For 18 months I had an affair with someone we'll call Jenny. It's depressingly cliched, it started as friends, became emotional and then physical. At the time I thought my marriage was over. For the last 6 months my marriage has been improving, I subconsciously started withdrawing from the affair, and then more consciously knew it couldn't continue. Events with Jenny came to a head 3 months ago, at a point where we either left our partners and got together fully, or ended the affair and stayed with our partners. We both have young children.
We made different decisions. I decided to stay with my wife and end the affair. Jenny wanted to leave her husband and for us to get together.
She was completely devastated, she essentially told her husband about us anyway, and their relationship is now all but over.
At the time I thought the kindest thing was to have no more contact with her to give her a chance to recover and move on but she wants to stay in touch.
I don't know how to help her. All the advice about breakups, both affairs and normal is to have an total extended break from each other but this isn't a normal break up. If we weren't both married we would still be together, we still love each other and haven't argued or fallen out.
COVID means she is cooped up at home and can't go out and see people easily. This isn't like a normal relationship ending, it's still secret from everyone so she can't turn to her friends. I am the only person she can talk openly with. Her marriage is disintegrating so she is essentially going through two breakups at once, one is secret, in the middle of a pandemic.
We both went into the affair as equals, but we have come out so differently. We're still meeting in secret, I hug her and we talk and I try to support her but she is so completely broken.
I just don't know how to help her.
Has anyone else been in this position, what helped?