For those who've read Why Men Love Bitches...

[YourHairLooksAmazing]

Inspired by a thread where this book was recommended to the OP. I've had a quick look at excerpts online and I think I might need to pick up a copy!

6 months into a new relationship and I think I might be behaving like a bit of a pushover... not in the way I'm being abused or anything, more that I'm probably a bit too eager to please. Apparently this is very off putting 😬

For those that have read it, a) is it any good? and b) is it too late to put any of if it into practise if you've already shown yourself to be a massive people pleaser?

OP,
You said that you are too open with your feelings....

I think you are probably talking about how much you like the other person?

But actually it sounds to me like you are suppressing and dismissing your negative feelings (annoyance from a potential disagreement; preferring not to have your cupboards messed with; feeling like a quiet night in and not wanting to go on a date etc).,,,

The book is a lot about saying no when you actually want to say no so may be useful for you. It is pretty superficial and does recommend you fake it until you make it (rather than doing any deep work on your anxiety to please etc)... but it's worth a read.

Right now it feels a bit like you feel being crazy about him and having your own boundaries/ pleasing yourself is incompatible. It really shouldn't be. You can be crazy about him AND devoted to yourself and getting your own needs met...

easier said than done, I know.

It’s a great book and yes, you can start following the advice “mid-stream” in a relationship. I think there’s even a chapter on what to do if you started a relationship being too Nice and now want to be feistier.

I also love The Rules, which is another much misunderstood book! WMLB is more authentic and teaches you how to grow and keep your backbone. TR tells you how to act as if you had a backbone. And it’s more about weeding out the men who don’t like you that much. For example, the poster up thread who said she had to stop being unavailable because her BF didn’t like it. He’s now her ex husband. There’s a link there; he just wasn’t ever THAT interested, possibly, unless she was serving him.

But WMLB is probably the better of the two books. Definitely read it. It’s fun to read, very sassy.

In WMLB I LOVE the chapter about keeping your sense of humour. I always found my humour disappeared when I’d lost myself in a relationship.

I might re-read my copy this weekend, actually!

Great book! When I was dating I was always that girl that would make my plans fit in with whatever they had going on as I was always keen to see them. The book is very good at getting you to put yourself first and realising that if they want to see you they’ll put in the effort, not the other way around.

Actually thinking about how easy a life DP has and how much I do for him, perhaps I need to read it again

You are being rather vague about why you need it OP but I think that it must signal some issue in your relationship. If you feel he doesn't value you/could take or leave you/sees you only when it suits him etc then, yes, you need to up your game. Relationships are about compromise and you certainly sound like you are but is he?

IMO it's nice and a positive thing to be kind, caring, supportive and loving to a partner but it has to be reciprocated. If that's the rub then show him what he might be missing if he continues. You're clearly unhappy with something so now's the time to implement change.

It's a great book and not about being a "bitch" in a nasty way but about being sure of yourself and your own worth not in a hippy dippy way , think more Alexis Carrington 😁

Anyone who is strong, confident and has passions, goals and interests in life is more attractive than someone who latches on slavishly because their life has no meaning unless you give it one. The enormous pressure on the adored one to make the adorer happy and give them self worth is really off putting.
And a bit of mystery is fun. Flirtation is a game. When I met DH if he ever asked me on a date on Tuesdays I said I wasn't free. He was so intrigued. I never admitted I was doing aerobics in a room above the local offices with my mum!

Yes, if your boyfriend is behaving in ways you dislike, stop being passive / appeasing. If basic assertiveness and honesty leads to the relationship ending, that’s much better than staying in it.

@gingingerbread

I might be a lot like what this book refers to as a "bitch". But I'm a busy person, I'm not available all the time. Equally bough if I realluke a man I will tell him. And I have done. I prefer to live and love(sorry) without holding back, because otherwise the just a waste of time, if it doesn't work out, then it doesn't workout. It's not because I didn't show my true feelings. The only reason for holding back is fear that the other person would be put off. And that's no way to live

I absolutely love every word of this. This is what I would teach my daughter about relationships and self worth.