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Relationships

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Original poster

Anyone else not close to their siblings?

73 replies

jbird45 · 04/12/2020 21:55

So my brother recently got married and it was a very small wedding of only 20 people. Basically family & bride and grooms best friends. During my brothers speech he was thanking everyone for the parts they’ve played in their lives - parents, his best friends, the bridesmaids (i wasn’t a bridesmaid btw) and he basically thanked every single person in that room and didn’t even mention one word about me... he then said ‘so yeh I hope I haven’t forgot anyone’ and my husband shouts out ‘yeh your sister!’ And then my brother laughed awkwardly and was like oh yeh.

Anyway... really hurt my feelings that I was totally missed out. We used to be close but ever since I met my husband and got married we totally went our seperate ways. I’ve really tried to keep a good sibling relationship but he never seems that interested, never the first one to initiate doing something together unless he needs me, he’s always treated his best friends wife like a sister rather than me since we’ve grown up. My parents don’t think he’s doing anything wrong ever and seem to always pin the blame on me that we’re not close.

I feel exhausted trying. I’ve always looked up to him but now I just feel abit empty and very sad about it all. And most of all pretty humiliated that I was the one person not mentioned at his wedding, not making it about me because I don’t want too but i just find it sad.

I hope I’m not alone ? Please tell me if I’m overreacting!! I just want a healthy sibling friendship tbh.

OP posts:

StormyInTheNorth · 05/12/2020 17:32

I am not close to my brother. I think he may hate me by the way he looks and speaks to me. I don't quire know what I have done but there must be something. I assume sonething to do with my mother who was/is vile to and about me. She'll be feeding him some version of truth akin to lies.

He refuses to be in the same room as me most of the time. In his defence, he was witness to some awful scenes growing up with my mother shouting at or hitting me, he was never hurt because he is perfect. He has clearly chosen to believe their version or for his own protection chosen to think I am awful too. He used to damage things knowing I'd get blamed and smirk at me whilst I was punished.

Northernparent68 · 05/12/2020 17:43

I’m not sure your brother has done anything wrong, he did not thank you but what did you expect to be thanked for ?

You say you drifted apart when you got married, that seems significant. Did you reduce contact ?

I’m wondering if your husband does n’t like your husband which is why he criticised him on his wedding day.

queenofknives · 05/12/2020 17:53

I'm close to one sister and reasonably close with one brother, but the rest of my siblings I rarely have contact with. We were really close as kids but our family dynamic was really fucked up and I think that's probably what's at the heart of it. It makes me really sad. One of my brothers married a woman who seems to really dislike me and he doesn't speak to me at all. I try to keep in touch, send presents for the kids and so on, but I wonder if it would be better to give up, as they obviously don't want to know. My other siblings aren't hostile but they just don't bother to keep in touch at all and rebuff all my efforts to be in more touch. It's really sad and I wish it were different, but they seem to be happy with their lives and don't need me, so I guess that's it.

You're still involved enough in your brother's life to be at his wedding, so maybe you could use that as an opening to try to build a bit more closeness? I know it's really hard - it has to be an effort from both sides.

MrsTumbletap · 05/12/2020 22:08

No, I wasn't close to her growing up and now we see each other 3 times a year for a family birthday or Christmas. It's awkward, frustrating and not something I enjoy at all.

OldWomanSaysThis · 05/12/2020 22:41

No. One brother, 1 year apart. He never liked me and tormented me my entire life - from toddlerhood. I would not expect to be mentioned in your same situation, and no one would be surprised. I would be invited though.

There hasn't been a falling out and there's no reason to go to NC since there's no "Contact" to "No" - LOL. We are just acquaintances with little interest in the other. I will probably have to manage his inheritance for him because he has no common sense.

AllTheUsernamesAreAlreadyTaken · 06/12/2020 00:45

@Northernparent68

I’m not sure your brother has done anything wrong, he did not thank you but what did you expect to be thanked for ?

You say you drifted apart when you got married, that seems significant. Did you reduce contact ?

I’m wondering if your husband does n’t like your husband which is why he criticised him on his wedding day.

I agree. That's what stood out to me. Brother and OP drifted apart after she got married. OP's husband makes a huge arse of himself and causes a scene at brother's wedding. The common denominator seems to be the arse of a husband.

Bookriddle · 06/12/2020 01:39

I have 2 brothers, one is a step brother the other is a full brother!
Im closer to my stepbrother than my actual brother(he has been in my life tue wholetime) we have more in comon and we have a child about the same age so we see them alot!

