenties we lived together for a short time and it was very very difficult. I find her volatile, with little self control, no empathy, bitter towards everyone and untrustworthy. Anything I say will be repeated to other people.
I don’t think she has any idea I feel like this.
Growing up our relationship was never encouraged or nurtured.
I completely understand siblings who have little or no contact. However I am very envious of those who have a functioning adult relationship with one another.

Heartofgoldmumof2 · 04/12/2020 23:13

I am the eldest of 3 girls, there is my sister who is 3 years younger than me and another sister is 8 yrs younger. I am closer to the sister who is 8 yrs younger. We are in the same profession. I have 2 kids 6 yrs and 4 yrs. my little sis has a DS 3 yrs. I always try to arrange activities like swimming and play dates and always invite my sister and nephew to join us.
I don’t always feel I get the same invites back. It is usually me making the effort. El

But I am not close with the middle sister. She is married but no kids and no intention of having kids. She is self centred and can only see things from her point of view. The worst thing is that she really dislikes (hates) my husband and therefore makes plans and asks me to leave my kids behind and not bring them which I am not prepared to do. I work full time and my free time with them is precious. I haven’t really seen her the whole year. I feel sorry for my kids because they really like her DH who is great with kids and acts like a goofy fun uncle. They like seeing him but I am past making the effort. She would not even help me by buying a helium balloon on my DS’s birthday so that he would not see it as he was with me. She lives less that 5 mins away by car.

So that’s it. I’m not going to bother any more.

Bargebill19 · 04/12/2020 23:14

Haven’t spoken to or seen my sister in over 20 years.
Dh has cut ties with his this year. Contact via solicitor only.

NotTheMrMenAgain · 04/12/2020 23:23

My older brother is a narcissist and I have no contact with him at all now, thankfully we live in different parts of the country. The final straw was when he came sweeping in after my DF's sudden death - after not bothering to see DPs for 2 years during DF's illness and DM's cancer surgery - and couldn't cope with everything not being about him. He tantrumed and stropped and when DM stood up to him, he assaulted her and stormed out of the house claiming it was self defence. I literally wouldn't piss on him if he were on fire. He is one of the reasons DD is an only child.

SilverOtter · 04/12/2020 23:24

I don't see my little sister very often, but when I do it's like we've not been apart. We have a laugh and a moan about our parents.

My brother I am very sad to say I just don't like him. On the surface we get on, and I'd never say this in real life because I don't want to upset anybody and it's just not worth it (I don't have to see him very often thankfully!) but he is lazy, selfish, work shy, bigoted and often downright rude. He is the golden child, has been mollycoddled all his life, and it shows.

OhToBeASeahorse · 04/12/2020 23:25

I have many siblings. I had a baby 8 weeks ago. 2 of them sent a card one, one of them sent a gift. I've had nothing else,no messages or anyone asking if I'm ok. When DH and I got married they clubbed together for a gift for us. It worked out.at about 8 quid per person

Sp...yeah, we arent close. It makes me sad but it is what it is

Holothane · 04/12/2020 23:26

I dropped my toxic sister 13 years ago, best thing I’ve ever done.

Snozzlemaid · 04/12/2020 23:26

Not seen my brother for over 20 years. We're very different people and have nothing (other than parents) in common.

DramaAlpaca · 04/12/2020 23:27

I hear you, OP. At my only sibling's wedding I was put on a table at the back of the room with my DH, DC and other relatives they obviously didn't care much about. It was quite hurtful. I'm sure we'd be closer, but sibling's spouse and I don't like each other much. It's sad, really.

Onacleardayyoucansee · 04/12/2020 23:31

I have two siblings I rarely see.
Saw them at our Dad's funeral this year, it was 5/10 years before that.
We live hundreds of miles apart.
It is what it is.

VanCleefArpels · 04/12/2020 23:33

Not close to my (only) older sibling - never have been even as children. We are entirely different in character, our lives have worked out very differently and we live hundreds of miles apart. He is quite irrelevant in my life really. It gives me great joy that my children (young adults) really like each other and choose to spend time together and seeing them does make me a bit sad that I didn’t have that.

MerryGoRoundBrain · 04/12/2020 23:34

I haven’t spoken to my sister in many years. She basically stole a part of my inheritance (long story, legally sadly I didn’t have a leg to stand on) and then tried to make excuses and rebuild our relationship. Not happening, love.

Your brother’s behaviour was awful, like one pp said, time to move on and invest in relationship that work for you too.

feministbias · 04/12/2020 23:34

Op weddings are always about the couple and people always feel left out. It may not have crossed his mind that you may want to be involved.

SIL's wedding was a bit like your brothers. The siblings were sidelined, they had tons of bridesmaids and grooms men (non siblings) all of who gave speeches.
FIL died a while back and I think her closest brother was hoping to walk her down the aisle or give a speech.
He was deeply hurt to be completely ignored.
It hadn't even crossed her mind.
It's hard not to take it personally.

Your husband was a dick but he won't have been the only one thinking it.

Sakurami · 05/12/2020 02:56

I get on really well with my brothers but we live in different countries and until I started a family WhatsApp chat I wouldn't hear from them unless I initiated it. Now we all chat quite regularly through whatsapp so we seem a lot closer.

My ex sil is lovely and would make big efforts to remain in contact with my ex but he took her for granted and doesn't make any effort to contact her. It's strange (we still get on very well and see each other etc)

justilou1 · 05/12/2020 03:07

My parents created the (non) relationship I have with my brother. While it’s not his fault, he’s so aggressive and fucked up, it’s not safe to have one with him. The universe revolves so strongly around him that when mum died, he expected me to take over in her role. Ummm.... nope. I have ACTUAL kids. Don’t need a middle-aged one. Don’t have time to spend 2.5hrs on the phone while he processes every thought and have him scream at me. I have an AVO out. Too many drugs, too many threats.

Mintjulia · 05/12/2020 03:15

We're not close in that it wouldn't occur to my brother to thank me for anything. It wouldn't occur to me to be hurt about it.

But we have a family funeral this weekend and we will all be there to support our sibling and show our respects. And the bereaved sibling will be invited to all our homes for Xmas. Different sort of close I suppose.

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