Involuntary celibate

[CatsLoveChristmasTrees]

Can anyone relate?

I am married but unfortunately, no longer have a sex life. My husband has lost interest over the past four years or so, and can not maintain an erection. He tried viagra but he doesn't like it so won't take it again. So that's that.

Unfortunately, the loss of sex drive on his part has also resulted in no interest in intimacy either beyond a short hug and a peck on the lips. I am finding it hard. Of course physically I can use toys and things but I feel quite sad and empty at not having an intimate sexual relationship with an actual human being.

If I left the marriage I would lose my home and be worse off financially, and I would be putting myself through a lot of struggles. That just seems an extreme step to take due to not having sex - and if I left for that reason it's not as if it would resolve the issue as I can't see myself ever finding anyone else.

Sometimes he says he will think about 'giving me sex' and taking the viagra again, but he never does. But I tell him I don't want to be 'given' sex - I would rather never be touched again than have sex with a man who felt he was doing me a favour!

I am not sex mad, but is it too much to want some sort of sex life? With someone who actually wants to? I can't be the only woman in this situation, surely

Would you ever want children? 29 is young, still got time to move on and find someone, set up a new home etc. Go for it. You'll regret not

You’re 29 and you don’t have children. You need to leave. You’re very young and have plenty of time to sort yourself out financially. More importantly to find someone who loves you sexually as well as any other way.

I have been in a sexless marriage but we had kids. We were wonderful friends but the lack of intimacy eats away at your confidence. It’s not good. Since I’ve been single I’ve had a relationship with a man in his 50’s who loved sex and loved everything about it and it was the most liberating experience of my life and reminded me that it’s something that we shouldn’t be forced to forego

29! Get out of there. If you were in your late 60s I'd say stick around for then companionship whilst having discreet affairs.
But 29 is way way too young to write off a lifetime of good sex

As @Feminem says, "Sex isn't just penetration and if your feelings mattered to him there's a lot more he could do to satisfy you. Kissing and touching at the very least!!"

Exactly this! I once had some pain with PIV and our sex life literally stopped there. In a recent conversation he said he didn't want to try anything on with me because I'd said it hurt. Well there are countless other things he could have done with me!!! And the same goes for your DH @CatsLoveChristmasTrees ffs!!!
I've recently been reading Lady Chatterley's Lover, and then watched the film. If you know the book, he's been injured in the war and is paralysed from the waist down so can't have sex with her any more. In the film there's a scene where she tries to cuddle up with her husband in bed and starts kissing him, and he just rejects her, even when she points out there are things he could do for her. He's just not interested. Your DH should be making way more effort. No wonder you're frustrated. Can I ask why you don't think you would find anyone else???
It is absolutely not too much to ask to have a sex life. I tell myself this day after day, as I am sick of it too. Good luck OP x

29!! You're so young, far too young to write off your entire life. Which is what you'll be doing if you stay.

It's not just that he's lazy and selfish and you aren't having sex, it's that the resentment will build up and you'll soon start despising him, which would end your marriage anyway. 50 years of no sex is not a life!! If you do want kids, they'd see their parents have a sexless/loveless marriage, or someone cheating and it would be awful for them. You can't think to bring kids into a marriage like this, it would be unfair - would you be ok with that?

There are things you can do to secure your financial future. Talk to a lawyer to see what you'd get in a divorce. You can re-train or change careers if you don't feel you'd be able to support yourself. However, you can't make him have sex or feel good about it.

Just leave him, and go enjoy the rest of your life. This rejection and lack of intimacy will kill you inside slowly and painfully.