My younger brother has recently been diagnosed with autism, and would explain alot with why we are not close!

But since he has been diagnosed i have made a massive effort to rebuild our relationship and he is really trying aswell, and i genuinely feel bad that we wasnt close growing up, but hopefully can make it up now!

ladybird69 · 06/12/2020 01:46

I have a twin brother. We lost our mother last month and it was her birthday yesterday. He sent me a text Friday night and he didn’t even mention her birthday, he didn’t even realise. No excuse but he has a wife and calendar! Now mum has gone I no longer have to waste time on him.

Lofari · 06/12/2020 02:03

2 older siblings here and I'm not close to either. We exchange cards and such but that's it. Things got more distant when my youngest was diagnosed with a life limiting disease. Such is life.
My friends are my family.

Northernparent68 · 06/12/2020 16:36

Ladybird, please do nt fall out with your twin, just because he did not mention her birthday, maybe it was too painful to mention, or he did not think it was appropriate.

KleinBlue · 06/12/2020 16:44

@ladybird69

I’m sorry you lost your mum, but surely you realise how sexist it is to expect your SIL to remind your brother of your mother’s birthday?

yummytummy · 06/12/2020 16:52

I only have one brother. He lives abroad and only contacts me when he wants dental advice or to say he is coming to UK. I am no contact with parents and I think he hates me for this even knowing all the reasons why. It makes me sad as since I have been a single parent I have had no family. They all sides with the ex even knowing he was physically and mentally abusive. I look at "normal" families around and on Xmas tv ads and crave that. I can't imagine what it would be like to have multiple people who cared about you. One thing though my kids are very close to each other and we are a strong team of 3 so at least they will have grown up with love

ssd · 06/12/2020 17:00

Another one here who wishes she was an only child.

ssd · 06/12/2020 17:02

I'm happy for my friends who are close to their siblings but it's so painful to hear their stories.

barbrahunter · 06/12/2020 17:56

Signing in to also wish I were an only child.

pooopypants · 06/12/2020 18:11

I have a sister who I don't speak to, at all, works perfectly for me. She's vile, self centred and a revolting human being who is only out for herself. I wouldn't piss on her if she was on fire. When I'm asked about siblings, I don't even mention her and my DC don't even know she exists. Same with my egg donor.

Life has been SO much better since I went NC with them.

Roselilly36 · 06/12/2020 18:12

I think it depends a lot of your upbringing, I am not at all close with my half siblings, DH has siblings that are not & never have been interested in our family at all. Not what we would have chosen. @Slat3 we have two DS, they are very close & best friends, we have brought them up to be so, so don’t worry, I am sure your boys will be fine.

user8888 · 06/12/2020 18:28

This thread must will certainly make only children feel fantastic!!

ssd · 06/12/2020 19:06

Yes it will.
I always feel sorry for parents agonising they only have one child, they can feel so bad.
I feel like saying don't worry about it!!!

Gingaaarghpussy · 06/12/2020 20:34

I have an older sister who was a mare to me, as far back as I can remember. She lives 4 hours away and only ever visited the rest of the family at Christmas. She was a total cow to me when our dad died because I had sat and watched him die but hadn't told her what was going on. He was in hospital going through tests and took a turn for the worse in the morning 2 days after he was admitted. Apparently she was jealous.
I spent 30 years trying. When our mother was dying, she wanted me to build bridges with my sister and I said, no its her turn.
Haven't spoken to her or seen her for 6 years now. Its been bliss.

Gifgif · 07/12/2020 14:26

My brother is a nightmare and a mummy's boy. He adds stress and anguish to my life in the little I have to do with him - I can't think of anything positive he has added to my life.

Chimeraforce · 07/12/2020 14:45

Sounds sad, must have been hurtful.
I'm not close to my siblings. I hope they're happy. My brother is absolutely fantastic I've always loved him. My sister has a me me me personality and is overwhelming for any longer than 10 minutes. There's also jealousy between us - she's 6 years younger, long legged tall big boobed. I've got undiagnosed Aspergers, social cripple am average height with cart horse legs like a shire pony. She's talented at everything. Im good at skating drawing and gardening. Not much use really. I've got one child and there are numerous issues for about 3 years now. We haven't met for about 3 years.

ssd · 08/12/2020 13:09

The main thing I hope for is my kids are closer than me and my siblings ever were.

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